Living with Livia

Hey! Sorry I haven't written back in a while. Life's been crazy. Remember that new roommate I told you about? Well, she finally moved in. Her name's Livia and she's a nightmare.

At first, it seemed like a good fit. I laid out all my requirements: clean, respectful, and quiet. She told me that's exactly what she was looking for. So I thought, great, problem solved.

Nope. Not even close.

She's loud, inconsiderate, and messy--always leaving clothes and trash everywhere. The sink is full of dirty dishes.

Livia's a lesbian, which you know I don't mind, but she brings a different girl home every night and they're all vapid airheads. The exact type of girls we used to make fun of in high school. Just a bunch of annoying bimbos. Guess she really has a type.

Sometimes I'll run into them and it's seriously painful to try and hold a conversation. It has to be an act, right? No one's actually that cheerful, giggly, and dumb.

...Right?

The worst part is they always have super loud, crazy sex--like porno-level loud. Constant moaning, yelling, and saying the weirdest, most degrading stuff like: "Fuck me like a dumb slut," or "Being around you makes me feel like such a horny bimbo."

Do they not have any respect for themselves?

Afterwards, Livia will walk around the house in her underwear, like it's no big deal. It's really awkward. Sometimes I feel like she's deliberately trying to get under my skin. Like it's some kind of messed-up game for her.

And when I told her I'm not into girls, you know what she said?

How do you know until you try it?

Ugh, I can't even. Tonight, I'm finally going to talk to her and let her know that things can't stay like this anymore.

It's time for a serious change around here.

Sincerely,

Madison

***

So...we had a long talk. I think we finally came to an understanding. She's actually not as bad as I thought once you get to know her. I was maybe being a little dramatic. Sure, there's still a lot of stuff she needs to work on, but at least she's trying.

Part of it's my fault. I really need to learn how to communicate better instead of being so passive-aggressive. Livia told me that she hadn't even realized how annoyed I was and promised me things will improve soon.

We've even been hanging out a little bit. Last night, she showed me these cool YouTube videos. They were really interesting. It's actually kind of nice having a roommate. Living alone was getting lonely.

Anyway, we'll see what kind of changes she makes.

***

Livia and I have been spending a lot more time together. I know I'm not the easiest person to live with, so I'm grateful at how patient Livia's been with me. She's trying really hard to help me learn how to be a better roommate.

She's actually a really fun person to be around. I can see why she's so popular, having a different girl over every night. They're all really attractive too. Objectively speaking, I mean.

It took a bottle of wine for me to find the courage to bring it up, but we finally talked about all the loud sex she's been having. She was really understanding about it. And guess what? The next day, she bought me some noise-canceling headphones. Problem solved! Wasn't that so nice of her?

It's a win-win situation: she can keep enjoying herself, and I don't have to hear it.

Speaking of which, I really need to get laid soon...It's been about six months and I'm starting to feel really frustrated, if you know what I mean.

I almost called my ex after a few drinks, but thankfully Livia talked me out of it. It's just so hard to meet a decent guy these days.

Anyway, can't wait to see you this summer! Counting down the weeks.

***

Livia threw a big party last night and invited all her annoying bimbo friends. I was the only normal girl there. It was pretty awkward. I wanted to stay in my room, but Livia kept insisting I come out and socialize. I guess it was good for me though. I do need to work on not being so anti-social sometimes. I don't think there was a single intelligent conversation all night. It was all about reality TV, clothes, makeup, celebrities, and sex.

A lot of sex talk.

As much as I enjoy hanging out with Livia, I'm getting tired of always being surrounded by bimbos in my own home. Livia's pretty smart and not overly girly, so I don't understand why she's so into that type of women.

Plus, you know how when you're around a group of people for a long time, you start to pick up their mannerisms? Like when you spent the summer in France and came back with a French accent until everyone made fun of you?

Well... I kind of feel like that's happening to me. Every once in a while, I'll catch myself responding with something I've heard from one of them, like "Oh my gosh!" or "That's so adorable!" or "Totally!"

Sometimes I don't even notice it. I've been trying hard not to do it but the more time I spend around them, the more it seems to rub off on me. It's getting, like, totally annoying.

