Dear readerâ
Unlike my other stories, there's no male-male sex. And, the femdom in this story is woman over woman, not woman over man. And it's fully nonconsensual and chock-full of humiliation. If none of that appeals, then best to skip this one. But if it is your thing, then by all meansâgo to.
When my ex-husband brings me back, I'm in a familiar situation. I'm in the basement, in a metal chair, naked, my feet shackled to the legs, my arms tethered to the armrests, my waist bound to the chair's spine. My mouth is wrapped around a ball gag. And of course I'm in front of the enormous television screen. It's longer than I am tall.
I've been brought back maybe fifteen times since my ex turned me into Candi. It bothers me a lot that I can't recall exactly how many times. These are the only times when I'm alive, anymore. Not that it's really a life. But these are the only times when I'm myselfâwhen he brings me back to see what he's done to me. And what he's made me do.
I'm groggy. Although he uses a trigger phraseâthat's what he calls it, a "trigger phrase"âbringing me back isn't like flipping a switch. It takes about 45 minutes, apparently. Candi shuts down. The jet fuel of endorphins and dopamine and adrenaline and that propels her sexual insanity drains off. She wanes; I wax; we pass each other in my mind and my biology. The subtler combinations of chemicals that sustain my personality fill my reservoir. Andiâthat's meâreturns. To life. The only fragments of life I'm allowed, any more.
During the third waking, I asked why he kept bringing me back. If it was just to torture me with the videos. He said I had to come back every so often. If he kept Candi around full-time, this body's brain would just burn out. He'd lose Candi, so the price of keeping Candi is bringing back Andi. Torturing me with the videos is just a bonus, he said. Just for fun.
From Candi to Andi. Cunt plus Andi equals Candi, he said. That fucker. Of all the fucking wounds my ex has inflicted, that's the salt.
My vision clears. I'm looking at my midsection. Pubic hair in a stripâthat's not newâbut now its princess pink. Toe- and fingernails, too. My ex knows I hate pink. I'm sure Candi loves it.
Other observations. My skin is flawlessly tanned. Even if it's summerâand I have no idea what season it isâthere's no way this tan is natural. He must have Candi booth-tanning. I think of skin cancer, premature aging of the skin, wrinkles. If my ex has any brains at all, he's protecting his investment by not overtanning me.
Her. Not me, her. I'm not her. We just share this body, that's all.
What else do I see? I'm bigger. Not fat, just larger. More spread in the thighs, a bit of jiggle around the middle. Not surprising. He always said I was too skinny. He's probably changed my diet. Easier to keep me on meat and carbs than my vegetarian diet. I wonder if he's made Candi eat McDonalds. She'd probably love it. She loves all the bad things.
And of course my tits are larger, but that's not just fatâthat's fakery. And it's also not new, although every time I wake I'm just amazed. I discovered ten wakings ago that I'd gone from a B cup to a double-D. Big, soft tits onto my petite five-foot-three frame. When he woke me that time, my back muscles were sore, still straining to hold up these new jugs of miâof hers. Hers, her jugs.
That's what he calls them, her "jugs." They're called a lot of things. Men have so many words for breasts. And vaginas. And women. Especially women like Candi. The videos have taught me that.
I don't see other changes, although I can only look down my front. Maybe the video will give me more information. It's only through the videos that I know what Candi's done. When Candi's in charge, I'm just gone. When I wake, I don't know what's happened. I'm not even certain of how much time has passed. My body doesn't look any older, just plumper. The last I knew, I was 23 years old. I might still be 23, or I might be 25âI really don't know.
To my right is a groan. To my shock, I find another woman, maybe early 20s, nude and strapped into a chair just as I am. Her head hangs down, pale baby-blue hair obscuring her features. Blue toe- and fingernails, blue-dyed snatch. I'm Mrs. Pink and she's Mrs. Blue. Or maybe Miss?
Who is she? Did my ex acquire another woman? Does she belong to someone else? What he did to me, he could do it to other people. Or maybe other people know how to do this, too?
New girl lifts her head. She's also gagged, beads of drool stringing off her chin. Except for the blue, she looks normal: normal tits, normal thighs, normal everything else. Pale. She even has some cellulite. So she might really be new, a fresh capture. Or maybe whoever owns her wants to keep her natural. Although that seems unlikely. Natural doesn't last long around here.
New girl looks around dazedly. She doesn't see me yet. I wonder whether she's been woken before. I hope so. If this is her first or second time waking, it's gonna suck for both of us.
