My wife, Sarah, is the kind of woman who gets a lot of attention. Men stare, women stare, police officers let her off for speeding, sales people offer her discounts that don't seem to be available to anyone else. She lives the kind of easy life that only the uniquely beautiful and sexy people get to lead.
She is also the kind of woman that is completely oblivious to it. She worries about gaining weight when she has a figure that most women would kill for. She wondered about getting a boob job even though her E cup breasts are beyond perfect.
When we go out for a drink, or something to eat, she is completely oblivious to the fact that every guy (and some women) are staring as she walks past. She has a list of ex boyfriends and each one looks like a different Greek god.
But somehow, the wheel of fortune stopped on me and I was the one she agreed to marry.
It is true that I got very lucky. When I met Sarah she had just come out of a long and horrible relationship and was a bit of a mess. We spent all our time together until suddenly we realised that our worlds were one. I asked her to marry me and she said yes and the rest is history.
In the beginning we had lots of sex but I never truly felt like she craved it. It was more like she knew that sex was part of a healthy relationship, a wifely duty and so she would play her part. The focus was always on what I wanted and what was satisfying for me - not her.
She read magazines with articles about "How to please your man" and "Happy husband, happy marriage".
That might sound amazing to some guys, and it was great, but when your sex life is dependent on duty, rather than desire, it isn't sustainable. Sex for pleasure alone just isn't enough, you need desire and fantasy.
We got married after two years together and our sex life dropped off almost immediately. We went from having sex almost every night to once a week, and then finally I was lucky if we had sex more than a few times a month.
I tried to talk to her about it many times but the conversation always died or would turn into an argument. Every single conversation was always from the context of her pleasing me, or me not being satisfied, and all that did was highlight the fact that desire and sexual satisfaction were not even a thing for her.
My friends all thought I was a complete idiot when I spoke to them about it. They openly discussed how Sarah was far to attractive for me and said I should be lucky to get anything at all. They relayed stories from their own marriages where they had gone for many months without having any sex at all.
But all of these comments just highlighted how much people were missing the point. It wasn't the amount of sex that was bothering me, it was the narrative around the sex that we were having. Sarah never mentioned things that turned her on, she got embarrassed if I tried to talk to her about fantasies, she told me she didn't ever masturbate on her own. The sex we had was great, but it was selfish sex. Even if she orgasmed too it still felt like selfish sex because it was momentary pleasure for her - not fulfilled desire.
I was at a complete loss what to do. It seemed that her entire experience with sex had always been within the context of keeping men happy or trying to maintain a healthy relationship. To the extent that it wasn't even possible to discuss her own desires because there didn't seem to be any.
I was at a complete loss and worried for the future of my marriage. In a last ditch attempt to sort things out I persuaded her to come to therapy with me. She left it to me to organise and I started looking for the right therapist. I looked online and called around various places but couldn't find anyone that seemed right. I called up a few of the more qualified therapists, but didn't feel particularly happy with them. They wanted to talk about 'communication channels' and our 'relationship power dynamic', neither of which I wanted to talk about.
I had pretty much given up on my search when one day, out of the blue, I received a call on my mobile from a man saying that he had heard I was looking for a sex therapist. He said he was sure he could help us both and that he had availability right away. I asked him to send his credentials over but he dodged the question, saying that the first session was free and if we weren't happy then we could just find someone else.
I agreed and spoke to Sarah about it. She wasn't very enthusiastic but she had agreed to try it so she said fine. I arrange a session for later in the week.
When the morning arrived for our consultation with Dr Kinesh I felt nervous. I had rehearsed what I wanted to say but wasn't sure how the session would go. Every attempt I had ever made to talk to her about sex had ended in an argument, or her shutting down. Sarah invoked sympathy in people and was clearly a kind and loving wife, so I was worried that I would seem like a sex mad, spoiled husband who was trying to force my wife into being something that she wasn't.
When we arrived I was instantly worried. His office was in a strip mall in a rough neighbourhood. We struggled to find it at all and we walked around the place for about 20 minute. Sarah was dressed in a figure hugging black dress that showed off her curves and this meant cat calls and wolf whistling followed us around as we walked around looking for the office. I had grown so used to it that I barely even noticed, but I was starting to get worried for our safety as we drew more attention.
Finally, I spotted a tiny sign on a hidden side door which said "Dr. Kinesh: Master of Desire".
I scoffed at the ridiculous wording and rang the buzzer. We waited for an answer standing in awkward silence, feeling nervous and unsure.
There was no welcoming voice on the intercom, just a buzzing noise which signalled that the lock on the door had been released. I pushed the door open tentatively and we walked into a dirty stairwell.
We walked up four flights of stairs to the top and the door to his apartment was waiting open for our arrival. We walked into the apartment and immediately recoiled at the sight. There was a sofa with a guy sat on it in just his pants watching television. There were dirty clothes all over the floor, empty food cartons on the table. The curtains were closed and the room felt dark and dirty.
Sarah whispered to me that she didn't like the look of the place and I agreed. We turned around and started to leave but the man on the sofa sprang to his feet.
"Leaving so soon?" He said with a laugh, "I'm guessing this isn't what you expected?"
I didn't know whether to laugh or agree so just stood in silence.
The man walked up to me and extended his hand and said "You must to James?".
I shook his hand and nodded.
"I am The Amazing Dr. Kinesh" he said, and then added with a smile "I added the Amazing part myself but I can assure you it is true".
I smiled weakly wondering what I had got us into.
Dr Kinesh turned to my wife and looked her up and down. "Wow." he said. "And you must be Sarah?"
She smiled an embarrassed smile and nodded once.
He continued to look at her until it was uncomfortable and then just said "Wow." again.
Finally, he put his arm around us both and guided us to his sofa where he insisted we sit down. He offered us drinks but we both declined, seriously worried about the health and safety of drinking or eating anything from such a filthy lookig place.