***

Ughhh, I feel awful, like I've caught a really bad flu or something. Been stuck in bed all week. One of those annoying girls from the party probably gave it to me.

Livia's been really helpful though. She's taking really good care of me. That's so nice of her, don't you think?

She gets me everything I need--soup, water, medicine. And when she has someone over, she even makes sure to put my headphones on, so they don't accidentally wake me up. She's the best.

Honestly, I feel terrible about how rude I was when we first met. I really misjudged her. I'm starting to realize how lucky I am to have such a great roommate.

***

I'm feeling much better now.

Livia's been a lifesaver. It's like she has this calming effect on me. Maybe it's just gratitude for her taking care of me, but sometimes I feel like she knows exactly what I need before I even say it.

Today, I found myself agreeing with her on things I used to have a different opinion about. It's like her perspective is starting to make more sense to me. Maybe she's just good at persuading people, or maybe I'm just more open-minded now.

Either way, it's kind of nice to have someone who understands me so well.

I've mostly recovered from being sick, although there are still a few minor side effects. For one, my head still feels kind of fuzzy and slow. Not as sharp as usual, but I'm sure that'll clear up soon.

Also, it's kind of embarrassing, but during my illness, my libido skyrocketed. I looked it up online, and apparently, it's pretty common to feel very aroused when you're sick. Something to do with the immune system and sex hormones. Plus, I was taking a bunch of cold medicine. And since I was stuck in bed all day, there wasn't much else to do. All that nice dopamine really helped me deal with the misery of being super sick.

But now, even though I feel a lot better, my sex drive still hasn't gone back to normal. It's starting to get really distracting.

***

Ugh. I'm so embarrassed. I shouldn't even mention this, but you're the only person I can talk to who I know won't judge me.

So... I was in my room, working on some homework, trying to ignore my arousal, and I hear this noise from the other room. It's Livia and some new girl she brought over. So I get up and look for my headphones, and well...I overheard them going at it, and...

...god, this is so embarrassing...

I don't know, there was something kind of... exciting about hearing them...

You know, when you're really turned on and just can't think straight? Well, it's been like that for me lately, but times ten.

I couldn't help but imagine them. Not in a weird way, but there was just something sexy about knowing someone's getting laid twenty feet away. Like, good for you, girl.

It was probably just some weird combination of my overwhelming arousal, plus my lack of sex, and who knows what else, but... ugh, I can't believe I'm going to say this...

So I kind of... started pleasuring myself while listening to them. I was in bed imagining what they were doing that was causing so much pleasure. I came so quickly, and it was such an intense orgasm.

Then after I finished, I was just like, oh my gosh, why did I do that? It felt so wrong and depraved, and...

I don't know. Hopefully, my sex drive goes back to normal soon. It was fun at first, but I'm over it. Plus my head's still super foggy all the time, and it's making school really difficult. I just can't focus on anything.

I should really go see a doctor.

***

So I ended up talking to Livia about the problems I've been having. She noticed I've been kind of spacey and out of it lately, so I figured maybe she could help. I mean, she's been super helpful with pretty much everything else.

So I told her about everything. (Well, not everything-- I'd die if she found out about what happened the other day.)

I told her about how ever since I came down with that flu I've been having issues with my sex drive and feeling really foggy headed. And guess what? She knew exactly what was wrong with me. I couldn't believe it. I should've talked about this sooner.

She told me it's because of my large breasts. Apparently, she dated a girl who had this exact same problem. At first, I thought it sounded ridiculous, but she insisted.

She said she'd show me a video by some psychologist that would explain everything. They basically talked about the same stuff she did, just in a more scientific way--that there's a strong correlation between large breasts and a woman's libido. It was a lot to take in all at once, but it seemed interesting.

The psychologist in the video also talked about how there's a strong link between large breasts and IQ. They said that girls with smaller chests tend to have much higher IQs. They even showed some graphs where the size of a girl's breasts seemed to correlate inversely with her performance on an IQ test. Girls with flatter chests did the best, while those with huge boobs like mine always scored much lower.

