"There's a robot guarding the warehouse," WildRose said. Sharpe easily picked out her words from the sounds of 'Battlestar Galactica', 'Doctor Who', 'Lost', and the new Radiohead CD, but luckily for WildRose's hearing, the voice filter in Sharpe's mike would edit out the miscellaneous chatter. She started looking up FBI files on at-large supervillains with robotics expertise with her left hand as her right hand typed out a response to something particularly witty she'd just read in one of the three chatrooms she had open. She might as well, she didn't have much else to do while she waited for that imported pornographic Japanese video game to finish installing.
With her voice, she said, "I'd recommend not engaging, but we both know you're not going to listen, right?" At the same time, she typed, "ADHD is the normal person's term for someone smart enough to walk and chew gum at the same time."
That got a few LOLs, even as WildRose responded. "Oh, you know me so well, love. Besides, it's already seen me. I'm beginning to think your tip about this place might have been on the money after all." Sharpe heard loud crashes in the background, and tried not to worry about her girlfriend/partner/lover/pain-in-the-ass. She didn't want to get distracted, after all. Not when the Doctor was just meeting the Sontarans and she was just getting ready to start playing 'Metal Disruptor Azumi'.
"Got any kind of signifiers on the robot? Identifying features, any of that?" She swiveled her chair slightly so that she could move her right hand from the chatroom to the mouse, and began to play the game while continuing to crack the FBI's 'Most Wanted' database. Technically speaking, she hadn't been diagnosed ADHD. They'd had to come up with new terms for Sarra Rabinowitz and her ability to multi-task. The doctors had been divided on whether her intelligence was just genius-level or actually a super-power, but either way, they all agreed she was hellishly smart.
"Nothing, just big and gray and smashy. No projectile weapons, but it's damned fast." She heard more crashing noises as she began to maneuver Azumi in battle against the robot slavers that had already turned the rest of the human race into willing fuck-toys. It was at times like these that Sharpe wished she could have a video feed on the linkup between her and WildRose, but she just hadn't been able to get the camera rig compacted enough, not without including alien tech. And Sharpe wasn't about to let alien tech get into her systems. She didn't even play imported games without putting seventeen levels of security quarantines between them and anything important. A super-hero's best friend couldn't be too careful.
"Alright, it looks like the only known roboticists on the loose are Hack and Slash and the Silicon King, and if it was Hack and Slash, they'd have graffiti-tagged it by now." Not that Sharpe had wanted to be a super-hero's best friend. She'd wanted to be a super-hero herself, a part of the legendary struggle between good and evil that defined modern culture. She wanted to fight larger-than-life villains, make witty quips, outwit bad guys and save the day. "And the Silicon King wouldn't make a robot without at least a plasma cannon. So it looks like you're up against someone new." She started hunting around on robot design newsgroups to see if anyone had been bragging, while she posted a review of the just-finishing episode of 'Lost' and tried to dodge--nope, no good. Azumi got ensnared by cables that slid into her every bodily orifice and reprogrammed her into a horny slave girl for the robots' pleasure.
"OK, big smashy fast robot, designer unknown. Any ideas on how to stop it?" WildRose sounded just a little bit out of breath. Sharpe knew that in the same situation, she'd have been panting. That was the problem, really. Wanting to be a super-hero wasn't the same as making it happen. She'd never made it past yellow belt in karate, she only managed to get to the gym about once a week, and she got squeamish when giving blood. She'd always dreamed of getting super-powers that would transform her into a living dynamo of ultimate might, but she'd gotten super-intelligence instead. Super-intelligence was good for only one thing as far as heroics was concerned, and that was figuring out that dressing up in spandex and picking a fight with Beatdown of the Freak Parade was going to get her killed. She finished watching the cut scene of Azumi getting mind-fucked by robots and reloaded the game.
"If it's big and fast," Sharpe said, "then that means it's got to have a pretty intense power supply. Probably a fusion generator, with magnetic coils." She rattled off a quick response to a question about Captain Kirk's middle name on a chatroom as she talked. "If you can find a high-grade electro-magnet, you can disrupt the containment of the fusion bottle and detonate the power supply from the inside." Eventually, as much as she'd wanted to fight the fights, she'd realized that her best role was as advisor. She'd spent a few weeks adding to her already-impressive knowledge about computers, set up the most bad-ass rig she could custom-build, and created a secret identity for herself on the Internet as 'Sharpe'.
Damn! Azumi lost again! The robots in this game were too damned fast for her. Still, she thought, Azumi seemed happy. Maybe that's why she lost--because she'd much rather see the cut-scene for losing than the cut-scene for winning. Sharpe glanced over at the door to her private lab, her train of thought almost lost for a moment, but recovered it in time to say, "Alternately, you can try to fry out its systems. An EMP isn't going to work, that thing's probably got some heavy-duty shielding on its motherboard just to handle the interference from its own power supply, but there's got to be a limit to its insulation."
Of course, being 'Sharpe' hadn't meant much without a super-hero to advise. That was when fate had stepped in. Her old dojo had closed, and so when she went looking for a new place to get her ass kicked every week, she'd gone to the martial arts school over a flower shop in downtown Samson City. And a week later, she'd deduced that Penelope Powell, owner of both, was a genuine bona-fide super-hero, without Penny even noticing the clumsy, shy girl who came in on Friday afternoons. (Oh, had she kicked herself when Sharpe had finally revealed her true identity.) WildRose was just what she needed--someone to do the physical elements of the job. And Sharpe liked to believe that WildRose needed someone to temper her impulsiveness, just a little.
There was a loud crash through her headphones, enough to distract her from yet another loss to the sinister robot overlords. The evil slave-makers told Azumi she was too easily distracted as wires burrowed into her head and reprogrammed her mind, but Azumi just masturbated like crazy as she became helpless. "Got him!" WildRose shouted, disrupting Sharpe's increasing interest in the kinky goings on. "Turned out that he was vulnerable to a forklift being rammed through his chest."
Yes,
Sharpe decided,
I've definitely tempered her impulsiveness.
"What is it with you and robots and motor vehicles? I swear, it's like you actually get turned on by wrecking things," she said out loud. At the same time, she signed out of two chatrooms and turned off Radiohead as she restarted the game. This time, she was definitely going to beat those evil robot sons of bitches.
"I don't know what you're talking about," WildRose said. "By the way, I was thinking about coming over tonight, after patrol." Sharpe brought up her day-planner and sent an email to her sister cancelling breakfast tomorrow. She wasn't in bad shape for a geek girl, but WildRose had the stamina of a super-hero and appetites that matched it. She'd leave Sharpe flat on the bed by the time she'd had enough.
And yet... Sharpe glanced again at the door to her lab as Azumi once again tried to dodge giant metal tentacles. It wasn't that their sex life wasn't wonderful, because it really was. WildRose had stamina and technique, and she left Sharpe panting every night they could squeeze in for sex in between supervillain ass-whuppings. "So what was the robot guarding?" Sharpe asked, her mind no longer really on the events in the warehouse. It was more on the things she wanted to talk to her lover about, the fetishes she wanted to admit but just couldn't quite...Azumi got caught by the tentacles again, and the robots melted her brain into obedient programmed submission.