I woke to the smell of cooking bacon and brewing coffee. I pulled myself together and went up the stairs into the Kitchen where I saw Mary busy making breakfast. She looked at me gesturing to the pan and I nodded as she cracked two more eggs. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down as she slid my plate in front of me and sat down to her own breakfast.
"Are Mom and Rebecca alright?" she asked in a hesitant voice.
"What do you mean?" I replied around a mouthful of bacon and egg.
"Well, last night I was really tired for some reason but I think I heard them crying." She replied, poking at her own food.
I reached out and took her hand "I can tell you why you were tired, you naughty girl." I chided, and she blushed at the memory of our last encounter. Then Sarah and Rebecca came into the room, both had dark circles under their eyes but seemed cheerful as they smiled at us.
"Thanks for making breakfast dear." Sarah said as she dished up a serving for her and Rebecca.
"Yeah, ditto for me." Rebecca followed, pouring a cup of coffee for both of them and bringing it to the table. They sat down and dug into their food eagerly. There was little conversation as we ate, all three of them seemed too nervous to say anything as they focused on their meals. After breakfast was done, they all sat there sipping our coffee, looking anywhere but each other.
"Gangster Rap." I said, and 3 heads dropped to their chests. I had experienced enough close calls when I assumed I knew what these women were thinking. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to get everything out in the open, without screwing something up.
"Sarah, Mary, Rebecca, we have been through a lot of changes over the last little while. I think it is time that we talked about how we feel about the new normal around here. Do you understand?" I said, and their heads nodded.
"When you talk, I want you to tell the honest truth about what you feel. I don't want you to worry about what others think, or what you think you should say. The truth is the only thing that you will be able to say, do you understand?" Again, three heads nodded. I was relieved that none of them furrowed their brow, or looked hesitant, it seemed like everyone wanted their cards on the table. "Sarah, what happened between you and Rebecca yesterday and last night?" I started.
Sarah started "Yesterday, when we were shopping, I told Rebecca that while I still loved her like a daughter, I no longer saw her as my flesh and blood anymore. I told her that she had grown up and I saw her as a woman, instead of my little girl. I also told her that I was sorry for what Jacob had done to her over her life and that I wished I could do something to make it up to her."
"Alright Rebecca, how did that make you feel?" I asked, turning to her.
"First, I was scared. She has always been there for me, but now she says that she doesn't see me as her daughter anymore? Then I got angry, angry at how Jacob had treated me and that she stood by and let it happen. I decided that if she didn't want to be my mom anymore, then I may as well stop pretending to be the daughter she wanted me to be." Rebecca replied in a passionate voice, as if reliving the moment.
"Sarah, what happened then?"
"We fought." Sarah continued. "We argued in the car about how difficult her life had been and how I had tried to help, but was just too scared. When we got home, she stormed off to her room, and I was too upset to do anything so I went to my room and cried. That is when Chad came to me and told me how I could fix things, make things up to Rebecca for my failures as a mother to her."
"What happened Sarah?" I probed, and noticed that Mary had leaned closer despite her trance state.
"Chad took me out to the barn and tied me to the bench, then Rebecca came out and punished me for all of the bad things that I had done to her. For how I had failed her as a mother." Sarah said in a soft, scared voice.
"Rebecca, what happened last night?" I asked as I turned to her.
"She made me so angry; it brought back memories all of the things that Jacob did to me. How he abused me, how he made me feel insignificant, how he hurt me, everything that he had done to me and how helpless I felt. I was mad, and I couldn't take it out on Jacob, so I took it out on Mom." Rebecca said with a sob.
"What did you do Rebecca" I pressed.
"I dressed in my dominatrix outfit, I made myself up as strong and sexy as I could then I beat her like she was a slave. I called her a bitch, told her that if she didn't want me as her daughter, then this is who I would be. Then I hit her until I couldn't hit her anymore." Rebecca said, as she lifted her chin with a prideful jerk.
"And how did that make you feel?" I prompted.
"Angry at first, then ashamed over what I had done. It wasn't Sarah's fault that Jacob did that to me, she did the best she could. She was just as scared of him as we were." She replied.
"No Rebecca, not that. How did dominating Sarah, just like you had dominated Mary, make you feel?" I said, leaning forward and putting my hand on hers.