Two thousand two hundred eighty-nine words, nine minutes.
Marge was going to Europe for the summer, and I was to care for her parrot, named, 'Pussy.' The parrot was not used to being loose in the house when Marge was not home, so when I would arrive to feed it, I should expect it would screech and holler a jillion swear words as long as it thought I could hear because it wanted out.
The first evening when I arrived to care for it, I found that Pussy had been loose for at least a couple of days, and the house was nearly destroyed. I guessed that Pussy figured out how to slip the bolt on her cage door.
The kitchen curtains were torn and stained. One curtain rod was pulled from the wall on one end. The shower curtain had streaked bird shit down both sides, and the bar of soap on the vanity looked like a shotgun target with pecked holes and tears. The fruit bowl was broken on the floor, and fruit debris was smeared and partially eaten.
Toilet paper was shredded and scattered throughout the upstairs. Nearly all the potted plants had been tipped over, while some were broken on the floor. The safe was open. Wait. The parrot opened the safe? I don't think so, and neither did the cops.
I called Marge, the parrot's owner, and she said she would contact the police, insurance people, and her son, and then told me I was done and that her son could handle repairs.
A few days later, I learned that the house had been broken into through a cellar window, and the safe was cleaned out. The bird was released, and the crook was caught at the pawn shop in Las Vegas attempting to sell Marge's coin collection.
Marge had returned, interrupting her scheduled time away, and through the police, her son and a neighbor figured out that a friend of her son had pulled the heist and was actually hiding in the house when Marge caught the taxi to the airport.
She had cleaned and fed the parrot the last thing before she left, so I was to go over every other day to feed and clean up after the parrot. So the robber had almost two days to pull off the robbery and clean out her house. The parrot most likely attacked the thief as soon as she released it, as the parrot was not friendly with most people.
Marge said later she thought the parrot had made the thief pay for the crime the entire time since the parrot would have been screeching and swearing at her the entire time Pussy was locked in the cage. The thief had to leave almost immediately when the parrot was freed because Pussy was fearless once released from the cage.
Two weeks later, Marge called and invited me to meet her at 'The Office Lounge' on Northern Lights Blvd for an after-work cocktail. She was sitting at the bar beside the waitress station when I arrived. I sidled onto the next stool, squeezed her, pecked her cheek in greeting, and ordered us a drink.
The drinks went down smoothly, and Marge admitted that she had a motive for dragging me to a bar. She kept reordering drinks until we both felt no pain and had become immersed in a conversation about Miss (Grace) Trodick. Marge admitted that she had called me to parrot-sit because she had pumped Grace, who said she had a 'Stud' in her life, and then admitted who and told Marge so many details that Marge looked me up.
I had been friends with her son on the social scene in town, and he later admitted that he turned her down for the parrot's care because he couldn't stand her screaming parrot.
When Marge mentioned my name, her son said I would be perfect for watching the bird because I was such a 'loner.' The kids at school had been friendly but judgmental, and that was his story, which worked well for Marge to ask me to parrot sit and to introduce herself, thinking I was a 'Stud.'
Grace had gone on about how I was secretive and that I had kept their relationship an absolute secret and could be trusted. Marge took all of the information from Grace and cogitated about calling me but her horniness finally called me.
"Are you Dale?"
"Yes. Who are you?" I replied to the telephone receiver, not recognizing the voice.
"My name is Marge, a friend of Grace, who told me you were dependable and that you might be interested in making a little money for watching my parrot."
"I am interested."