As I counted down the hours Friday afternoon, slowly through the "hour glass", I had reason to have a big smile on my face. I was a 42 year old father of 2, whose wife and kids would all be out of town for what promised to be a gorgeous, early June weekend. My wife and one daughter were headed away on a mother-daughter weekend and my other daughter had been invited away for the weekend by a friends family.
With a post-work trip to the grocery store planned, my shopping list would rival the menu of any steakhouse/sport bar. Mixed with my new 80" TV, I would relive the days of being a free bachelor that had all but faded from a life of raising kids and saying "yes honey" to everything that came out of my wife's mouth..."happy wife, happy life" had replaced "you only live once" as my motto. With cat-like speed, I darted out of the office at 5:01, cranked up the classic rock in my car, opened the sunroof, and entered utopia.
And then the "wrench" was inserted firmly into the spokes as I rode along "life in the fast lane". My blue tooth chimed to life in my car; the digital dash display informing me my wife was calling.
"Hello Honey," my wife Melissa said, "We're already a hour down the road and I wanted to check in with you."
"Oh great, well I hope you have a wonderful time. I just pulled out of work, headed to the store for a few things, and then headed home for a boring weekend missing my family," barely getting that last comment out without choking on my own bullshit.
"Okay, well I hope you get a chance to relax. And don't forget to include Kim in your shopping list. She should be there anytime and will probably be starving from the long drive."
Kim was the daughter of my wife's best friend. Last time I had seen her was a couple summers before when we took a summer road trip to visit their family; about a 10 hour drive from our home. Kim was a bubbly (read into that annoying), little "cheerleader" type who, "Oh My God" had "Like" had so much drama to talk about all the time. Even drinking heavily couldn't make me ignore her personality that was like nails scraping down a chalkboard. In an effort to be nice, I'll stop my description of her there. Kim had apparently finished her first year in college and my wife had landed her a job at our local resort as a lifeguard/pool attendant. Kim would be staying in our granny unit in the back yard and, as I understood, coming the FOLLOWING weekend.
"Wait. Kim is coming next weekend, right?" I asked as a strange silence came over the phone call.
"Um, no. Didn't I tell you she changed her plans and was coming in a week early so she could have a week to just chill and see the city before starting work," Melissa sheepishly said.
The restraint I had to apply to keep from unleashing a string of expletives on my wife, knowing my daughter was in the car and could hear me, could have stopped a fast-moving train in its tracks.
"I don't remember you saying that at all, but of course I'll pick up a few things for her."
"Great, well make her feel at home."
"Of course honey, have fun."
As I hung up, the dam that had held back my tirade broke. "What the fuck is she thinking? How the fuck could my perfect weekend get so fucked up? Now I have to spend it with a little shit-headed bitch who will have me wishing for a quick death the minute she opens her mouth. Of all the lame ass fucking idiot shit for my wife to pull."
As I grocery shopped and trudged home, the ashen gloom on my face must have been noticeable to everyone around me. Pulling into the driveway there was no sign of Kim's car. Maybe she'd gotten lost and wouldn't show up for a few days I laughed...anything to preserve my weekend alone. I put things away, poured myself a cold glass of dry, French rose wine, and mumbled swear words as headed for my bedroom hoping a hot shower and some wine might take the edge off from the devastating news I had received.
I was right. The shower was relaxing. Up until the point I was stepping out of the shower and I heard a loud knock at the door. Wrapping a towel around my waist I headed for the door. "Well hello, you must be Kim. Sorry, but I just jumped out of the shower."
"Yes, I'm Kim. You must be Dave," she said as she stuck out her hand with a warm, almost business-like greeting.
"I'll shake your hand later, I don't want to let go of the towel," I said laughing to break the ice.