Young Woman With Older Man Ch 17

Chapter 17

With Lynn dead and Gwen and Jamie gone, I'm alone with my bad self.

When I thought about the beauty of Lynn and now Gwen, I thought about Marianne and I couldn't help but wonder what she looked like. I would have met her at the funeral but Lynn's Dad made it clear that he didn't want me there and I respected his wishes. It was his daughter after all and in his eyes, I was just her lover. Still, I would have appreciated a moment to say good-bye to Lynn in private, before they put her in the ground forever.

Nonetheless, I didn't want to intrude upon the sorrow of their loss of their daughter by rubbing my presence in their faces. Sure, I would have liked to pay my last respects, but Gwen gave me the location of Lynn's plot and I plan on making a pilgrimage west to Rochester to visit her grave, one day, soon. Seeing her there, resting in peace, will make me happy. Maybe I'll take the dogs with me. Maybe I'll take a chair with me and sit and talk to her for a while. I know that she's not there in spirit, but she's there in body, albeit decomposed body. I believe a visit will help to ease me through the reality of her loss and make me feel better.

Since Lynn and Gwen looked so much alike, I wondered if Marianne looked like an older version of her daughters. I hoped not. I seriously didn't want to find myself in bed with Marianne, too, enough is enough. Next, I'll be sleeping with the grandmother, the aunt, and any cousins who show up on my doorstep. After having sex with three young women, the thoughts of me having sex with Marianne, who was nearly 10 years older than me was not an appealing thought.

I did the math. When I was 15-years-old and jail bait, Lynn's mom was 25-years-old. Then, when I was 30-years-old, Lynn's mom was 40-years-old. It seemed weird and a double standard that I was bothered by seeing myself with an older woman, and not bothered seeing myself with a woman half my age. It's a guy thing, I guess. Besides, lots of women see themselves with younger men more than they do with older men. Then, again, women are more apt to be with older men for money and security than men are of a mind to be with older women for the same. It was then that I decided to tell Jamie that Marianne was coming for a visit to meet me.

"Marianne called me."

"Marianne? Lynn and Gwen's mom?"

"Yeah."

"I figured she would," she said eyeing me with a knowing look. "Was that her on the phone the other day?"

"Yeah," I returned her look. "I don't know why I didn't tell you then. It was, well, there was just so much going on with Gwen here and then you surprising me. Then, when Marianne called I said to myself, now what? What next?"

"It's okay, Freddie. You're still not thinking straight. You're still in mourning. We all are which, to some degree, would explain this huge impromptu sexual orgy we all found ourselves having. In some convoluted way, I know that the only reason Gwen had sex with you was to feel a connection maybe that you shared with her sister." She looked like she was going to cry. "It hasn't been that long since Lynn—"

I kissed and hugged her so that she didn't have to finish the sentence. So, Lynn was the only reason why Gwen had sex with me? I was shocked. Yet, having no regrets for the sex that I had with Gwen, that's okay. Nonetheless, I persevered.

"So," I said with a laugh and a feigned hurt look on my face, "you don't think that Gwen was attracted to me? And that the only reason why she had sex with me was to feel connected to her sister?"

"Yeah, no, I don't know," she said with an uncomfortable laugh. "It makes sense, but then it doesn't make any sense but that's Gwen." She looked at my confused expression. "I'll put it in baseball terms. Gwen is to the family what Manny Ramirez was to the Red Sox. Any time anything is unexplained, we all say, that's Gwen or that's so Gwen."

"Oh, okay, I understand now."

"An unexpected pregnancy, she was a nearly a change of life baby for Marianne. Gwen had special needs, developmental issues growing up and stayed behind a year in school."

"Yeah, I saw that about her. She didn't get some of my jokes. They went straight over her head." I contemplated the floor. "In that regard, she was nothing like her sister. Lynn was as quick witted as me and always volleyed my comments with a funny retort."

We sat there silently not saying anything for some period of time, twenty minutes or so, until I broke the silence with a question.

"So, you figured Marianne would call me?" I looked at her. "Why?"

"Well, when Lynn and I were there visiting her to tell her that Lynn was pregnant, she was so happy for her. She was happy that someone like you had come in her life. It didn't matter that you were so much older. She trusted Lynn's judgment," she said looking at me with a warm smile. "I should warn you about Marianne, though, something that I didn't have the chance to warn you about Gwen."

"Warn me? Why would you have to warn me about Lynn's mother?"

"Marianne is a bit of a cougar. She's had affairs with younger man, men that were much younger than you," she said.

"Does her husband know?"

"I don't think so." Then, she looked away and back again, this time with a troubled face. "It mattered to her Dad, though, that his daughter was dating a man such much older. He was upset, which is why he probably is not coming to meet you and why he banned you from attending the funeral. He figured you were a pig taking advantage of his daughter, his little girl."

"I understand. If it was my daughter seeing someone so much older, I'd think that, too. that he was just taking advantage of her for sex," I said.

Jamie remained silent a long while before speaking, again.

"Marianne felt bad about you not being at the funeral. She figured that you deserved to be there being that you were so much a part of her daughter's life towards the end and she knew that Lynn would have wanted you there, too."