So I guess having big boobs makes you less intelligent? It sounded pretty absurd at first, but after watching the video, it started to make sense. I mean, it had graphs and everything.

Crazy, huh?

I still don't understand why it would suddenly happen to me out of nowhere though. I spent my whole life being smart, with a pretty average sex drive. Maybe the flu did something to my brain...

But it's not hopeless. Livia said that the girl she dated figured out some ways to help minimize the side effects. So I asked if she could help me with it, and she said yes! Thank goodness. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I would've done.

I'm so glad I have such an amazing roommate. Isn't Livia the best?

***

Today was the first step in trying to fix things. Her solution? Meditation.

I've tried it a few times in yoga classes and honestly, it never really did much for me. But I must've been doing it all wrong because, wow, this time was... intense.

She told me to close my eyes and focus on my breathing, no thoughts, no worries, just pure and total relaxation. It felt like a warm blanket wrapping around me. The entire time, she whispered into my ear with her calm, soothing voice.

It felt super relaxing, and I could feel all my stress just melting away. After a while, she started saying things like, "It's okay to let go and embrace your fun side," and "Being carefree and happy is the best way to live." I found myself agreeing with her without even thinking about it. It all just sounded so nice and true.

She kept repeating how good it feels to just relax and not worry about being smart or serious all the time. I felt this warm, tingly sensation spreading through me, and I couldn't help but smile. I felt so light and happy, like nothing could bother me.

After a while, I just... forgot about everything. I forgot where I was or what I was doing. It was really like translendiesel. No...that's not the word. Tranmindental? Trandinital?

Anyway, it was definitely a unique experience. We're going to do more tomorrow.

***

So we've been doing meditation every day for the past week. But today, Livia suggested something new. That I should try doing it in just my underwear.

She said that since it's my breasts causing all this, it would help to have them not be so constricted or whatever. Something like that. She promised it would help, so obviously I trusted her advice.

But I was still really self-conscious about being around her in my underwear. It was impossible to focus on relaxing like that. So she told me I'd probably feel a lot better if she was in her underwear too, you know? Like then I wasn't the only one.

And you know what? It really did help. I didn't feel so nervous about it afterwards. It was really nice of her to do that for me.

Although... I did notice the whole time she was staring at my breasts. I mean, I know she's into big boobs obviously, I've seen the girls she brings home. They're all super busty. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I didn't want to say anything. After all, she's been doing so much for me, it seemed rude to say, "Hey, stop looking at my boobs."

Maybe it's silly to feel bothered by that. I mean, she's just looking, right? Guys have been staring at my boobs my entire life. I'd rather it be Livia looking than some random guy.

Besides, she's been helping me so much lately. So, if she enjoys looking at my chest, I feel like I kind of owe it to her, you know? It's the least I can do to show my appreciation.

***

I feel kind of silly for being self-conscious about being in my underwear before. It's really not a big deal. It doesn't even bother me anymore. She made a rule that whenever we were at home we had to be in our underwear. The first few days were awkward, but after a while, I stopped noticing. It just felt so natural and freeing.

She also got me this really cute friendship bracelet. I love it! During our meditation together, she was like, whenever you feel the bracelet, remember how relaxed and submissive you are. Let it remind you to embrace your girly and bubbly side.

She says the weirdest things sometimes. I was like, sure, okay, whatever.

I mean, I love the bracelet obviously, but I'm just not a girly or bubbly person.

Still haven't seen any improvement with my sex drive or my foggy brain. If anything, it's been getting worse...

But besides that, the meditation has really helped. I've been feeling so good lately, just totally tingly and amazing.

Better than ever.

***

Livia had a great idea: a day of pampering and relaxation. She said it would help with all the problems I've been having. I told her that I'm not really into that kind of stuff--it's a little too girly for me.

But then she said,

"How do you know until you try it?"

And, honestly, she's totally right. How do I know I won't like something until I try it?

So I said, fine. If it helps, then I'm all for it.

First, we went to the hair salon. I needed a trim anyway. Then she told me, "You should do something fun with your hair."

I asked her what she meant, and she said, "How about blonde highlights?"

