I woke up in bed next to Samantha, my wife, she was already up, scrolling her news feed, I leaned in for a kiss.
"Your breath reeks, Richard. Don't kiss me," Sam murmured, her voice sharp but tinged with sadness as she turned her face from mine.
"I hate your smoking," she added, her green eyes narrowing, a storm of frustration brewing beneath her calm exterior.
Samantha, my wife of ten months, my college crush, actually she was the crush of the entire campus, she had once shrugged off my cigarette habit, but over the past few weeks, her tolerance had eroded into resentment.
Our kisses, once a daily ritual of warmth, had vanished, replaced by tense silences, her delay that later turned rejection of getting pregnant, taking our time to know each other, to enjoy our lives, and most recently My smoking had become a chasm between us, and I felt like a betrayer, sneaking puffs like a secret lover.
I hid packs in the garage, behind paint cans, and in the folds of old jackets, weaving lies to cover my tracks. Breath mints and cologne were feeble masks, and Sam's accusations cut deeper with each denial.
But smoking wasn't my only secret. For years, I'd buried doubts about my identity, my insecurity, the jokes of my college friends, memories of my campus roommate Marcus.
His constant comments about my body, the names he called me the strange repetitive loud metal music he convinced me to listen to during sleep to boost my musculinty.
Memories of college nights spent staring at my reflection--long, silky hair cascading over my slim shoulders, a 165 cm frame with hips wider than my chest, petite hands that felt too delicate for a man. At 50 kg, my body seemed to whisper a truth I wasn't ready to hear: that I might be a woman trapped in a man's form.
I'd worn baggy clothes to hide my curves, afraid of my parents' constant disapproval, I needed them, I needed their money, but now, with them gone all that money, that wealth, the companies are mine and Sam's love anchoring me.
I felt a stirring--a longing to unearth my true self."I'm sorry, Sam," I pleaded, my voice cracking as I sought her forgiveness. "I'll try harder to quit, I swear."
Her gaze softened, but her resolve held firm. "No more promises, Richard. They're just lies, and I'm done waiting" she said firmly.
I've booked you with a hypnotherapist, Ms. Marina, who specializes in smoking cessation. Your first session is tomorrow at 9 a.m. Smoke tonight if you must, but tomorrow, we start fresh." she confirmed.
"Hypnotherapy?" I asked, my heart fluttering with a mix of nerves and excitement.
In college, I'd toyed with the idea of hypnosis to affirm my masculinity, but fear had stopped me--fear that a hypnotist might uncover my secret yearning to embrace the feminine.
Now, though, I felt ready, not just to quit smoking but to face who I might truly be.
"What's the plan?" I asked.
Sam explained that Ms. Marina recommended daily sessions for two weeks, followed by weekly ones for two months to solidify progress and prevent relapse.
Her voice carried both authority and care, a reminder that she wanted me healthy, whole.
I nodded, feeling trapped yet hopeful, trusting Sam's love and my own desire for change. "Okay," I said, my voice steady. "I'm in."The
First Hypnosis: A Door Unlocked
At 9 a.m., I stepped into Ms. Marina's office, my pulse quickening with anticipation. The waiting room was serene, scented with lavender, and after filling out a questionnaire about my smoking and personal history,
Ms. Marina greeted me. She was poised, her warm eyes and gentle smile easing my nerves as she led me to a wood-paneled office, softly lit with amber lamps.
The air humming with quiet confidence."I'm nervous," I admitted, sinking into a plush recliner, its leather cool against my skin. "I want to quit smoking, but... I also want to understand myself. I've had doubts about who I am for a long time." I confessed.
Ms. Marina's smile was uneasy, but her voice a soothing balm. "Hypnosis can't force you to do anything against your will, Richard."she said.
It amplifies what's already within--your desire to quit, your readiness to embrace your true nature. Trust yourself, and let go."Her words ignited a spark of hope.
I'd spent years hiding, but now I was ready to explore, to peel back the layers. I nodded, and she began, her voice weaving a gentle rhythm as soft chimes filled the room, their notes pulsing like a heartbeat.
She dangled a crystal on a fine chain, its facets catching the light, scattering rainbows across the walls. "Focus on the crystal," she murmured. "Let your thoughts drift, let your truth rise."The crystal seemed to expand, its glow filling my vision as the chimes wove into my mind, a lullaby pulling me under.
My eyelids fluttered, and fragments of thoughts surfaced--cigarette smoke dissolving into mist, my hips swaying in a mirror, a soft voice whispering, "Be free." Was it Ms. Marina's voice or my own? " I wondered.
I saw myself, hair loose, body soft, and a warmth spread through me, a promise of authenticity.
I awoke at noon, three hours vanished in a breath. My body felt light, my mind clear, as if a fog had lifted. "How do you feel?" Ms. Marina asked, her eyes searching mine.
"Refreshed,Like I'm... closer to myself." I said, marveling at the calm within me.
"The session was a success," she said, her smile cryptic yet kind. "Your subconscious is eager for change.
We'll build on this daily." She handed me a schedule and suggested special nicotine patches for withdrawal, her tone professional but warm.
At the clinic's drugstore, I grabbed the special patches, they looked plain, no branding no box, and, on a whim, a bag of vitamin drops that she also prescribed.
Popping one into my mouth, I felt a jolt of pleasure, a soothing satisfaction that echoed a deeper craving, one I couldn't yet name. With a patch on my arm and a drop on my tongue, I felt grounded, hopeful, as if this was the first step toward becoming whole.
A New Rhythm: Awakening Desires
When I got home, Sam greeted me with a curious smile, her auburn hair catching the evening light. "How was it? Any cigarette cravings?"she asked.
"None," I said, stunned by the absence of need. "The hypnosis is working, Sam. I feel... different. Lighter, like I'm starting to see who I really am."
Her eyes softened, and she pulled me into a hug, her warmth enveloping me. "I'm proud of you, Richy. Keep going."
She leaned in but paused, her nose wrinkling. "It'll take time to wash out the smoke," she teased, her tone playful yet tender.
The next day's session with Ms. Marina deepened the calm, the chimes and crystal pulling me into a dreamlike state. A whisper echoed--"Embrace"--and I surfaced craving a strawberry lollipop, an odd urge that felt as natural as breathing.