It was one of those dark, frosty, and snowy winter mornings when most of us would much rather roll over, pull the blanket up, and just want to snuggle up a little bit longer. I grudgingly kicked the blankets off to the side, instantly, I felt the chilly morning air engulf my 50-year-old body.
Slowly, I got up, dragged my ass into the bathroom to brush my teeth, comb my hair among other things. Then I got dressed and made my way down to the kitchen stopping to turn the thermostat up.
"It's going to cost me a fortune this year in gas," I grumbled.
I looked out the living room window "Damn winter, why don't you take a holiday someplace. All I see is white, white, white everywhere I look. Is there no other color?"
I opened the kitchen door walked in and did my usual morning routine of turning the radio on, then the coffee maker which I prep nightly before going to bed.
I glanced at the clock as I made breakfast "Hmm...7:45 am, another day in the frozen tundra's of the north."
I poured my coffee added, a little cream took a quick sip, and placed it on the table along with my bacon and eggs. I grabbed my tablet, sat down, and ate while catching up on messages and the news.
I heard a knock on the kitchen door and looked out. It was my bright-eyed and bushy-tailed neighbor Joanne. She's been coming over here almost every morning since she moved in next door about six months ago. I love her to death, but her sunny disposition can be a tad bit annoying on these cold winter mornings.
"Hi Brian" Joanne cheerfully laughed as she removed her long white puffer coat, scarf, mitts, and her red & white toque. Underneath she wore a thick red turtleneck sweater with black stretchy pants that conformed to her perfect ass. There's no better ass in the county I'd rather stare at.
"It's a beautiful winter day out there Brian," Joanne spoke in a sing-song voice.
"It would be if I lived in Hawaii or Cuba." I murmured.
"Oh Brian, you're such an old fogey!" Joanne snips as she looked in the kitchen mirror checking her make-up and fussing with her dark brown shoulder-length hair. Joanne needn't worry, she's blessed with both inner and outer beauty. She even won a couple of local beauty contests when she was a little bit younger. She never let her beauty or winning the contests go to her head, I credit her for that. She loves everybody and everybody loves her back. She reached down and pulled the bottom of her sweater neatly over her pants and gave her ass a little pat. Then she grabbed and patted her perfect breasts.
Now satisfied that she looked flawless, Joanne poured herself a cup of coffee, pulled out a chair, and sat down at the table. She sat there staring at me in silence for a few minutes as I buried my nose in my tablet.
"Brian, why are you so cantankerous all the time?" Joanne frets.
I looked up at her and was going to say something snarky, but then I thought "No, it's not her fault that she's young enough to be my daughter if I had one. She's 26 years old with a perfect smile, a perfect body, and many, hopefully, happy years ahead of her."
"Well, if you must know. I'm 50 years old, I've been divorced for 8 years; I'm renting a house with more holes in it than Swiss cheese, everything outside is covered in a colorless white blanket and it's -22ºC. Furthermore, I haven't had sex for how long and everything on my body gets stiff but my pecker."
Joanne fidgets with her fingers and speaks up "Hmm...well...I can't fix the house or control the weather, but I could take care of that last problem, you know."
I peered over top of my reading glasses at Joanne, "Huh?? Geez Joanne, you can fuck any guy or woman you want. Why me?"
"I dunno Brian, I can't help it. I find you attractive and I think you've got a lot to give a girl like me."
I grinned "Remind me to show you my bank book after, and you tell me if I still have anything to give to a girl like you."
"Brian, I don't want your fucking money or your car!!" she snapped back at me while crossing her arms. "Look, you're not chasing me away. Like it or not, someday I'm going to be laying next to you naked in that cold empty bed of yours keeping you and your limp rocket warm."
"Hmm...well...I must admit I like the thought of waking up next to you" I replied thinking out loud.
"Good, when you get home from work tonight, I'm going be here, and I'll have your dinner ready." Joanne confirmed.
I got up off the chair, scratched my head, grumbled, and put my heavy winter clothes on to go to work all the while I'm thinking. "What happened? I woke up an hour ago, went from basically having nobody in my life. My pretty next-door neighbor comes over for her daily visit, next thing I know she's offering me sex and wants to be my girlfriend; now, I almost have a wife all this in sixty minutes??? Hmm...I must be going to wake up anytime now, this just can't be happening."
