Lately when it comes to this whole Internet dating thing, and camming and chatting on Yahoo, I find myself having a very difficult time trying to be my usual, easy-going, happy-go-lucky, cheerful, old self. These days, it seems to me that no matter how hard I try not to expect things of people anymore -- particularly when it comes to my guys -- I still wind up somehow always feeling disappointed and let down. I guess one reason for that is because, try as I might, I still DO expect certain things from certain people -- especially when it comes to the things that seem to me, should be such simple things to expect of just about anybody -- anybody who professes to care about me, that is.
For example, when someone makes a date with me, I expect him to keep it. That is largely because when I make a date to do something with someone -- come hell or high water, I keep it! Doing otherwise only shows that you lack respect for other people's time, and hence their feelings. Not to mention that habitually breaking dates just makes you look like a liar! And too look like a liar is never a good thing, no matter which way you are looking at it! lol
Why is it then that no matter how many dates I make with my guys -- and as a matter of fact, no matter how few -- not one single guy -- I repeat -- not a one -- ever does follow through and keep the date that he has taken my time to make with me?! And why is it that -- after three years of this Internet dating that I have supposedly been having such a rip-roaring, grand old time doing -- here I still sit in front of my lonely computer keyboard and screen complaining about the same old goddam fucking thing I was complaining about three years ago when I first started this stuff?! Why is it that after making no less than -- oh-let's-pick-a-nice-round-number-like-say 200 dates with the many men I have met here online over the past three years -- why is it that 99.9% of the guys who made all those dates with me are now the same exact guys who are 100%, completely and totally responsible for leaving me feeling as low as I am right now, in this one, big, fat, ugly, sad, disgusted, disappointed lump?! lol Do I have the right to expect even that little of any supposedly MATURE YOUNGER MAN, and still wind up not getting dick from any body? And you can take that literally if you want to, too! Because when I say I am not getting DICK from any body, I mean I am not getting any cock at all -- as in NO SEX! Because guys are still standing me up or canceling out on and breaking every single goddam fucking date they ever make with me!
So... Am I disappointed in all of my guys out there? Those who profess to be so highly interested in getting to know me, so they can meet me in person, because supposedly I am so sexy and I seem to have a great knack for being able to turn guys on so much and make my guys all feel so highly sexually aroused by me, that they cannot wait to meet me and ultimately, hopefully, wind up having some wonderfully erotic and fantastically fabulous sex with me? Am I fed up with every last one, and totally disgusted with all of them, so much so, that I have now reached the point where I could care less if any one ever messages me anymore, to chat sexy chat with me, under the guise and outright LIE of wanting to make a real-time date with me, to come here to my apartment and meet me and have me, in the Biblical sense, that is -- IN THE FLESH? You bet I am!
