My name is Eliza Doolittle and my life started over when I was already an old lady. My husband Will and I were both 60.
I arrived home from work at 3pm in pouring rain, and I got drenched running from my car to the house.
For more than 20 years I'd worked as a waitress on the breakfast and lunch shifts at a diner. I took off my shoes and rubbed my aching feet. At my age, standing for hours tortured my feet and legs. They swelled and ached every day.
Getting old stinks.
I removed my wet uniform, looked in the mirror and frowned. I had never been a great beauty, because I was stick thin even when I was young. My face had been pretty in a girl-next-door way, but my only really good feature was the dark red hair that was my pride and joy. But as I got older my red hair faded until it was dull gray. My small boobs and butt flattened. My face, neck and hands wrinkled. I hated it all.
My husband Will had a low-level job at the Department of Motor Vehicles. I think his official title was "Customer Disservice Agent." His job was to keep people waiting and piss them off.
Every night after dinner, Will sat on his fat ass in front of the television and watched garbage like "CSI Des Moines". He was never exactly a ball of fire, but after the age of 50 he became completely sedentary. At age 60 he was a fat tub of goo and a heart attack waiting to happen. I tried for years to get him to be more active but he resisted every effort.
Will and I hadn't had sex in months. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Coupling with the blob wasn't my idea of fun. He never mentioned it. His poor health probably prevented him from getting an erection.
I wiggled into leggings and a sports bra and went into our spare bedroom to do yoga. I wasn't in great shape, but I wasn't falling apart like Will.
For the millionth time I wondered if I should get a divorce, but discarded the notion immediately. Will was boring and lazy but I didn't have the courage to dump him. The thought of living the rest of my life alone was terrifying, and I had no hope of finding another husband at the age of 60.
After yoga, I searched job listings online and spotted something unusual. A "medical services company" called Galatea Inc was looking for "treatment demonstration models over the age of 60". Applicants would be tested for compatibility with new treatments that "reduce the visible signs of aging." Four women would be hired and receive a 5-year employment contract if they completed the full 3-month "intensive treatment and training program."
Getting paid to undergo age reduction treatments? Sign me up! I completed the online questionnaire and was scheduled for preliminary tests.
The company's headquarters outside of Knoxville was impressive and modern. Helpful employees led me and several other old women through the preliminary tests, which consisted of taking blood samples and skin tissue samples. Yes, they cut small slivers of living skin off my upper arm. Ouch.
A few days later, I was called by an excited man named Dr Higgins. He was the lead doctor at the company. "Your preliminary test results are off the charts, Mrs. Doolittle," the doctor enthused. "We haven't seen anything like it. A large percentage of the population respond to our treatments only moderately, so to find a woman with potential like yours... well... it's thrilling! Please tell me you are ready to join our company."
The next day I signed a 5-year employment contract with Galatea Inc.
"How much are they paying you?" My husband Will asked for the third time. He was having a hard time believing it.
"$200,000 a year for 5 years," I told him again and grinned. The money seemed astronomical to me too. I mean, I was a waitress in a diner. I didn't make squat. "But only if I complete the 3-month treatment and training program."
"Why wouldn't you complete it?"
"Dr Higgins says the workouts are very demanding and the medical treatments are fairly painful because of all the injections."
My husband's eyes opened wide and he frowned. "Painful?" he said. "I don't want you to be hurt, Eliza. The money isn't worth it."
"I'll be fine. I'm a tough old bag," I assured him and kissed his cheek for being concerned about me. Will wasn't all bad. "Are you going to be okay without me for 3 months?" I asked. He wasn't used to fending for himself. I did all of the cooking and housekeeping.
He smiled. "I'm not totally helpless, honey. I was a bachelor for years before I met you and I survived just fine."
I remembered he ate mostly pizza and Chinese takeout as a bachelor, but if he was good with it so was I.
I went next door to where my friend Clara lived. We'd been friends and neighbors for many years. "Do you really think it will work?" Clara skeptically asked after I explained why I'd be gone for three months.
I shrugged. "They showed me some impressive before and after photos, and their doctor says I'm an ideal candidate for the process. I have my fingers crossed."
"Is it like a fountain of youth?" Clara wanted to know. "Are you going to live forever?"
"Unfortunately, no. The process removes the external signs of aging, but internally I'll still be 60-year-old me."
"Oh. Well, it still sounds amazing, if it works," Clara said.
"Is Fred home?" I asked. "I want to ask if he'll take care of our yard while I'm gone." Clara's son Fred was a very nice and helpful teenage boy that I'd watched grow up over the years.
"Fred!" Clara called out. "Come here please!"
The tall skinny teen appeared in a minute. "Hi, Mrs Doolittle," he greeted me.
"Hi, Fred. Will you mow our lawn and weed our gardens for the next three months? I'll be away and you know how my husband is. He's not physically up to it."
"Sure. No problem," he agreed.
I handed him a wad of cash. "Thank you. Is $50 a week enough?"
"You don't have to pay me, Mrs Doolittle."
"Of course I do, Fred. It's a lot of work in the summer heat."
He smiled and agreed, "50 a week is fine. Thanks."
The next day I left home to enter the program. It was a residential program, meaning I would live at the Galatea facility for the next 3 months. They wanted us there 24 hours a day so they could strictly monitor everything we ate, everything we did, and every reaction we had to the treatments.
==
One week into the program, I was too exhausted and sore to make it back to my room after a workout session. I sat on the hallway floor and cried.
Dr Higgins found me there a few minutes later. He sat beside me and put a comforting arm around my shoulders. I leaned against his big, strong body. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I can't keep up," I sniffled and wiped tears from my eyes. "I try, but I can't do the exercises and the trainers are mad at me. They pushed me so hard that I don't have the energy to walk to my room."
"The workouts are very aggressive but you'll get used to them and it will get easier. You'll see."
"I don't know, Dr Higgins," I said. "I don't think I'm cut out for this. Maybe I should go home."
"Don't say that, Eliza," the doctor replied urgently. "You know that your preliminary tests indicated that you're a one-in-a-million patient for us. The end result will be worth anything you're going through now, I'm sure of it. Please stay."
Dr Higgins looked at me with such genuine concern that I couldn't deny him. The fact that he was ridiculously good looking helped his case. A tall and fit man, and only 35 years old. All of the women at the company were gaga over his studly looks, brilliant intellect and quick wit.
"Okay, I'll stay," I agreed, "but you have to help me to my room. I'm stiffening up and I don't think I can walk on my own."