I sat on the couch and stared at the coffee table in front of me. Well, that's not entirely true. I sat on the couch and stared at the black, empty screen of the smartphone on the coffee table in front of me.
I sighed.
I hadn't checked my phone in a whole day, and I knew what I would probably find if I turned it on. Missed texts. Missed calls. Julia trying desperately to figure out where I was, what was going on, who I had left with, why I'd broken up with her.
All logical questions. All completely fair. And yet they were questions that I couldn't answer.
I had broken up with her to keep her safe. That seemed simple, on the face of it. There was too much going on that I couldn't explain simply because I was
literally
unable to talk to her about it. But, more than that, I knew that I had treated her poorly. I had allowed myself to be seduced by my student. Even after Denton, which should have taught me to be more careful. I had cheated on my amazing partner, and I hadn't even had the guts to tell her like a man.
Logically, I knew that it probably wasn't all my fault, that there were things going on at the Academy that had fucked with my mind and twisted my morals all up into a nasty tangle. But that didn't change what I'd done. And if I turned on that phone, I'd have to stare my mistakes right in the face.
I wasn't alone on the couch.
Sitting next to me were two other people, both staring straight ahead with wide, glazed eyes. But they weren't really
there
. At least not mentally. Danielle and Harrison St. John were both on their own laptops, watching video after video of Lena's online Academy classes, drilling the subliminal hypnotic commands deep into their brains.
Danielle was doing it because of another mistake I'd made. I'd assumed that just watching a single Academy video would bring her entirely under our control, but Lena and I had learned that the effects of a lone video were only temporary. Danielle's mind, unable to completely rationalize her actions, had actually strained and splintered, creating a fractional nymphomaniac personality named Raven who could justify her actions.
Basically, I'd traumatized her.
Harrison, meanwhile, was watching the videos because we didn't know what else to do with him. It seemed safest just to entrench our control over the man even more securely. You never knew when having an international business mogul at your beck and call would be useful.
I looked away from the pair beside me, sliding back into my thoughts.
Maybe it was wrong to
not
talk to Julia, but... I couldn't. I couldn't be distracted right now. Not when there was so much at stake. Not just the lives of my students, the beautiful young women I had come to care for, but also
my
life. Joseph Clayton had hypnotized me, implanted subconscious suggestions in my mind and controlled me like a goddam puppet. There was no way he'd let me get away. And even if I did, I couldn't run away. Not this time.
After Denton, I'd run away. Now I knew better. I knew how stuff like that comes back to haunt you. Denton certainly had. I'd been scared to even think about it for so long and then when I'd told Lena about it... It had been almost a relief.
I guess facing your fears really is good for you,
I thought.
Slowly, I reached out. And, slowly, I flipped the phone face down. I couldn't face this fear. Not right now. Instead, I pushed myself up off the cushions.
I needed a distraction. Lena and I had had a small victory, with Danielle's help. I could take a couple minutes off. I wasn't any use in this state anyway. Too much in my head. I got this way with my mathematics proofs, sometimes. Coming back with a fresh perspective was just the thing.
I turned, leaving the phone on the table and doing my best to push it from my mind. "Lena!" I called.
We were still in Harrison St. John's suite up on the 16
th
floor. It was bigger and nicer and more expensive. But, even better, it had a balcony view out over the river. Even the mirror image suite of rooms we'd used earlier in the evening, just across the hallway, didn't have one of those.
My elegant blonde student was out on the balcony. She didn't have much to wear. Just a bulky hoodie we'd left downstairs, a couple of items from the hotel gift shop — half of which were being worn by Danielle — and the slinky cocktail dress she'd had on this evening to seduce Harrison. So, she'd returned to her new default. The plush white hotel robe bulked out her slender figure, but couldn't hide her feminine curves. There was a glass of wine by her hand, the liquid dark in the soft yellow lights that were strung along the railing, but her fingers were just playing with the stem.
"Hey, Mitch," she answered. She sounded as troubled as I felt.
"You doing okay?" I asked. "You were so brave earlier. Coming over alone. Really. You did great." I wandered over to the railing and leaned over on my forearms. I didn't look at her, didn't want her to see the uncertainty in my features. I wanted her to think I was confident and collected, like she could look to me to solve the problems we were facing.
Night had fallen, but the City was still lit up with the million lights you expect from a metropolis this size. It was beautiful, but I couldn't help thinking about the last time I'd admired a view of the nighttime cityscape. It was last night, at the Academy party, when everything had gone sideways. Instead of remembering that, I turned back around and leaned against the railing. I stuck my hands in my pockets, trying to keep my body language casual.
"Thank you..." Lena didn't say anything else for a minute, but her voice was soft and uncertain. Then she added, "I was glad to know you were watching. That you would come help me if I was in trouble."
I nodded, swallowing down another small knot of shame. I'd been fucking Danielle while Lena had navigated the most fraught part of the whole mission — making sure Harrison watched all the way through the hypnotic video.
Damn it, Mitch!
I thought.
Just get out of your own head for a goddam second. Blaming yourself won't solve anything. It's just going to make you feel worse.
"You seem... upset." Lena's green eyes were hard to read in the soft yellow glow, but her voice was concerned. "Are
you
doing okay?"
I nodded again, probably too fast. My fingers curled around the LucidSpecs in my pocket. Lena had returned them after we'd interrogated Harrison. I tugged my other hand free on its pocket and tapped my temple. "Just a lot going on up here."
The young woman smiled gently. "You're an academic, right?" Her voice was teasing. "Isn't there always a lot going on up there?"
I snorted out a laugh, feeling the tension ease a little. "Maybe less than you think. Half the time it's just staring at your old work and wondering how you can possibly go one step further."