Glenn tells Jimmy, Michael, Bill, Lance, and Joe about Susan, his much younger girlfriend.
"Well, okay," said Glenn sitting down and making himself comfortable in the chair that Joe saved for him in the sunshine.
He took a big sip of his black coffee and put his cup down on the table before looking from Jimmy to Michael to Lance to Bill and Joe. In the way they all sat and scooted in closer together, one would think that Glenn was a professor about to hold class outdoors. In the way they leaned their heads in to him, they looked as if they were about to hold hands, close their eyes, and have a séance or bow their heads and pray. Only, adding more fodder to their sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, the five men were there to hear more about sexy Susan, Glenn's young, beautiful girlfriend.
Five elderly men eagerly awaited to hear about their sexual fantasies come true, albeit vicariously through a stranger and a fellow resident of the Happy Valley Nursing Home. When it comes to the eternal horniness of men, apparently, it doesn't stop until they die? No matter what the age, men love seeing, hearing, and reading about sexual fantasies. Wanting to believe that Glenn's stories were all true, Jimmy was the only skeptic in the group ruining everyone's fun and good time.
"Well, today is our anniversary. It was ten years ago today that I met Susan," said Glenn looking from one man to the other. "I can't believe it's been ten years. Time flies when I'm having hot sex," he said with a dirty laugh. "She was barely 30-years-old when I met her and I was 67-years-old. I could still throw her a bang. I was as good once as I ever was, but she could go all night. Meeting her was the best thing that ever happened to me and those ten years were the best years of my life," he said shaking his head in disbelief. "Sorry Mary," he said looking up to Heaven.
"Why were those ten years so good?" Jimmy looked at his friends, no doubt hoping that Glenn would stumble.
"Why was that the best ten years of my life?" Glenn laughed. "Duh? Do the math Jimmy. I was a 67-year-old man with a hot 30-year-old girlfriend," he said laughing loud enough to make everyone sitting at the table laugh with him. He raised his hand to his lips and moved it back and forth as if giving a blowjob before taking another long sip of his coffee.
"Damn," said Joe. "I could use a blowjob right now. Desperate enough, I'd even do chubby, little nurse Kathy, if she'd let me."
"Let me tell you, you've never had a blowjob Joe until you've had a blowjob from a beautiful, young blonde who loves to suck cock. Feeling her big tits and fingering her hard nipples while she looked up at me with those big, blue eyes was enough to make my toes curl. Susan made up for all the blowjobs my wife refused to give me, God bless her soul."
"So you expect us all to believe that this young, beautiful woman was hot for your cock?" Jimmy looked at Glenn with a self-satisfied smile of disbelief while making a sour face and shaking his head.
"Don't listen to Jimmy, Glenn," said Joe. "He's just jealous. He'd rather play cards and checkers than to hear about Susan. He thinks she doesn't exist."
"He'd rather play cards and checkers than to have sex," said Lance laughing and making everyone else laugh.
"That's not true. I'm not jealous," said Jimmy. "I'm sitting here and listening aren't I?"
"Oh, Susan exists alright. I have the hickey marks to prove her existence, only I'd have to remove my pants and underwear to show you," he said with a dirty laugh.
"Please continue Glenn," said Joe.
"Well, I remember it as if it all happened yesterday. After having just retired from working forty years with the state of Massachusetts, minding my own business, I was sitting on a park bench in the Boston Common feeding pigeons, as I've done so very many days before. With nothing to do, no place to go, and so little money to spend on entertainment, not that I needed much other than the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriot, the Boston Celtics, and the Boston Bruins games on TV, I viewed the pigeons as my only friends," he said with a laugh. "Bored out of my skull and after seeing some of the same ones every day, I even named some of the pigeons by the distinctive coloration of their feathers," he said laughing again.
"I hope my life never comes to me sitting on a frigging park bench feeding pigeons," said Jimmy mumbling beneath his breath. "I'd kill myself first before I named a frigging pigeon," said Jimmy. "God help me. I hate getting old," he said slamming his fist down on the table. "Getting old sucks!"
"Anyway," continued Glenn and ignoring Jimmy's outburst. "After my Mary died, God rest her soul, no longer deemed a couple but a widower, with the friends that I had no loner calling to talk and inviting me to their homes to visit, I was so very alone again with my thoughts."
"Sorry for your loss," said Joe. "I lost my wife too."
"I'm divorced and good riddance," said Bill. "I thought it would be fun to live alone, but the novelty of being alone with no one to talk to quickly grew to boredom and depression. I mean there's only so much beer that I can drink and football that I can watch," he said with a laugh, "but I'm not there yet."
