Serena stood on the edge of the sidewalk, letting the anticipation build for a long moment as she stared at the imposing building in front of her. At least, she thought it looked imposing. It was hard to tell, really, because everyone else passing by simply ignored it. They just walked right past it, their gaze sliding off the marble columns and elegantly-manicured lawn as though none of it was there, and the only thing they seemed to register was that some girl was in their way.
That was what made Serena tingle with excitement. She could see that look in their eyes, that glassy stare that flickered on their faces just for a moment as their minds told them to ignore the evidence of their senses. They didn't see the building because they'd been commanded not to see it. It was really possible. It was really true. She hadn't believed it at first, back when she saw the ad for the very first time. Even when she'd found out, some part of her had still expected it to be some sort of elaborate scam. But now, seeing it right in front of her...she took a deep breath, reveling in the moment. "One small step for man, one giant leap for sex, money and power," she muttered as she planted her foot dramatically on the campus grounds. It felt like the beginning of a new life, and as Serena headed towards her new destiny, she found herself going over the path that had led her here one more time in her head.
To think, it had all started with watching "Saturday Night Live" with her friends...
*****
At first, Serena figured it was just another of their classic gag advertisements, a parody of those godawful Sally Struthers correspondence school ads that always popped up on late night television. "Do you ever find yourself frustrated by the way other people act?" asked the pitchman, a nondescript man with a goatee and thick glasses, wearing a nondescript gray suit. "Do you feel like your life would be better if people just did what you said? Do you think your life would be better if you had total control of the people you deal with every day?"
Serena broke out into wild giggles when the 'Mind Control University' logo popped up on the screen. "Well, now you can make that dream come true!" the pitchman replied. "Here at Mind Control University, we offer two-year and four-year degrees in virtually every aspect of bending the minds of others to your will. Whether your skills lie in technology, psychology, chemistry, graphic arts, or metaphysics, you'll find that our expert teaching staff can help nurture your gifts until everyone you know obeys your every command!"
By then, Serena was absolutely rolling on the floor. What made the gag so perfect was that they didn't use one of their regular performers, or even a celebrity guest. Putting a total unknown in as the spokesman made the whole thing look like it was real, even as the subject matter made it clear just how absurd it was. "Mind Control University offers hands-on learning experiences, giving you the chance to practice your skills by enslaving and brainwashing people in your everyday life! Want a sex slave? A human ATM? Or do you just want to put that snobbish jerk you see every day in their place? Whatever your motives, you'll find that Mind Control University can help you bring your dreams to life."
A phone number flashed up on the screen, and Serena noticed that they'd made a huge mistake by not using a 555 prefix. Not that anyone would believe it or anything, but she knew how people were. There was always someone who had to try the number, just to see who would answer. They were bound to get tons of calls asking to learn how to control people's minds. "Call now," a voiceover said, as the phone number flashed urgently. "Operators are standing by!"
It took Serena a good minute or so to calm down, and at first, she assumed that her friends were just looking at her funny because she couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't until Chad asked her, "What's so funny?" that she realized that they didn't seem to find the joke amusing at all.
"The fake ad," she said. "The one for 'Mind Control University'."
"What ad?" Jenny asked.
Serena argued, but after a few minutes it became clear that she was the only person who had actually noticed the advertisement airing. The rest of them got bogged down in arguments as to whether it was Simple Green, CLR, or OxiClean that they'd just seen pitched to them. Then "Weekend Update" came on, and everyone forgot about it completely while they watched Seth Meyers ripping into Sarah Palin.
At the time, Serena figured they were joking, pretending to be brainwashed into not remembering the mind control ad. It was about the kind of humor you'd expect from someone who was nineteen and still thought "Saturday Night Live" was actually funny. But a small part of her really wished she'd paid more attention to that telephone number...
If that had been the only time she'd seen the ad, she probably would have forgotten about it. But it kept cropping up, during "ElimiDATE" and re-runs of "Night Man" and "Xena" and all the other shows she wound up watching late at night after getting off work, too wired to sleep but not awake enough to do anything productive.
She just kept seeing ad after ad for Mind Control University, with the same boring guy in the bland suit explaining how easy it was to get out of that dead-end job and make other people earn your money. Every time she saw it, Serena found herself daydreaming about how nice it would be to stop having to pull double shifts as a prep cook at Friday's just to make the rent, or how awesome it would be to actually try some of those fantasies she'd had about being with another girl without having to worry about asking a girl to have sex with her. She kept fantasizing about the ad when she masturbated, picturing the porn stars in her videos performing just for her, at her command... Finally, after a couple of weeks, she just had to give in to her curiosity and call.
"Yes, ma'am," the operator responded almost before she could finish asking her first question, in a bored tone that suggested he heard it all the time. "It's very real. Only those people with the intellectual aptitude and moral flexibility to actually be considered for our courses can remember seeing the advertisement. Everyone else just sees an ad for a cleaning product."