I stared at her laying in the casket at the front of the church for a last viewing. I made no effort to hide my grief, the lines of tears streaking down my face. I refused to wipe them dry. Andre, sitting on the front pew, stood and walked to my side, putting his right hand on my left shoulder.
"Hope was a good lady, Andre." I said lowly. "She kept me going the last couple of years. I dropped out of the choir for a while, thinking it would help my health, but she knew better. There will never be another one like her. I'm sorry for your lost." I thought. 'What do you know about lost!'
His hand patted my shoulder and I heard his sniffling. He had better control than I did. Hope was the second wife he had lost to death. He sat back down and I turned to walk to the back of the church to join my wife.
"I'm sorry, honey." She said, patting my leg before taking my hand and squeezing it warmly.
"We all die. I never expected she would this soon and I certainly want to go before you do." I returned.
"Don't listen to him, Jesus!" My wife's sighed, lifting her face.
Hope and I had renewed our clandestine, sexual relationship, meeting every 4 to 6 weeks at some hotel or motel, sticking to a formula I figured to be safe... a two-hour drive from our homes. It had lasted 4 months.
Then, as I had prophesied would happen, Andre began making comments concerning Hope and I, probing Hope concerning missed work days. My wife added to our distress by making her own, not so subtle, comments,
"I don't know what to say to him." Hope had desperately related to me along with a list of his inquiries.
"Hope, for near 25 years we have run the gamut of feelings towards each other. When I knew you many years ago, I thought you were scatterbrained, high-strung, with a quick temper. You thought I was a real pain in the ass. Butted heads constantly." I explained, making her chuckle. "Do exactly what I did... admit your fondness for me... everyone knows that. Then tell hm he's imagining things, but that you will go out of your way to even stop smiling at me if that's what he wishes. It seemed to calm her down. You have even told me I've been acting strange! My wife is not so subtle! And you know we have to stop seeing each other again... for a while anyway...maybe for good."
"I hope it works. He is really quite upset!" She said sadly. "Dammit to hell. I love you sooooo... I mean what we have."
"I love you too, Hope." I told her. "We are both married and I am too damn old. We have obligations that we cannot walk away from. I don't think you want to walk away from everything."
"Of course not." She admitted. "Lord, if your wife confronted me, I would just die."
Again, we had ceased our sexual madness, but it only enhanced our two-day-a-week mutual admiration of each other. Whenever she wore a new dress, got a new hair cut, anything I could compliment her on, I did so, while keeping a low profile when we were in a group. We hugged when possible and often touched each other affectionately on the back or shoulder when passing in the hall of the church. Things settled down once more.
Hope began to lose weight. When I found it possible, I asked if her weight loss was health-related or her own pursuit. I knew she was living on 65% of her lung power.
She had assured me it was not health-related, but it worried me. Needless to say, the girl looked really good, though I missed her big ass and hips swaying when she directed a snazzy song.
One Sunday I was walking down the three steps to my classroom. The early service, held in a smaller, but large, room near the classrooms was just breaking up. I spied Hope with her back to me, sporting a new haircut, a long silky skirt that was black with gray overlay of flowers or something and matching black, silky like blouse. My eyes were drawn to her now quite slim butt and the way the silky material of the skirt hugged her curves, showing a most delectable crevice that was the beginning of her butt crack.
I lingered at my door hoping that she would finish her conversation and turn around. I gave up and started to enter the room when I heard my name and greeting. Hope had turned. I asked her had she enjoyed her down time during spring break and she had replied that she had not had any down time. She stopped a few paces from me to talk to someone else. My class teacher was leading the congregation that day and I could see her by her glances that she, the music director, wanted to talk to him, as I was doing at the moment. Someone interrupted us.