"Still, it hurt not being able to say a final good-bye to Lynn." I paused looking off in the distance thinking of Lynn's laugh. "I know how guys are and how they assume other guys are," I said looking at Jamie. "But I truly loved her."

"I know you did," she reached over and took my hand.

"Imagine how upset Lynn's father would be," I said looking over at Jamie and laughing, "if he knew that I just did his baby girl, Gwen, too."

"Not as upset as he'd be if he knew we both did Gwen," said Jamie with a laugh.

We both laughed and making light of a terrible situation, that being the death of Lynn, made us feel a little better. We spent the remainder of the day doing nothing. The most we did was to have our coffee out on the back screened porch, talk, laugh, and throw a ball around with the dogs. After combating and satisfying Gwen's sexual needs, I needed a day like this. Only, I wanted to show Jamie a good time, too. I wanted to spend some quality time with her and have some memories of her incase this was the last time that we saw one another.

I wanted to show her that I cared for her. I wanted to be intimate with her before she decided to leave, again, which I figured would be later tonight. She had a job to go to tomorrow. Moreover, much like Gwen, I truly figured that this could be the last time that I saw her and whatever private time we spent together today, may be our last.

It was late afternoon when we decided to take a nap. Actually, we had no intention of napping. We just wanted an excuse to go fool around, not that we needed an excuse, but it was a subtle way for each of us to get what we wanted from the other without making one feel pressured. This way, while we were lying beside one another supposedly napping, if something else was to happen, then it did not seem planned, but spontaneous.

Jamie was dressed in her usual attire a half unbuttoned blouse and a short skirt. She loved showing off her tits and her legs. Besides, feeling her up through her clothes while making out with her was one of my favorite things to do with Jamie or with any woman. Another favorite thing of mine to do was to undress her. I found that slowly removing her clothes as we made out, exceedingly erotic.

Even if I had been with and seen a woman naked a countless number of times, feeling them up through their clothes before slowly stripping them naked, always gave me an erection. There's something erotic about unbuttoning a blouse and seeing her bra and then unzipping her skirt and seeing her panty. I love kissing a woman when she's clad only in her panty and bra. Fooling around with her while she's in her lingerie is nearly as hot as slowly removing her bra and seeing her tits and/or peeling down her panties and seeing her pussy and ass.

As soon as we climbed on the bed, we started fooling around, kissing, touching, and caressing. Obviously, neither of us had any plans on taking a nap. Touching her, feeling her, and kissing her blanked my mind. Where Gwen made me feel old, having sex with Jamie made me feel young. Even though there was only a two year difference in age between the women, it was obvious that Jamie was the more mature of the two. It was a relief that I didn't have to slap her ass or squeeze her tits or pull and twist her nipples. I was so glad to have a fairly normal sexual relationship with Jamie, although having sex with someone half my age is not really normal. It is un-fucking-believable.

'Quick someone get the smelling salts. Freddie has passed out again. C'mon, Freddie, snap out of it. Get back in there and fuck her. We know you can do it. Freddie, Freddie, Freddie, can you hear me?'

Oh, lucky me. Yet, I knew that all of this was coming to an end. Soon, I'd be alone, again. Unfortunately, after having sex with these three lovely, young women, I'd be unable to have a normal relationship with a woman my age. What a cruel joke it is to have these women practically throw themselves at me and then to have them fade away leaving me to solely rely on sexual gratification from women my own age.

Before 23-year-old Gwen came into my life and 25-year-old Jamie reappeared, when I was alone and lonely, I suddenly felt old. Without them here, the house felt so empty and the joy and the laughter that filled me up completely last weekend was now gone from me. The quietness of the big, empty house was a constant reminder of how alone and lonely I was. Every day quickly became another mundane day with the same routine.

It was as if someone had made their wish and blown out the candles at a birthday party and it was over that quickly. All of that build up, the Happy Birthday song was sung, the presents were opened, the cake was eaten, and now the guests were gone. The party was over. The sting of reality hurts more when you are without someone there to share your life. Everyone needs someone in their life.

It felt as if it was closing time at the bar when the bright lights go on and it is time to go home. The reality of the outside world that lurked outside the bar and that hid in the dark recesses of the dimly lit, expansive room now shoved me back from my brief escape from reality. It was the same feeling when I'm out in the street half drunk at 1 am and you don't want the party to end, but everyone has gone home and I'm alone. All of my friends have wives with kids and families. It's tough to party when there is no party and when the party is over.

I never felt drunk when partying, that is, until I'm alone. Once alone with my bad self, I feel sick, tired, disorientated, and don't want to be alone. Yet, after Lynn, Jamie, and Gwen left I was alone, as if stumbling home drunk and disoriented. If that's my life after the loss of Lynn, Jamie and Gwen, then this is my reality and I hate it. I hate living alone. I hate being alone. I'm the type of man who needs a woman in his life. Suddenly, I felt like Michael J. Fox in Bright Lights, Big City, when his model of a wife dumped him and he was so alone that only the smell of fresh bread could return him to reality. In my case, I missed the smell of Lynn.