I was like, no way, I'm good, honestly. I like having dark hair.

She said, "Not fully blonde, just highlights."

Which, obviously, made a lot of sense. But even then, I still wasn't sure. But somehow, she convinced me.

I was a bit nervous, but the stylist kept telling me how amazing I was going to look, and Livia was right there, cheering me on.

When it was all done, I looked in the mirror and barely recognized myself. I'm not sure what the woman at the salon did to my hair, but it looks so much curlier and fluffier too. I can't believe I let her talk me into this. I'm kind of embarrassed to go to class tomorrow.

And that's not all... Then we went to a nail salon. I thought we were just getting a manicure and pedicure. But then the lady asked what color I wanted for my nails, and I'm like, oh no, I'm good.

But then Livia's like, "I don't want to do this alone," so I'm like, okay, fine, I'll do it for you.

She was getting hers painted purple, so I thought, I'll go with like dark blue. That's sort of matching, right?

But then she's like, "You should try something fun and girly."

I wasn't really into it, but Livia kept insisting, saying it would be exciting to try something different, you know? And, well, she was right. Lately, I find myself craving her approval and seeking her validation in almost everything I do.

Then she pointed to this girl in the salon (who I'm pretty sure was a stripper) and said, "You should get nails just like hers."

I was like, no, not in a million years. The blonde highlights were bad enough, but now this? They'd look ridiculous on me. I'm just not that type of girl.

But Livia kept saying how great long nails would look on me and how happy it would make her, and so I said, screw it. Why not?

The next morning, I woke up and instantly regretted my decision. My hands look so ridiculous.

But she was right about one thing--a day of pampering made me feel a lot better. Not in terms of my libido or my brain. Honestly, those are just getting worse.

But everything else feels amazing! Being pampered is actually super fun.

Hopefully soon I'll see some improvement.

***

Everyone at school was shocked. They couldn't believe it. Am I really that boring that getting blonde highlights and fake nails is so surprising?

What's so wild about being a bit girlier for once? I don't get why everyone acted like it was sooo crazy. It was kind of annoying, to be honest. But whatever.

The worst part was all the guys at school trying to flirt with me. I hate it when they're just staring at my boobs and all that. You'd think with how crazy horny I've been lately, I'd be into all these hot guys flirting with me, but the thought of some muscular, sweaty guy grunting like a caveman and pumping his weird-looking dick into me while awkwardly fumbling with my boobs just seems so unappealing.

Even that one guy I had a crush on doesn't seem that interesting anymore. Not sure why, maybe I'm just getting tired of dating immature guys.

I thought I needed to get laid, but now that I have the chance, I'm just not really interested anymore.

But I'm still really horny all the time. Like... so horny it actually hurts.

At first, it was tricky to pleasure myself with these fake nails, but I'm actually getting the hang of it. And strangely enough... there's something kinda hot about touching myself with these long, girly nails.

Now, every time I look at my nails or catch a glimpse of my blonde hair, I feel this rush of excitement. I never thought I'd enjoy looking so... girly, but there's something thrilling about it. It's like I'm embracing this new, more fun and carefree side of myself, and I kind of love it.

***

I wanted to tell you about something that happened last night.

Livia and I were getting ready to go out again, and she pulled out this tiny, tight dress from my closet. I don't even remember buying it, but there it was, bright pink and so short it barely covered my butt. I laughed and said there was no way I was wearing that.

But Livia, with her usual charm, said, "Madison, you've got an amazing body. Why not show it off? You'll feel so confident and sexy, trust me."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I don't need to show off my body to feel good about myself."

She gave me that look, the one that makes me feel all warm inside, and said, "Just try it, for me? You've come so far, Maddie. This is the next step. Think of it as an experiment."

Her words stuck with me, and started to think maybe she was right. Maybe this was the next step. So, I sighed and said, "Okay, fine. I'll try it."

When I put on the dress, I felt ridiculous at first. But then Livia handed me a pair of high heels and did my makeup. By the time she was done, I barely recognized myself. I looked...hot. And the way Livia looked at me, with such pride and admiration, made me feel amazing.