'It's an intriguing picture you've created,' Jo said. 'But I wonder if it isn't a bit too ... well ... impressionistic. I wonder if you aren't perhaps leaving a little too much to the reader's imagination.'
My previous editor - Lorraine - had really only been concerned with spelling and grammar. Jo was different. 'I think your reader might appreciate a little more detail.'
'Well, I should leave something to their imagination,' I said.
'Yes, something is fine. But as it stands, you're leaving practically everything to their imagination. I mean ... take Mrs McAllister. Jamie describes her as "an older woman". Does that mean that she is 25?'
'Well, no - Jamie's about 25. I was thinking Mrs McAllister is more like ... I don't know ... 50, 55? Or is that too old.'
Jo smiled. 'It's your story.'
She scrolled down another couple of pages - and then went back - and then forward again. 'So, she's 50 - or thereabouts. What does she look like? Tall? Short? Fat? Thin?'
'I imagine her being about average. Certainly not skinny.'
'Hair?'
'Hmm ... sort of shoulder length - straight - light brown with lighter streaks. Both out of a bottle. I imagine she goes to quite a good hairdresser.'
'Pleased to hear it,' Jo said. 'Makeup?'
'Not over the top. But, yes, well presented.'
'And how does she smell?'
'Smell?'
'Yes.'
'Oh, umm ... perfume. Probably quite expensive.'
'Floral? Citrus? Musky?
'Hmm ... probably more citrusy than anything. And light. Definitely not old-lady perfume.'
Jo nodded. 'And when Jamie first sees her - masturbating - what does he see?'
'Exactly that.'
'Yeah, but what's the picture? Where is she? How is she dressed? What is she doing? You don't really show the reader any of this.'
'Well, I thought they could each use their imagination to see whatever most turned them on.'
'I think you'll find that many of them are reading your story because they have, for the moment at least, run out of thoughts that turn them on,' Jo said. 'They want to see what Jamie sees. They want to feel what Jamie feels. The guys want to get hard with him; the girls want to feel the little electric tingle when they realise that this young man is watching them.'
She had a point.
I closed my eyes and tried to picture what Jamie had seen when he had first looked into the bedroom. 'I think ...' I said, 'she is sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. It's a half-upholstered Georgian-style elbow chair. She has her eyes closed - that's why she doesn't notice Jamie - well, not at first anyway.
'She's sitting on the front edge of the chair and leaning back. And she's naked. No. Make that almost naked. I think she's probably wearing stockings. Black. With lace tops. Yes. But no shoes. Her shoes are lying on the floor where she has kicked them off.'
Jo jotted something on the notepad beside her keyboard.
'Her boobs are not especially large, but they do droop a little. They look just slightly underinflated - but still rather attractive. You can imagine them being quite soft to the touch. And her nipples are a soft pink colour. And quite pointed.
'She's not fat, but neither is she thin. She does, however, have a bit of a tummy - which Jamie finds quite sexy.
'She is sitting with her legs splayed. Her labia are quite prominent - and quite pink against the paler flesh tone of the rest of her vulva. Oh, and she has quite a large patch of pubic hair, but it's soft and wispy with hints of silvery grey.'
'And, as you say in here,' (Jo tapped the screen of her laptop) 'she's masturbating.'
'Yes. Right hand. Working her clit with her forefinger ... I think.'
Jo nodded. 'Good. Yes. That works for me,' she said. 'Shall I let you have another go at it?'
As I walked home from Jo's place, I wondered where the image of Mrs McAllister had come from. The characters in my stories are usually based on someone I've known - or at least someone I have met. But Mrs McAllister was just one of those characters that seemed to come from out of nowhere. At least she seemed to come from out of nowhere when Jo got me to paint a detailed picture. Up until that point, she had just been a sort of sketchy cardboard cut-out for the reader to imagine as they might. Maybe the first Mrs McAllister was just a placeholder for the real Mrs McAllister.
By the time I got home, the sun had almost set but the temperature was still right up there. I kicked off my boat shoes, grabbed a cold beer from the fridge, and headed for my desk.
***
Had Barry said first on the right at the top of the stairs or first on the left at the top of the stairs? Jamie couldn't remember. But the door on the right was partially open, so he'd start there. He poked his head around the door, and there she was. Of course, at that stage, he didn't even know that it was Mrs McAllister. It was just a naked woman. And she was playing with her pussy.
Jamie's first instinct was to step backwards into the hallway. The woman had her eyes closed. She hadn't seen him. She couldn't have seen him. One step back and she need never see him. But he was frozen to the spot.
The woman had an attractive roundish face and shoulder-length hair - light brown, with even lighter brown (almost blonde) streaks. She was wearing makeup that probably helped to make her look younger than she really was. Jamie noticed that her bright red lipstick was a perfect match for the red on her perfectly manicured fingernails. And she was moaning. Softly.
After the tanned, young bodies that Jamie was used to seeing on the beaches (and the Internet), the paleness of the fuller maternal body before him was something of a surprise. But it was a nice surprise. And even before he had really had a chance to take in the whole scene, he felt his cock beginning to stir.
'Find it?' a voice called out from the bottom of the stairs.
Even as Jamie's cock rose, his heart sank. He stepped back - quickly - hopefully before the woman in the chair had a chance to open her eyes - and he listened. Nothing. Nothing further from the bottom of the stairs. And nothing from the woman in the chair. Slowly, very slowly, he leaned to his right and peered around the door. The chair was empty.
'It should be on the wall just to the right of the bed,' the voice from the bottom of the stairs called out.
Jamie coughed quietly to announce his presence and then knocked on the partially open door. There was no reply. He waited for a moment longer. There was still no reply. Eventually, Jamie pushed open the door and looked around the room. It was empty. Aside from the chair in the corner, there was not even any furniture - although there was a pair of shiny black patent leather shoes, just lying there, as if someone had carelessly kicked them off.
***
'Hello? Is anyone there?'
I had left the French doors open to let a bit of air flow through the house and, when I walked through into the kitchen, there was a woman, 50-ish, casually dressed, standing in the open doorway. 'Hello,' she said. 'My electricity doesn't seem to be working.'