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A bell on the door clanged as Mike and Steve entered the little bait shop up the canyon. No one was behind the counter but there was muffled noise from the back room and after a few minutes, a disheveled old man appeared, grinning broadly.
âHello, young fellers,â he greeted them. âWelcome to Gibbâs bait shop. Iâm Gibb. You fixin tâ do some fishin?â
âYeah,â said Mike. âTrout.â
Mike was a man of few words. A man that size didnât have to say much.
âAny advice on where to drop a line?â asked Steve.
âOh, youâll catch somethin if yâ take any of the trails about a quarter mile further up the canyon,â said Gibb. âProvided, a course, that yâ got the right bait.â
Steve grinned and Mike grunted.
âSo what sort of bait works best?â asked Steve.
âWell, fer rainbows, I like to use these little red jobbers with either salmon eggs or velveeta on the hooks,â he said, showing a bright red oval with three hooks on the bottom. âFer brown trout, Iâve had better luck with garlic-scented lures--these little rubber doolies are pretty good.â
âA course,â he said with a conspiratorial grin, âThis here lure is mâfavorite.â
He pointed to a shiny silver lure hanging behind the counter. âHYPNOLUREâ was written across the cardboard backing, the O filled with a black and white spiral. A cartoon fish was staring at the thing with similar spirals in its eyes. âFish Canât Resist It!â claimed the packaging. There was a $40 price sticker on it.
Mike snorted derisively. Steve was more forgiving; He didnât intend to buy the thing, but he figured the old timer must have a great story to try and sell the over-priced toy. Steve loved a good fish story.
âSo whatâs the biggest fish you ever caught with the âhypnolureâ,â he asked.
âOh, I ain't never caught a fish with it,â says Gibb. âTruth be told, I donât hardly never even put it in the water. Donât wanna risk loosin it.â
âWell what goodâs a lure if you ainât gonna catch fish with it?â Steve asked, perplexed.
âWell young feller, as much a sacralige as I might a once thought it was tâsay so, there is one thing in this world more pleasurable than fishin! And God-as-my-witness, this little hypnolure is the best thing a body can have when yer fishin fer somethin that ainât got gills!â
âWhat the hell you talkin âbout old man?â asked Mike, his longest sentence that month.
âGlad you asked, young feller. Listen up an Iâll tell ya,â
The old man settled in to serious old fart story mode:
********
Now, I love tâ fish--thatâs why I bought the bait shop! But Social Security donât pay shit so if Iâm gonna make a livin, I gotta be here. I canât sell bait ânâ tackle tâ gentlemen like yerselfs ifân Iâm off fishin, now can I? An what kinda man would I be if I didnât try out new products afore I sold âem? I got no choice--I gotta fish outta season!â
I always got away with it, too! Old Rex Statin was game warden in these parts fer damn near 30 years an he ânâ I, we were buds. As long as I didnât make it too obvious and didnât over fish any one area, he was fine with it. Hell, sometimes heâd even join me--not like a game warden gets a lot of time tâ fish durin the season either.
But that ended when Rexâs wife Polly got it into her head that they should retire to Miami. Damn shame, that. I lost a good friend and wound up with a headache: A young spitfire name a Laurie Kettinger, Rexâs replacement. Pretty young thing with wild curly hair who filled out her uniform right nicely, but she was a damned zealot about the fish and game laws. That little lady filled out more citations her first year than Rex did in 30. Every sorry sonuvabitch cominâ outta the canyon had a sob story about Officer Kettinger levyin $50 to $100 fines and not even lettin âem keep the fish!
Well, it werenât good fer business but I figured it served um right fer bein stupid enough to get caught. That was, a course, until the day that I got caught mâself.
It was only a week afore openin day and I had me a sampler pack a new lures that this damned salesman kept pesterin me about, askin if Iâd tried âem and which ones I liked and blowin smoke up my keester about how he valued my opinion when we both knew he just wanted me tâ sell his shit fer âim. But rather ân keep blowin him off, I took the sampler pack and a six-pack a Coors and headed off to try âem out.
It was a pretty good day, fishin-wise, an a damn near perfect day sittin in the sun and drinkin-wise. Most of the fish I caught were too scrawny an I tossed âem, back fer catchin later, but I did pull in a bute of a rainbow that was supper material.
I had just finished cleanin the dang thing and was puttin on this here hypnolure to give it a go when damned if that pretty little game warden didnât come along right outta nowhere.
Now when I was a younger man, nobody that hadnât made a deal with the devil could sneak up on me in the woods. Iâm part injun, yâ know; My papaâs mama was Nez Perce. But I guess Iâm goin deaf cuz there she was and there I was lookin guilty as the devil himself with fish guts on my boots and mâ rod in my hand.
She clucked her tongue in disapproval like a goddamned chicken.
âShame on you, Gibb!â she says, âYou of all people ought to respect the fishing laws! Your very livelihood depends on this area not being over-fished!â
âNow, now, Miss Kettingerâ I says, âDonât go gettin a bug in yer britches. I certainly donât mean no harm. I jusâ donât get much time tâ fish durrinâ the regâlar season what with runnin my shop an all.â
She didnât answer me though. She was starin off tâ the side a me. I turned but damned if I saw what was so interesin. She just kept starin, though, like she done fergot I was there. Finally I figrued out she was lookin at this here jobby, the hypnolure, as it was a spinnin an a sparklin in the sunlight.
âThas right pretty, ainât it Miss Kettinger,â I says, hopinâ tâchange the subject and avoid a fine. âThey calls it a hypnolure. They say the fish jusâ canât resist it.â
âCanât resist it...â she says in a dreamy sorta voice.
Now this seemed a might strange tâme, I must say. Here this little spitfire was all set to give me a fine and a sermon tâ boot and now she was all smiles and sighs starin at mâbait. It was the damnedest thing!
âYeah,â I says, âThey say the fish jusâ canât help but watch it. Theyâre drawn to it. One look ânâ theyâre completely under itâs power.â
And damned if she didnât repeat me again.
âCompletely under itâs power...â she says like sheâs all hypnotized like in them movies yâsee on the T.V. late at night.
Now I didnât know shit about hypnosis apart from what Iâd seen in them movies, but I figured what the hell did I have tâloose?
âYou jusâ canât look away from the lure, can you Laurie,â I says, âYou donât wanna look away.â
âDonât wanna look away,â she says, sure as yer born.
So I keep goin, I do.
âYou want to watch the lure,â I tells her, âWatch and listen to the sound a my voice.â
An sure as shit she agrees!
âYou trust the sound a my voice, Laurie,â I says, âYou want tâdo what I tells you.â
An she damn well says that she wants to do as I tells her!
Well, I try târecall what I seen on the T.V. I tells her that she feels warm and relaxed and happy. Afore ya know it, sheâs a smilin like she hâainât a care in the world! I tells her she donât wanna give me no citation, that Iâm a special circumstance--and she damn well conceeded as much!