Oscar opened the door to his room about two inches. He looked around the best he could for movement. There was none yet, so he opened the door wider. It was just wide enough for his head to fit. The coast was clear-- just as he had planned.
He patted the front pocket of his favorite hawaiian shirt. The cigar he had managed to have smuggled in was still there. This plan had been in the works for two months and now was coming to spring into action. He grabbed his cane from beside the door and strode out into the hallway.
At quarter to six in the morning and all the nursing staff should be in their Thursday shift change huddle. He had known when to begin the plan, but it wasn't until yesterday that he figured out the destination. If he had tried to enjoy his cigar anywhere, the smoke detectors would go off in seconds and the nurses would bust him. Yesterday he used the public restroom down the hall instead the one in his room. It had no smoke detectors and it had a window that opened. The windows had bars, but they did open.
Oscar hustled down the hall as fast he could without making noise. He had years of practice with his cane so using it silently was not hard. The bathroom was twelve doors down on the left. A small nurse's station was about two doors further down. An average nurse huddle was twenty minutes and they took place down the other end of the hall. This station should be empty at the moment.
It had been well over a month since Oscar had a cigar. He didn't smoke them all the time, just enjoyed one or two a month. They were his small little vice. At his age it was about the small pleasures. It was the one thing that drove him crazy about his stay at here at Wintercove Mental Health, No outside and no smoking. Chances were a nurse would catch him before he finished it but the risk was worth it. He didn't feel human anymore here.
As Oscar got within arms reach of the bathroom he heard the voice he dreaded. Judy was the one nurse in this wing that he couldn't stand. The feeling was mutual for her. Since he got here two months ago, she had found every piece of contraband he smuggled in. Well... everything but the cigar. Each time she told the doctors or social workers about it. So far they really didn't care but it did mean a lecture from all of them. For fuck sakes, he was a seventy two year old veteran. What the fuck did they think they could change about him now?
"Oscar Thornhill, where do you think your going?" asked Judy. She was manning the smaller station and apparently skipping the nurse huddle.
"To take a shit Judy," Oscar said. "You can watch if you like," he jabbed.
"You have a toilet in your room," Judy answered.
Oscar gave her his widest grin. "Yeah but lasts night was meatloaf. I don't want to be smelling that aftermath all day."
"Always the wiseass, I see," she said walking closer. Oscar hoped she had not seen the cigar yet.
He turned and started back towards his room like he was going back.
"Not so fast Oscar. Your up to something," she told him. "I have been watching you."
"Listen Dear, I hate to tell you but you are not my type," he quipped.
"Keep it up Oscar," she said. "Turn around. Slowly."
Oscar did as he was told. It took a half a second but Judy zeroed in on the cigar like a vulture. She yanked it out and stuck in her own pocket.
"Oh Oscar... Your rule breaking is adding up," she told him. "Last week it was a flask and a few weeks earlier, you were trying to get gambling addicts to play poker. At least you're not stupid enough to be trying to escape."
"Escape?" he barked. "I am here for six months of anger management and mental health assessment. I got off easy. I just don't like going without my Montecristo's."
"Well you keep this BS up and I will make sure you get stuck here longer."
"Sure thing, Nurse Ratchet," Oscar said.
"Fuck you Oscar." she replied. "I don't like being a bitch, but you don't give me any other options. You insistently cause issues," She clapped her hands loudly. "Danny!" she shouted. "Danny! Where are you!"
A large orderly strode from way down the hall. He was the same height as Oscar which was not easy to do. Oscar was 6'3" and that is why they always had Danny deal with Oscar. Danny had a tight buzz cut with one of those goatee chin hair things Oscar always associated with movie villain bad guys. Did he really think women found that attractive? The only thing Oscar ever thought of when he saw it was Evil Spock from Star Trek. Danny also didn't seem to like Oscar much but Oscar didn't really care either.
"Yeah Judy," Danny grumbled as he came down the hall. "What did Oscar do this time?"
"Not enough to put him in any real trouble," she said acting like Oscar was not there. "Please escort him back to his room. Daphne should be doing her rounds with pills soon. I would hate for Oscar to not get his meds."
"How kind of you Judy," said Oscar with mock sarcasm.
Judy waved her hand at him shooing towards his room.
"I got this Judy," said Danny. "Oscar won't give me any problems. Right Oscar?"
Judy turned and began back down towards the nurse station from which she came. Oscar just shrugged at Danny.
Danny gripped Oscar by the shoulder and gave him a hard shove in the opposite direction.
"Move Oscar. I got places to be," he said.
"Like sticking your fingers up your ass?" Oscar remarked as he began walking.
"Your a prick Oscar. Have I told you that today?" Danny replied. "I would love for you give me a reason to rough you up."
"Danny, you may be the thug around here but I am not afraid of you. I saw plenty of dumb shits like you in the marines. I don't intimidate easily."
"Yeah I get it. Your fucking old. Keep moving."
An attractive redheaded nurse rounded the corner. Her hips had that sway only women who wanted men to look at them did. She was carrying a tray of little cups that contained everyone's morning pills. Oscar did his best to straighten up and tuck in his shirt when he saw her. She waved in both their directions.
"Seriously Oscar?" Danny said as he watched the same nurse. "Daphne is old enough to be your daughter at least. I've got a way better chance with her than you do."
"I wouldn't expect you to understand Danny. You're a neanderthal," Oscar replied. "Daphne is beautiful young woman and I do enjoy flirting. No harm in that. When you get my age you take any feminine attention you can get."
Daphne smiled at them with big dimples and ducked into the first room of her rounds.
"Well look elsewhere," Danny said angrily. "Wheels are already in motion."
"Yeah," Oscar snorted. "You're not Daphne's type. I think she likes men who can hold a conversation."
"I got a way with the ladies you wouldn't understand old man," Danny replied.
"Well Danny, I would love for you to explain that to me but alas, we have reached our destination," Oscar said pointing at the door to his room.
Danny shrugged and turned away towards Daphne as she came out of a room.
"Just get in there and behave Oscar," Danny directed. "Or don't. I don't really care. Next time Judy might let me get rough. I do like when the gloves get to come off."
Oscar ignored the egging from Danny and went into his room. He filled water glass for when Daphne got to him with his pills. Then sat in the chair next to his bed. I would give him the best view of the door.
Seeing Daphne was the highlight of Oscar's day. He had no qualms that Daphne was far too young for him, but she did seem to enjoy flirting with him. It had been a long time since anyone of the opposite sex flirted with him. The fact that Daphne didn't hurt the eyes was a plus too.
