Evilena -- Zen and the Art of Automobile Maintenance
Part 1 -- Breakdown by Mistress
Evilena loved her car. And as she drove down the Florida Highway 1, headed to her copyright attorney's office , she heard, or maybe sensed, it was running a bit rough. Usually, she would take it to her regular repair shop, but as she neared her destination, she passed a repair facility that had been recommended by a friend and thought she would try the new shop. After all, it wasn't a major repair... just a minor tweak.
She pulled her cherry red , 1969, Camaro Z-28 into the drive and turned off the ignition.
Even before she could get out of the car, two mechanics rushed to the driver's side door to ask how they could help. The combination of a gorgeous blond, and a smokin' classic car , add a 302 V-8, it was a torrid trio too much for any repair guy to resist and the two practically fell over each other to be the first to assist the delicious damsel in distress.
" How can I help?" said Tweedle Dee.
"What's wrong?" echoed Tweedle Dum.
Evilena, used to this kind of fawning, smiled at the two, and spoke. " My car is running a bit rough, and I'd like you to check it out. Can you handle it?"
Dee and Dum answered in unison, " Oh certainly, Miss ." and opened the door, allowing Evilena to get out. They stared, mouths open, at the black dress, seemingly painted on the gorgeous blond's perfect body, and the at long blond hair surrounding the sultry visage of the erotic vision standing before them. A tiny drop of drool formed on the corner of Dum's lips.
" Now listen, boys. I have an appointment just up the street with my attorney, and I'll be done in about an hour. I expect you to be done by then, too." she instructed in her honey sweet voice.
Without another word she turned and swayed up the street as, unable to tear their eyes away, Click and Clack watched her walk, all the way to the corner.
"Wow," said the first. "She's f'n GORGEOUS!"
A devious smile formed on the lips of the other, and he said, " You've got that green Porshe to work on, I'll take this one. I don't think it will be a big deal."
But to him it WAS a big deal, it was a chance to get to know the beautiful blond better. And although it seemed to be just a minor carburetor adjustment to lean out the fuel mixture that was needed, he additionally loosened a wire, that would fall off a few miles after the Camaro left his shop. The gorgeous girl will be stranded on the road, he surmised, and I'll "save" her. I'll be her hero and that's ALWAYS a chance to " get acquainted." He chuckled to himself as he sabotaged her car.
When Evilena returned to the garage she smiled when the mechanic said, " It was just a minor adjustment, no charge, Miss ." She took the proffered business card, with his cell phone number scribbled on the back ( as if she'd EVER call him) from the mechanic and tossed it on the passenger-side bucket seat of her car. Then she climbed back into the low slung Chevy and gunned the engine, and turned the vehicle in the direction her home. The highway was backed up due to road construction, as usual, and traffic slowed to a crawl. As she crept along she noted traffic markers and yellow saw horses all along the road side. Then traffic ground to a complete halt. About forty minutes away from the shop, as she was about to pull off the conjested highway, her car "mysteriously" sputtered to a stop.
"Damn!" she thought. "There WAS something wrong and those idiots couldn't find it."
She guided the car to the right shoulder of the road and let it drift to a slow stop. "Should I call my regular repair shop or make the skilless duo drive here, " she thought, finally picking up the card still laying on the seat, and then dialed the number on her cell .
" Hello," a voice answered, as the phone responded on the first ring.
"Hmmm, you must have been expecting a call. Do you ALWAYS fuck up repairs like this?" Evilena barked, her voice neither soft NOR sweet.
" I ... uh .... er..." stammered the mechanic hoping she didn't REALLY suspect he purposely sabotaged her car so he could get to meet the voluptuous blond again.
" Speak up, " she spat out.
"I'm sorry! Who is this? Can I help you with something?" he said as he regained his composure.
'It's Evilena, your last customer, and my Camaro just crapped out right in the middle of this highway construction . Get your ass out here and fix it.... NOW."