The first time my next door neighbor Richard screwed me I was pissed. He borrowed my lawn mower a couple times, never returning it with a full tank of gas but always remembering not to clean the machine.
Okay, you don't get to pick your neighbors, but he could have shown a little courtesy. It got worse a few weeks later when he "borrowed' it without asking and proceeded to ruin the blade by attempting to cut through some dense overbrush in the back part of his yard.
Although I could not prove he used the mower, who else could it have been? Why, it had to be someone who knew me, and Richard had used it in the past. In any event, he screwed me again.
I hated it when my wife Jordan sunbathed out back, because it invariably meant Richard would have some reason to be up on his ladder, fixing something or another, and several times I caught him staring at my wife who'd fallen asleep, once with her top off. Got a real view that time.
I really hated it when he ogled my daughter or her friends when they were outback. The guy had no shame, as once I caught him taking photos of them with a long lens. That was over the top, and I called him on it. He, of course, denied it, offering me the camera to look at. But fact is he could easily have slipped out the diskette before handing it over.
Richard had the reputation around the street of being a slick, jerk, PIA (pain in the ass) of a guy. He apparently owed a couple people money for various local causes ("Hey Bill, can you put in the $50 bucks and I will pay you back") and was delinquent in his homeowner's assessments as well.
He really screwed me royally during one of our summer card games --- low stakes ---- but he walked off after borrowing $25 bucks from me that I never saw again.
Suffice it to say I tried to stay away from Richard as much as possible. My wife Jordan, though, was very friendly with Richard's wife Candy (how appropriate a name is that, wonder what her real name was?). They'd spend time together, and every once in a while Jordan would let slip some little news tidbit about our neighbors.
Like how he offered to trade some of his construction company's time for his homeowner's assessment. Oh, they did some work, but for every dollar owed they probably did 50 cents worth of work.
I had to laugh, though, when Jordan said Richard insisted on his Saturday night roll in the hay and couldn't get it up. At least that's what Candy said. Richard loved banging his wife, and apparently insisted they get it on every Saturday night.
"She complains about how it's a production, that she always dresses up for him, sometimes as a schoolgirl, sometimes a nurse and even a hooker," said my cross wife. "She's got all kinds of costumes. He buys the crap and she wears it. So each Saturday night the go out to dinner then come home and have a go at it. So very child like. I'm so glad our love life is more special than that."
Jordan also said that at least once a week Candy had to suck him off, usually in the car. "He takes her to dinner then she bows him in the parking lot or by the lake," said my wife. "He's such a pig. Maybe that's where their daughter gets that whorish streak."
This pissed me off even more about him, because Jordan saved blow jobs for special occasions like my birthday, and we only made love a couple times a month. And here this "Dick" was getting way more than me and he's a jerk too boot. Well, maybe I was just jealous. But I wasn't going to complain to my wife. I learned long ago that if I played my cards right, Jordan would be willing more often than if I pressured her.
Talk about the Keeping up with the Jones' thinking. But it grated me.
All of which made my recent discovery a wondrous occasion. You see, Richard and Candy's lovely daughter, Courtney, was a slut. How did I know? My wife told me so. Apparently Candy told her that Courtney was grounded half the time, sometimes for schoolwork but most of the time because she'd been caught fucking this guy or that guy.
"Candy said she'd fucked half the males in her class. And she's serious," said my wife. "Last week Candy actually caught Courtney blowing a guy while they were in their basement, acting like a total slut. Candy walked right in on them. And a week ago she caught her fucking a different guy...they skipped school and were screwing in her bedroom when Candy came into the house early and caught them in the act. Apparently Richard makes all kinds of excuses for her, but Candy is pissed off."
My normally demure wife nearly was spitting out the words, as she really had a thing out for the young girl. So here I hated the dad, she hated the daughter. There was a whole lot of hatred going around.
So what does this have to do with anything? A lot, but I am getting to that.
You see recent Saturday I was leaving the Mall when I saw Courtney slamming the door to a car and walking briskly away from it in a huff. The driver side door opened and a young guy got out and called the girl a cocksucking whore. Then, he gave her the finger and got back in the car and sped off. What a spectacle!
Courtney walked toward the Mall before sitting on a bench. I watched as she dried her eyes from crying. She sat there, staring at the ground, for a while. After a bit I drove toward her, stopped and asked if she needed a ride.
She was a little slow to answer, but then said, "Sure, Mr. Roberts, that would be nice. I just got dumped here."
"We started home and I asked what had happened. The girl was frank and honest. Billy's jealous of Skip, a guy I'm seeing. He wants me to himself, but I like lots of guys. I'm not ready to settle down."
The conversation went on for a while and I asked if she'd had lunch. Said I needed a snack, and she agreed to a stop at a local coffee house.
We spent an hour talking about this and that. It took me back years, to days when I'd sit with girls at similar coffee houses. But what I liked most was speaking to this girl who was supposed to be such a slut who seemed so, well, normal. She didn't act slutty, as quite the opposite, she seemed smart and fun to be with.
For the next hour we spoke about school, and she said she liked it but there were too many "dicks" there that didn't care about being there. She liked history and the language arts, but hated math and science. But mostly she liked gym and study hall, because she could be out of the classroom or didn't have to listen to the instructor. "He's such a tool."
We had a good conversation and I actually believe she flirted a little. No wonder the guys in school liked her, she was not only hot but she played the part of a cute, hot girl well. All I know is that I was a little embarrassed staring at her boobs (she caught me and smiled) and I hated to drop her off.
On several occasions over the next month I noticed Courtney sun bathing in her back yard and I understood how Richard must have stumbled upon seeing my wife in our back yard. Once I was working on the window and Courtney waved.
Later there was no misunderstanding as she unhooked her top and settled onto her front, allowing her back to get some sun. When she later flipped over --- I was still there and she knew it ---- I saw her perky breasts in all their glory before she quickly covered them to my view. She acted embarrassed, but she had this big smile.
There was no love lost between Courtney's father and me. I have to admit I lusted after his daughter in part because she was so beautiful and in part because I hated her father. . She was so approachable, and I fantasized being one of the endless stream of guys who dated her.
Of course, that was a pipe dream, I was old enough to be her father, remember. Still it was the spark to fantasies that got me hot for my wife when she deemed it okay to be taken. Infrequently, but when we did it I'd enjoy so much thinking of Courtney while banging my wife.
As luck would have it my wife Jordan was taking her annual two-week family (hers) sabbatical to the shore (that's the beach to non-Jerseyites) in the middle of May. Ostensibly it was her family vacation, but really it was that and a way to get the shore house spiffed up prior to the arrival of renters in June.
Jordan was abuzz the week before going, and all she could talk about were our nieces and nephews who would be there, those pre-school rugrats who constantly left a stream of toys and spilled drinks on the floor. I'd like to say we had a great lovemaking session before she left, but she was too tired, it wasn't by birthday, the moon wasn't in the seventh house, whatever.
She said I had a rain check, but that was just a way of saying maybe sometime.
The following night I was putting away some laundry when I heard yelling at my neighbors. It was the big Dick, Richard, and he was yelling at his daughter. I couldn't tell what the yelling was about, but he wasn't nice. He actually called her a "fucking slut", something you normally don't hear a father call his daughter.
The next day I made a hurried lunchtime return home to pick up some papers for a report I was working on that I'd inadvertently left behind. I went inside, picked up my missing papers, and then sped out the front door. I spied Courtney pulling up in her car and waved hello.
"Hi Mr. Roberts," said the bubbly girl, looking great in her denim miniskirt. "How have you been?"
"Pretty good, Courtney, pretty good. What have you been up too?"