"Happy as a clam with no wife and no children, I never married," said Michael. "That's not to say that I wouldn't mind having a hot, young, busty, beautiful blonde in my bed," he said with a dirty laugh. "I could make her happy. Allow me to clarify my remark. She could make me happy," he said making everyone laugh.
"Sorry for interrupting," said Joe. "Please continue with your story Glenn."
"Bored and lonely, as you just said Bill, I remember that day thinking that I was hungry but not hungry enough to eat another God damn banana, forgive me Lord," he said looking up to the sky, "or anther Spam sandwich, bowl of soup, or more peanut butter crackers."
"I never had Spam," said Michael.
"It's not bad," said Joe.
"What's Spam?" Lance looked from Glenn to Joe.
"A mystery meat with the fan following of a Twinkie. No one really knows what it is," said Bill.
"I think it's road kill reconfigured to look and taste a little like ham," said Michael.
"Instead of being hungry for food, I was hungry for something else," said Glenn continuing. "Filled with a deep restlessness and feeling as if I was missing out on something, as unbelievable as it may sound after being married for forty-years, feeling lonely, I was hungry for the companionship of a woman. Yet, now that I was single, a widower, I wasn't hungry for just any woman," he said looking from one man to the other. "I had my pick of widows. My last hoorah, I wanted someone special."
"Wow," said Joe.
"Shhh," said Jimmy.
"For the first time in my life," continued Glenn, "I was thinking about a young, beautiful, shapely woman," said Glenn making the hour glass shape with his hands. "Maybe because I had just watched the Miss America beauty pageant a few months back and lusted over all of those young beautiful women. Maybe because after sitting on that park bench day after day and seeing so very many beautiful women walk by me, I wanted someone who looked like her or her or her or," said Glenn pointing to imaginary women walking by him.
"This is where Susan comes in," said Joe rubbing his hands together. "I love this part of the story."
"Just let him tell the story Joe without interrupting him," said Jimmy rolling his eyes. "Maybe after he's done going on about Susan again, we can finally play some cards," said Jimmy picking up the deck of cards and endlessly shuffling them.
"After being faithfully married to the same woman for so very long, for some sordid reason, perhaps because I never had hot sex in my life, I wanted the sexual company of a young, hot woman. Sorry Mary," he said looking up to Heaven again while crossing himself and kissing his fingers as if he was holding rosary beads. "In the way that some men pray to win the lottery, every day that I sat on that park bench feeding a giant flock of cooing and shitting pigeons, I prayed to God to deliver me a hot, young woman," he said looking from each of his friends.
"Positive thinking and praying to Jesus is the best way to get whatever you want in life," said Joe. "Trust me. I know."
"Is that why you're here with the rest of us because you prayed to God to end your days living in this nursing home? Give me a break," said Jimmy shooting Joe a look as if he was going to come across the table at him.
"That day, right after my daily prayer which had turned more into an hourly mantra than a prayer, I saw her walking towards me in the distance," he said looking off to the distance as if she was there walking towards him now. "As if she was walking alone, the sunlight lit her up as if the sun was her personal spotlight. As if she was an Angel without wings put on Earth for me and delivered to me, wearing a snow, white suit and a halo of golden hair, God answered my prayers."
"This is it. Here comes the good part," said Joe rubbing his hands together again. "I love this part of the story too."
"Gees, just let him tell the frigging story Joe. Just let him tell the story so that we can play some cards," said Jimmy.
"As if commanded to do so, I remember turning from watching the pigeons eating the stale bread that I gave them to watching this beautiful, young women dressed all in white approaching me. One slow, sexy step at a time, she walked nearer and nearer. With the spotlight of sun now on her back and illuminating her as if she was a golden vision walking down glistening sunbeams sent from Heaven, her blonde, long hair rode the gentle breeze as if her hair was floating on water. As she neared closer, the only color she had beside her lush, long, blonde hair, was her two big, baby blues that sparkled as if she was decorated with gemstones, precious sapphires, instead of eyes," said Glenn.
"As if I'm there watching her, I can just see her walking closer and closer," said Michael closing his eyes, putting his head back, and smiling.
"In the way that she approached me, she could have been a model walking a half mile long runway. I watched her walk nearly the entire length of Tremont Street from Boylston Street to Park Street before she stopped in front of my park bench. Why here? Why Now? Why me?"
"Why Not?" Jimmy laughed.
"Stunned that she stopped to talk, after praying to God to deliver her, all I could do was to look up at her, stare, and smile. As if she was an Angel, a vision of loveliness, she was so beautiful. She was so sexy. She was my sexual fantasy come true," said Glenn.
