Darryl walked slowly down the recently mopped, tiled hallway. Tears leaked from his eyes. It wasn't just from his visit. It was also the ammonia-based cleaning fluid's smell that barely covered the urine smell present throughout the nursing home. He had just come from seeing his wife or, rather, the shell of his wife. Alzheimer's had robbed her of any recent memories long ago. Now she didn't even recognize him. His only positive in his life after these visits was the sight he hoped to see in the cafeteria.
She was sitting right where he expected. Eve was the wife of another Alzheimer's patient. After discovering each other during a coincidental visit, they made it a point to coordinate future visits for just the reason they were about to meet now: sympathy from a fellow traveler. As always, she was sharply dressed with just the right amount of makeup. Her hair was dyed but it was stylish and looked natural on her unlike so many others her age. He imagined she was had always been attractive. 'Class' was the usual word that came to mind when he saw her. He was afraid to let her know how much he cared for her. His feelings for her may come too much from not having a wife to make love to.
Eve gave Darryl a chance to sit down and decompress before she asked, "How was Millie today?"
"About the same. I had some success with the old photo album, but she remembers fewer and fewer of the people. She was really bad about wondering why her parents had not taken her home. She cried a lot. So did I."
Darryl took another few minutes to recover. "What about George? Still bragging about his big fish?"
"Yes, he never gets tired of that story. I guess I should be happy that he still delights in something. Every time he acts like it is the first time he is telling me. It's hard to react like I just heard it for the first time, but I do my best. I feel a little disappointed in him being more excited about talking about a fish than our children. He has begun to ask when he's going home. I lie and tell him tomorrow. Then in a few minutes he forgets he asked."
"This sure isn't what we planned for our retirement. . . . Was it yours?" He felt sure she knew he was kidding.
"No, but at least George and I were able to take a couple of trips before he got too bad. He always worked in a chance to go fishing, of course, but I'm glad for that even though he doesn't remember them now. I enjoyed talking to the other fishing widows."
"Millie and I hadn't even started traveling before we had to give up. When I think of all the times over the years one of us had said, "We can't afford that. We're saving for retirement." So, now I have retirement funds and no wife to travel with. At least you have kids and grandkids."
"That I hardly ever see. The kids can't bear to see their dad in this shape. They always have an excuse not to visit. I know their excuses have some validity, but they seem to be able to do the things they want to. I'm sorry Darryl, it's hard not to be bitter sometimes."
Darryl asked Eve if she wanted some coffee. She did. He didn't have to ask how she liked it. He knew. After the brought the cups to the table, he told Eve he had something important to ask her.
"If George dies before Millie, will you still come and meet with me?" Tears were back in his eyes.
"Of course, Darryl." Her hand reached over and rested on one of his hands. "I was thinking of asking you the same thing if Millie were to die first. I don't think I could have made it this long without your support, my dear friend. I'll be here whenever you need me."
"Thank you. I feel the same way." They parted as the cafeteria was being prepared for supper.
George went first, unable to fight off pneumonia after too many years of smoking that had weakened his lungs. Eve felt she was fortunate she didn't have to spend more time watching him slowly deteriorate. In the end, she had to be the one who authorized the pulling of the plug. It was still a hard decision. Who wants to be the one to end the life of anybody, much less someone they have loved for over 50 years?
Darryl attended the funeral but stayed in the background as Eve was surrounded by family. She did introduce him to her family as her best friend who had a wife in a similar situation as George had been. As with every other funeral he had attended, he could not think of any condolence that felt good enough. After the eulogy, Darryl wished he had known George when he was a young man. They could have been good friends and gone fishing together.
After every time he visited Millie, Darryl went to the cafeteria in hopes of finding Eve in her familiar spot. His heart ached when she was not there. He knew it would be a while before she would probably return, but he got his hopes up every time. Darryl fought a desire to call her and ask if she were coming. It was more important that she deal with her loss in her way. She was under no obligation to him. When that day she came finally arrived, his heart leapt for joy. His tears were now from happiness.
"Thank you for coming. You don't know how much it means to me." He had to stop talking or risk breaking down sobbing. "How are you holding up?"
"I came as soon as I could get all the funeral, wills, insurances, and bills taken care of. Every time I thought I was done, something new popped up. As far as how I'm doing emotionally, all it takes sometimes is a letter addressed to him to turn on the waterworks. But it gets a little easier every day." She sat in somber reflection for a moment then straightened up. "Enough of my troubles, how are you Darryl?"
