An end and a new beginning.
Having met and fallen in love earlier in 1986, Jo and Pat enjoyed a blissful summer in London.
They had given each other their virginity and had discovered the joys of sex over the months. Jo was staying with her aunt, a nun, and was subject to strict household rules. She had no choice but to adhere as she was on work experience which was due to end in August.
As creative as they were, Jo and Pat worked around the restrictions and met regularly at Pat's place where they explored each other's bodies. Pat was totally and completely in love, but he knew that Jo would have to finish her Bachelor of Administration as he had done. They would have to work out the details of how they would keep this amazing relationship alive at such a long distance from each other. His salary wasn't enough to cover lots of trips across Ireland. Air fares were expensive, and the travel time was long from the nearest airport to the college on the west coast.
It was with some trepidation that he looked at the date of Jo's return on the calendar.
But the date was looming on the horizon and it troubled Jo that she could not decide what it was that she wanted to do.
She made a decision, one which she would regret for many years. In Jo's mind, long-distance relationships would be very difficult to maintain. In 1986 the communication possibilities were landline or letter-post. Seeing that Jo's parents didn't approve of their relationship, the landline would be out of the question.
As much as she loved Pat, she decided that the best thing to do was to make a clean break and not to ask him to wait for her.
To that end she made a plan to avoid any discussion.
The week before the last day of her stay in London, she informed her aunt that she would be staying the night with her girlfriend from work. The telephone number was known and her aunt agreed that Jo could go. (The telephone was in Pat's apartment and his roommate's girlfriend would answer the call. A ruse they had used several times.)
Jo was determined to make it a fantastic night for Pat and dressed herself in a wraparound dress with thigh-high hold up stockings underneath. Pat had confessed to her in the past that he found this really sexy.
They arrived at Pat's place and went straight to the bedroom to spend hours making passionate love to each other. As always it was amazing and Jo, despite her sorrow, put her heart and soul into it.
Lying together in the bed,
Pat said, "You know we need to talk about when you go back home Jo. I am going to miss you so much. I can't imagine what it will be like to have to be without you."
"Yes, my love." Jo replied, "But not now. Let's just enjoy this moment."
She kissed him passionately on the lips and said. "Hold me Pat. I want to fall asleep in your arms."
Pat turned to her and embraced her, kissing her forehead and said. "You're beautiful Jo, I love you."
Jo looked him in the eyes and replied. " And I love you Pat."
She turned her back to him and they spooned. Tears of sorrow ran down her cheeks.
Next morning, Pat had to start early. They overslept and, in his rush, he kissed Jo and said, "You're still beautiful Jo."
She smiled and blew him a kiss from the bed. She had told Pat that she would start work later in the day and would not travel with him into town.
When Pat returned home that day he found a letter on the pillow, with his name written in Jo's handwriting. The apartment felt cold, and he had a premonition that he knew what was in the letter.
He sat heavy-heartedly on the bed and read.
"Dearest Pat,
I write this with the heaviest of hearts.
Last night was as always fantastic and I shall miss our adventures together as I return home.
We have learned so much from each other these past months and I have come to love and respect your honesty, your wit, and your wisdom. But I have loved you for you and what you do to me.
This makes the next piece especially hard as I know that your heart will break as mine is now broken when I tell you that I think it is for the best if we finish the relationship here and now.
I have thought about the ways we could keep our love going through the next year or years, but I cannot imagine that we will be able to do so. Especially seeing the distance and impossibility of staying in touch every day.
I cannot justify giving up what I have worked for at college and I feel I owe it to myself to finish the job. You have told me so many times.
I don't know what will happen when I graduate, but I feel that it would be unfair to ask you to put your life on hold for me, not knowing if we would see each other again or even if we would still feel the same way for each other.
I must confess that I lied to you today for the first time when I said I would be working later. I will have already landed in Dublin by the time you read this letter.
I hope you can forgive me for the lie, and that in time you can forgive me for not saying goodbye to you in person. I am not sure that I could as the pain is so huge.
So goodbye Pat McCann, my beautiful talented man. I have loved every minute of our time together and I have loved and still do love you with all my heart. I will always keep a special place in my heart for you.
Who knows? Maybe our paths will cross again in the future.
You're beautiful Pat. I love you.
Your Jo. XXX
P.S. I beg you not to search for me or to come and visit me (at least until I have graduated). I fear that the pain of having to leave you once more would break my heart and yours again.
Pat's world crumbled as he read the letter. Heartbroken, he went to the local pub and drank himself into a stupor. Crawling up the stairs to his apartment to be helped by his friend Seanie who stayed with him throughout the night. Seanie called Pat's work to say he was sick and stayed with him for a few days until he was sure that Pat would not harm himself.
Pat needed to return to work, and did so a few days later. But he stumbled through the days, lost in his thoughts of what might have been.
He hated being at work in the very place where he had met his beautiful Jo for the first time and requested to be put onto the night shift so that he could be alone with his thoughts.
There was no rancor. What Jo had written was right. It was just incredibly unfair and painful. Always the gentleman, Pat respected Jo's wish not to search for her until after her graduation, but she seemed to have disappeared.
After two years of night shifts, Pat decided that a change would maybe help him and applied and was accepted as duty manager in another hotel on the other side of town. He moved house and within months had lost contact with his friend Seanie.
They saw each other every now and then, but Pat couldn't stand the pity he saw in Seanie's eyes.
Epilogue
Thirty-two years later, 2018.
Pat is in Limerick to visit family and is now 54 years old. Many, many, things have changed. Lovers passed through his life until he fell for an amazing Dutch girl.
Together they have built a life, a family and a business. They have suffered terrible loss when their second child died in an accident, and great joy when they have been rewarded with two more. Some years earlier, Pat's wife was in a bad car accident and ended up disabled and in a wheelchair.
Although he loves her, he cannot contemplate being intimate with her. Her broken body repulses him.
Pat feels trapped in a hopeless situation. His sense of duty and his love of his wife prevents him from leaving her, or from cheating on her. He is a very lonely soul, though he covers it well with a wicked sense of humour. He misses the intimate contact and the uncompromising love he was so lucky to have had.
But he has never forgotten his first love, Jo, and often tried to find out about her, through social media.
His wife has stayed home this time and is being cared for by the home help they have employed, so Pat is alone on his travels.
