Kait was up and working when I woke.
I lay there thinking about last night and wanting to talk to her about it. I also wanted to stay where I was and get my own thoughts straight.
I grabbed coffee and logged on to the computer before checking in with Kaitlin.
She’d sent me an email. All she wrote was “THANK-YOU.”
I smiled to myself. I wanted to go outside, hug her and tell her that I wanted to talk whenever she was ready but I had another email from Jerry, my buddy in the City, Kait’s Uncle, that I opened first. Jerry wanted to know if I was still heading up there on Thursday and if his Niece would be coming too.
Years ago Jerry and I had been involved in a rather strange but immensely sexual and satisfying relationship with a girl named Caroline. Jerry wanted to let me know that Caroline was in the City and a get together could be in our future.
It was the last thing I wanted right now but I didn’t want to have to explain why to Jerry. For the first time I felt some wariness about explaining it all to Kait. I knew on one hand that I wanted to tell her everything but on the other I wasn’t sure that I was ready to tell her the details of the most erotic period of my life.
It would be better to tell her about a few of the one night stands and long term monogamous relationships before launching into the story of the fuck fest that summed up my time with Caroline. The fact that her Uncle was implicated in the whole history of events wouldn’t help either. Beyond this I wanted Kait to stick around. I sensed that she would but I didn’t want to throw doubts in her way either.
I replied to Jerry and told him I’d let him know on both counts later. I logged off and went out to the garden leaving a couple of dozen emails unopened. Kait walked towards me and hugged me tightly to her. Her hug was long enough for me to know that she needed hugging back.
“You ok?” I asked.
“If you are, if we are.”
“Couldn’t be better Kait. It was the most amazing event of my life.” I figured I could find a way to explain why it was if only by the difference of the experience versus any other I’d ever had.
She hugged me tighter “can we have lunch together?”
“Of course we can, I’m going to the gym for an hour, you want me to make reservations somewhere?”
“No, we can eat here.”
She hugged me again and looked up at me, our lips met and I spoke in a whisper as I took her face in my hands “Kait, don’t worry about it, it was beautiful.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure, I want us to be open and honest, it’s the best thing and you enjoyed it right?”
“Oh so much Ben. I just loved it, I didn’t sleep a wink through thinking about it. I masturbated twice in the night.” The words rushed out of her now. She was over the shy hesitation of a few seconds earlier.
“Oh dear sweet Kait, you must be so tired, you should have woken me. Take a nap maybe?”
“No, I’m fine, let’s just have an early night.”
“As you wish Kait, but Kait, it was beautiful and I’m here and you’re here and we’re together and we’ll be fine.”
“Will we do it again?”
“If you want to we will, do you want to?”
She put her face back to my chest, she couldn’t look at me as she said “yes, you know I do, I want all of it.”
“Then you shall have it all.”
She looked back at me “But Ben, you have to be with me, I need you with me for it all or I don’t want any of it, you make me safe.”
I realized she’d probably been contemplating this conversation since last night had happened. Since Chris had fucked her she’d been thinking about the ‘what happens next’ question. She was finger fucking herself in the night as she relived it all. As I was sleeping like a log long after she’d risen, she was probably worried sick about how this would work out. For the first time in my life I became surprised by my own sensitivity to a lover’s feelings. Sure I’d sometimes been sensitive but never this sensitive. It dawned on me again, more brightly than before, I’d never wanted to be with anybody like I wanted to be with Kaitlin.
I smiled at her now “Kait, are you telling me that you want the hooded stranger? The girls in the magazine? Chris the runner?”
Her turn to smile “yes, and all at the same time but most of all…. I want you.”
I smiled at her as I held her more tightly to me “Then you’ll have it all Kait, we’ll have it all, I want it too Kait.”
“I hoped you would. I kind of knew you would too I guess.”
“You’re very perceptive Kait. Where do we begin?” I knew it was okay to smile again.
“You’ll have to decide, I want to be….” she trailed off and looked away again.
“Say it Kait, it’s okay, you can say it, whatever it is.”
She looked back at me before she spoke slowly and quietly “I want to be…. slutty.”
My lips creased “you want to be slutty? Does that mean you want to be a slut?”
“Yes, it does, it just sounds different, or feels different but yes, that’s what I want to be.” It was her turn to hug me more tightly. Seeking approval.