"Better now that you're here. Millie is still going downhill. They say she will start having organ failure soon. She isn't able to speak intelligibly now. I understand the difficulty you had in making the decision to let George die. After every visit, I think I would be able to give consent to end Millie's suffering, but when I go back home, I think that maybe it was just a bad day and she'll be more lucid the next visit. I'm more tired emotionally than I am physically."
Eve continued to come every day except when she had a medical or legal appointment. She took one week off to visit kids and grandkids then rested two days after that.
In about six weeks, Millie finally succumbed to her disease. Although Darryl had many friends who paid their respects, Eve was in the center of the funeral arrangements. Darryl asked her to take charge. She had the experience and had the woman's touch on how things should be arranged. A clueless, bereaving Darryl was very grateful. It was nice not to have to worry about more than greeting the mourners. She was happy to be able to help.
After the burial, Darryl asked Eve to go for coffee somewhere other than the nursing home cafeteria. At their table, Darryl said, "I don't know what to do now. Some people have advised me to make the trips Millie and I had planned. I just can't see myself going without her. The only thing I looked forward to in the last few months was meeting with you. Now I don't even have that."
"Darryl, are you trying to get rid of me? I don't see why we can't continue to meet for coffee here or in our homes? Not every day maybe, but on a regular basis. I think I would miss our time together too much if we just stopped. You've been a good friend. What do you say?"
A schedule was established. They soon got tired of the high prices of the coffee shops and switched to alternating between their houses. As their talks no longer revolved around the physical or mental conditions of their spouses, they shared more personal concerns. They found out that in some ways they were opposites. Darryl was more conservative, logical, and organized. Eve was more artistic, liberal, and impulsive. If an argument began to get heated, they agreed to disagree and moved on. Their friendship was more important than winning a particular debate.
Darryl the one to suggest a change in routine. "Eve, would you be willing to go out to dinner with me?"
Eve didn't answer immediately. "I wondered when you were going to ask me. I've given this moment a lot of thought. You know when I was a girl, I was told there were two types of boys: ones you had fun with and ones you could take home to meet your parents. I am not ready to date anyone who I might put in the second category yet. I'm afraid if we dated, I would feel pressure to form a binding relationship. That pressure might break our friendship prematurely. Darryl, you are my most trusted friend. I am not ready for a more intimate relationship with anyone. Until and if I ever am, I want to keep you as a friend. I need to keep you as a friend. Do you understand? Please don't be upset."
"Yes. I understand. That's kind of why I put off asking you before now. I don't want to lose our friendship, but there's no one I would rather be with more than you. If you are afraid seeing each other socially might lead to a break-up of our friendship, then, no, I do not want us to date."
"Eve, I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable or hurt your feelings."
"Darryl, feelings that can't be hurt, aren't worth having."
After a few months, Eve decided that it was time for her to start dating. Her kids convinced her that George would have wanted her to. She knew she had to say something to Darryl first. After she has explained why she was going to date, she said, "Darryl, please don't ask me out just yet. Frankly, I'm still afraid that my positive feelings for you would push me into a deeper relationship than what I can handle now. There is a man George and I have known for a while that has asked me out. I think that would be a good place for me to start."
Darryl said "Fine" and smiled. Inside he was wounded. He was sure he had fallen in love with Eve, but she kept sending signals he was interpreting as her not caring for him in the same way. He was willing to stay a friend no matter what he really desired.
Darryl was watching TV when his phone ring. It was Eve. Calling this late in the evening was unusual. He answered and was surprised to hear, "Darryl, I have asked you and asked you to bring back that punch bowl set you borrowed. Now I am demanding you bring it here RIGHT NOW. Do you understand? I need it tomorrow. If you and the punch bowl are not here in ten minutes, our friendship is over." She hung up.
Darryl thought for a second. He was either dreaming or she was hallucinating. He had never borrowed a punch bowl from her. Eve knew he had one as it sat on his dining table as an ornament. Then it hit him, "Eve is asking me to come right over. Something is happening she can't talk about." He quickly put his punch bowl set in a box and rushed to her house.
Meanwhile at Eve's, she was arguing with Larry, her date. "I'm sorry, Larry, but he has been taking advantage of me far too long."
"I don't see what the big deal is about an old punch bowl. It's interrupted our whole evening and it was going so well. Call and tell him not to come and let's get back to what we were doing."
"I'm not going to be a good companion as long as I'm thinking about getting my punchbowl back. I have an important gathering at my house tomorrow and I don't want it spoiled. You'll just have to wait."
