My name's Patricia, and I'm fifty. That's the way they start those meetings isn't it? Alcoholics Anonymous and all those other 'I don't want to be that, but I am' kind of groups? You get the gist—I don't want to be fifty, but I am.
It's like some kind of disease, this aging thing. A nasty, ugly disease that you can't do anything about. Oh, I could have my tits done, my face lifted, and my fat rearranged with a vacuum nozzle and a scalpel, but it's a losing battle and everybody knows it.
I exercise. Not just to make me look better, although it does, but to make me feel better. I love the hormone rush or whatever the heck it is after a good zumba session, and yoga just makes me feel more like a woman for some reason. The cute guys I get to watch are a nice bonus. Watching guys sucks though, after a while. It's like looking at pastry through a window. Not very satisfying.
Don't ask me why, but I've always been attracted to younger men—boys when I was in my twenties. Don't fret, I never messed (too much) with jail bait. Now that I'm the big five-o, guys with grey hair just depress me. They remind me too much of my own age I guess, and I don't need anything more than a mirror to do that.
Men my age are mostly out of shape, and the ones who aren't, the ones who work out, are mostly full of themselves. Sorry if you're one of the good ones who isn't like that, but it just seems that way to me.
Which brings me back to younger guys, with smooth skin, tight muscles, sweet asses, sparkling young eyes . . . well, you get the drift. I spend all my spare time on the computer looking at 'mature' porn, the sites with older women fucking hot twenty-year-old guys. Some of those videos are so hot I can't stand it. There's something about a young guy that can go and go and go and a woman with enough experience to know where that go-go can take her...it drives me to my trusty rubber cock every time.
The problem is this fucking aging thing. I'm almost old enough to be their freakin'
grandmother
fer chissakes. Sad but true. Some of you girls out there know what I'm talking about. To put it in slang from my high school days, it
blows
, and I'm not talking about the good kind of blowing.
So here's the story I'm going to tell you. The part were sexy stuff happens and you decide to stay interested and keep reading (if I didn't loose you already. My friends tell me I can ramble on with the best of 'em). I started fucking those twenty-year-olds. I hit on the perfect system. It was completely by accident, but it works like a charm, and so far I haven't ended up in jail. (I always ask if they're eighteen and check their I.D., but you know how those things are these days).
I was in a cheap restaurant for lunch one day, up in the University section of the city. The cutest boy waited on me. I mean totally adorable, but in a totally fuckable kind of way. The reason I was up there was to buy a new camera at the store where the photography students shop. I wanted something nicer than a phone camera, something with a viewfinder like I grew up with, and I got carried away in the store and bought a little interchangeable lens Olympus that was on sale. It's like a little jewel, and I was looking it over and trying to figure it all out when my dreamy, blue-eyed waiter asked me about it. I don't know why, but I told him I was an artist (I'm not) and before I could get my mouth to stop I told him I shot nudes (the only thing I've ever shot nude was my sisters little baby). What happened next is what changed my life.
"I've done some life modeling for some art classes, to make some extra cash," he said.
"Life modeling? That's like nude stuff, right?" I said, sounding like a complete idiot that didn't know a thing about what I supposedly did for a living.
"Yeah," he said, looking at me like I was a little odd.
"So how much do they pay you for that," I asked.
"Fifty bucks," he said, his dreamy blue eyes twinkling. "It's pretty sweet. Easy money."
"Yeah, I hire models too," I said, my mouth still rambling on with a life of its own. "I can pay you fifty."
"Really?" he said, his big beautiful eyes getting even bigger and even more beautiful. "That'd be sweet!"
"So like, today? I'd kinda like to get started," I said. My pussy was already wet, and I could have gotten started with him right there on the table.
"Wow . . . uh, yeah! Cool!" he said.
My hand was trembling a little as I wrote down my phone number for him. He said he'd call when he got off work after the dinner shift. I spent the rest of my lunch time letting my heart rate get back to normal. It wasn't easy because his sweet little twenty-year-old ass showed out the back of his apron, and the stupid kid smiled at me every time he caught me looking at him. Didn't he know I was old and could
die
from that kind of thing? Kids these days.
When I left the restaurant I panicked. I was an
artist
? Who shot
nudes
? "Good God woman, what were you thinking?" I said to myself as I slapped myself on the head. I decided I had two choices—I could look like a complete fool when he showed up, freak the kid out and never be able to show my face around those parts again, or I could quickly turn myself into an artist who shot nudes. What could be so hard about that, right? Artists are eccentric, at least in the movies, and they don't all do things the same way. I found myself walking back towards the camera store and I asked the nice sales guy about it.
"Say I wanted to shoot nice artistic pictures of like, people. People's bodies and stuff," I said to the guy, trying to be smooth but failing miserably.
"Well, for peoples bodies and stuff," he said with a smile, "you're gonna want at least two nice lights. Three's better. These nice LED units are pretty slick . . ."
I ended up with a carload of shit that cost two-thousand dollars. My stupid wet pussy cost me
two-thousand fuckin' dollars!
I felt like such an idiot. But as I loaded it all in my car I was hornier than I'd been in years. My pussy was
still
wet. It was weird—fifty-year-old women don't feel that way, at least I never did. We're supposed to use lube fer chissakes, not be dripping wet at the drop of a hat.
The goofiest god-damn part of all of it was I had no idea if Ryan—that's dreamy blue-eyes' name—would be the least bit interested in having sex with an old gal like me. Chances were good he wouldn't be the
least bit
interested in it. He was just a sweet kid who wanted to earn fifty-bucks, probably so he could take his pretty young girlfriend out to a club and then bang the shit out of
her
.
I got home and unloaded two-fucking-thousand dollars worth of stuff my stupid wet pussy made me buy, and scratched my head wondering what to do with it all. I've got a spare bedroom, with a bed my seventy-five-year-old mother sleeps in when she comes to town for shopping trips, so I hauled the lights and stands in there, set them up as best I could, and sat down on the bed with a book on 'Glamour Photography' the sales guy sold me.
Pardon my French, but it was complicated as shit. I moved the lights around and tried to duplicate one of their set-ups, but I didn't have time to really learn anything, and I was nervous and sweating when my phone rang. I looked at the clock and it was eight o'clock. I had completely missed dinner, and my heart just about flew out of my chest when I realized it was probably Ryan that was calling.