She tries to move her arms and legsâthat's a no-go, of course. Her breathing quickens, she struggles more. I'm out of luck. This is her first or second time waking, and it does, in fact, suck. She freaks out. She bounces on the metal seat like it's a hot skillet, tries to push the chair backward to the floor.
It's all useless. The straps are too strong, the chair is bolted to the floor. All she's going to do is pull her muscles and abrade her skin beneath the straps, just like I did my first couple times. Only by my third awakening did I realize I was only hurting myself. I needed to start thinking my way out of this situation instead of struggling out of it. Somehow.
Still, I get it. I feel like she does. But I need to be smarter than that. Not just for me, now. For me and new girl, both.
Still weak from waking, new girl gives up the fight. Her head lolls to the left, and she regards me blearily. I try to convey some kind of reassurance with my eyesâ
And now her expression is that of utter horror. As if she has seen a true devil. She screams and bounces and struggles. This time she doesn't flail her head around, though. She won't stop looking at me.
What is wrong with her? Why is she reacting this way to me? I'm no danger. I'm strapped in, just like her. And I don't know herâ
âoh. Oh, wait. Yes, I do know her. The blue hair and pubes threw me, and I've never seen her naked before, and the ball gag is mangling her face. But this is Jenna, the wife of a friend of my ex. Jenna, who I knew from holiday parties. Jenna, who was sweet and shy and kind. Jenna whose husband cheated, everyone knew, including Jenna. Jenna who loved her cheating husband so well that she tried to change him into a better man.
Well, that hasn't worked out. Instead of Jenna changing her husband into a better man, I'm betting her husband has started changing Jenna into a much worse woman. Not a woman at all, actually. He's turning her into porn.
But none of that explains her reaction to me. She's not porn right nowâshe's just panic. And she might well piss and maybe shit herself in terror. I did, the first time I woke.
I look away. I can't help her calm down. The best thing I can do is ignore her. I look away, at the floorâ
âand it hits me. I know exactly why Jenna is terrified of me. Well, not me: Candi. Candi did something to her. Oh, God. What did Candi do?
I hear creaks above me. Footfalls. The basement door opens and footsteps come down the stairs. Three men enter the room. My ex. Jenna's husband. And a third man I don't recognize. All white, trim, and well-muscled. Clean-shaven with short hair. Handsome men.
Bad men.
Jenna starts screaming again. My ex slaps her; her husband smirks; the new guy blanches. She stops screaming and hangs her head, blubbering. She's going to get dehydrated from all the tears and snot and drool falling out of her head.
"Jesus Christ," says the guy I don't know. He looks stricken. "I know you warned me, but did you really need to do that?"
"Yup," my ex says. He points at me. "Notice how she's just sitting there, nice and tame? You think she was like that the first few times I brought her back? Bullshit. I had to slap her around."
The man considers. That sounds reasonable.
My ex keeps talking. "But you have to take precautions when you bring 'em back. Be prepared. If Andi were free, she'd be a fucking hellcat. Claw your eyes out and smash your skull and then escape. I don't think three of us could take her. She is that fucking tough and has that much to lose. Now, this other one"âhere he points at Jennaâ"is brand new. Kind of. We've already let Andi have a crack at her." My ex grips Jenna's hair to lift her head. "Right, baby-doll? You remember what Andi did to you?"
Jenna won't open her eyes. She's trying to keep an ounce of autonomy. You can't make me look.
Wrong. My ex takes one of her nipples and pinches, twists, and pulls it as hard as he can. Jenna screams, and her eyes fly open.
"You don't get to look away. Do you understand me?" Jenna blubbers around the ball gag. So, of course, my ex keeps at her. "DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. ME." He punctuates each word with a long, sharp twist of her tit.
Jenna's eyes clearly communicate her reply.
Yes. I understand you. Please stop hurting me. Just tell me what I need to do so you'll stop hurting me.
Jenna's husband says, "You should let me do that. She's mine."
"Then step up, Dwayne. If she's yours, act like it."
Dwayne steps forward. She looks at him pleadingly. He doesn't hit her. Instead, he caresses her blue hair. "Hey, baby," he says, and she shudders. It's weirdly tender. Then he moves to wipe tears from her eyes, and she pulls back. Of course she doesn't want him to touch her.
My ex says, "Okay, now, you need to let her know she can't do that."