I woke up, cold and shivering. I was drenched in sweat. It was all I could do to fumble my way to the other end of the room and switch the fan off. The cotton of the gown mopped my body and I huddled to get myself together enough to walk to the dresser. As usual, I couldn't recall what the dream was about, save some images.
Five of them, one above, two at my chest, one in front of me, one behind.
The pouring, oh the pouring. Endless waves.
Why wouldn't the shaking stop?
The digital calendar on my desk read 4. An aftershock struck. This is getting intolerable. This number gets smaller every time.
No small mercy that my husband was away, and I didn't have to spin a yarn. I let the gown fall to the floor and stared at myself in the mirror. What on earth is going on, I asked the reflection, my sense of self fading. I dragged myself into the shower, hoping the water would help me compose myself, but the shaking only intensified. At some point, I heard my son yell about leaving for school. Dear God, how long had I been here?
This wasn't the first time I'd been unable to get downstairs in time to see him off. There was only one fix that I knew of -- if only temporarily. I had to hold myself together somehow, so I picked up my to-do list. Emails to respond to, reports to read and a presentation to put together. I raced through it, then called my 3pm appointment to ask if he could come in earlier. He said he'd be by in twenty minutes.