No matter the suffering sorrow that I felt from Lynn dying, I didn't want the candles blown out, yet, first with the departure of Gwen and now Jamie. I didn't want to be lit up in the bright light and standing out front on the sidewalk. I didn't want the party to end. After reveling in all this sexual, social, and fantasy activity, I feared being alone. In the dark recesses of my mind, when I was fucking Gwen and making love to Jamie, loneliness haunted me. The sudden quiet when everyone is gone, finally, is deafening and debilitating. Loneliness is like a hunger that is never satisfied until you have someone in your life, again. Loneliness weakened my spirit like Kryptonite weakened Superman.

I didn't mind looking in the mirror before, when I was a young man, but now, as an older man, I don't want to see my reflection anymore. I hate my image and I hate having mirrors in my house that lurk in every room and that come to life as soon as I turn on the light. Now, never turning on a light, I walk around in the dark. What happened to me? I blinked and 25 years has passed me by. All that I did was blink. Where did the last twenty-five years go?

Why couldn't I have met Lynn or Jamie or Gwen then? Ah, they weren't even born yet? Yes, of course, I know that. Then, why could I not have been born later? It's not fair. This sucks. This really sucks. I don't want to go home, live alone, and be alone with myself.

I wanted to have slow, passionate sex with Jamie that would last forever. I wanted to make love to her instead of fucking her. I needed to know if there was something else there, something to take me to the next level with her, and something that would endure the length of time. Yet, even though the sex we had was hot, magical even, it paled in comparison to the sex that I had with Lynn.

Yes, I love Jamie but not in the same way that I loved Lynn. I knew now that I'd never replicate what I had with Lynn with Jamie. My love affair with women was over and my heart died when Lynn died. I cringed at the thought of being alone and lonely for the rest of my life. Suddenly, I saw myself as an embittered old man, a recluse who lived alone. How awful to have no one in my life and to be alone with my twisted thoughts all day, every day? How awful to have no one else to ponder, care for, talk to, worry about, and laugh and relax with over a cup of coffee? How awful it is to be me?

With the tragic and sudden death of her, the love affair that I had with Lynn was over before it even started. Then, I looked to Jamie to get me through my grief. Why did she return? Why did she come back to tease me with her beauty and charm? Now, that she had come and gone again, I wish she had stayed away because the pain of her leaving the second time is worse. The loneliness that I feel now is more severe than before.

She was so very young and so very beautiful, surely not as beautiful as Lynn, but I could have loved her, maybe, one day. If only she had stayed for a while longer, another day, then another week, a month, and a year would have passed. Surely, then, I would have loved her and she me. Now, she's gone, too. Lynn, Gwen, and Jamie are all gone and I am alone with the dogs, Seymour and Polo. Yes, I love my dogs, but they're not a fair exchange for hot, sexy, young women.

It was almost 9 pm when Jamie drove away Sunday night. But for the dogs, I was alone, again. Only, this time was different. Maybe because the house was so alive with life, with Gwen and Jamie, and now suddenly so dead, this time was worse than it was before. There was eeriness to the house, a feeling that stuck to the walls, the floor, and the ceiling like electro-magnetically charged dust.

The dogs felt it. They were ill at ease, restless, pacing around the house, whining, and they wouldn't lie down. It freaked me out when they sat straight up wagging their tails while staring up at the ceiling or turning their head from side to side while looking up at the wall. Suddenly, they preferred staying outside than being indoors. In and out, as soon as I put them out, they wanted to come back inside. They were just as restless as I was. Now, I really felt alone with no young naked women, but for the friendly, loyal dogs to occupy me.

I've never been to a psychic and have never had my palm read or my fortune told. Definitely, I'm not one who believes in ghosts, but if I did, I would have thought that Lynn's spirit was here. Maybe, the energy of Gwen and Jamie's visit brought her here, and maybe, that was the underlying reason for their visits. Maybe, she exists and is alive in another dimension, and maybe, she's watching me and can hear me but I can't see or hear her. That's ridiculous, isn't it?

"Lynn, if you're here, I miss you and I love you, baby." As soon as I said it I felt foolish but saying it made me feel better. "So, what's it like being dead?"

Figuring she was with God in Heaven, I stared at the ceiling, while talking to her and hoping that she could hear me. Maybe something would come through from the other side, from her to me. Listening, I strained to hear a whisper, anything, and jumped when Seymour's tail knocked an empty beer can from the coffee table. The dogs were ill at ease again and walked to the back door and stood by it until I let them out again for the twentieth time today. Weird, so weird.

I need a drink. I broke open my scotch, the good stuff, the Glenlivet, 21-years-old. Ah, if only I had a nice, blonde or a redheaded 21-year-old right now. I could do her proud.

"Good evening," I said acting foolish and pretending that I was meeting a young woman, as I poured myself a double. "What's your name young lady? Emma? That's a lovely name for such a beautiful woman. Would you like to accompany me home and fuck my brains out? You would? Wonderful."

Only, I was already home and there's no one here but me and the dogs. The dogs wanted to go out again, because they're suddenly afraid to stay in the house, no doubt, because of my girlfriend, who is now a ghost, and is haunting me.

To be continued...