If It Ain't One Thing

{I am still writing this tale as it happens, and life being the way it is, I can't speed things up. Hell, at my age, if I wait until it's all over I will be dead and forgotten. Plus this is REAL fucking life, if I had my way it would be completely different.

It's more like a diary than a story, so if that isn't your thing, there are lots of naughty stories posted here.

What would be different?

Debra, now my ex, would be HERE, not in Boston. I would be wandering down to the jetty to catch some fish, stopping at the café to swap lies with the commercial guys, maybe stopping by to visit with my sort of daughter Sandi, basically just living each day.

Nope. Worrying about everything, like every mole and bump on my skin, since I went through one scary period there with skin Cancer. Right after that was dealt with, my wife took off, no idea why then and don't get it now. Kind of pissed off about that, to be blunt. She inherited her Mother's estate, and for a reason I don't understand that became more important than her job as a Physician, her life here, and.. me.

She wanted me to move to Boston with her, and no way in hell is that going to happen.

So, here I am, now honest to God 76 years old, surrounded by options. What "options?" Think available old guy, suddenly has some money, still in shape and yep, THAT still works just fine, thank you. In a town that appears to be FULL of white haired widows.

White haired widows that show up at my door bearing pies. Or pop by at 10 in the morning, dressed nice with makeup on, hair dyed, to.. "visit."

What in the Hell do YOU think life is like?

Anyway, here is what is going on.}

+++

Being a bit pissed off at Debra, her wanting me to move to Boston and no way on God's green Earth is THAT going to happen had me feeling crabby.

I had cleverly sent her divorce papers, that would scare the shit out of her, by golly. No way in hell would she want that.

She signed the fucking things and sent them right back, along with a note that she would prefer I move there and be with her, but she didn't want to stand in my way.

Took me by surprise, that.

I had flown back there to see her, (A surprise since I didn't tell her I was coming) figuring that knowing her she was getting it from somebody, turned out she wasn't but was getting close to it. We were in the sack in probably less than 45 minutes of me walking in the door.

Debra is one busy woman in bed, she loves sex and she just goes for it, no kidding around. I stepped in to use the john, came out and she was naked on the couch waiting for me.

OK, so I didn't tell her about Millie, one of the ladies hanging around. Yes, one thing led to another and she more or less let me have sex with her. I say "let" because compared to Debra, I might as well have been playing with myself. In fact, that one time is why I was on a plane to Boston, there just is no substitute. Vanilla sex doesn't do it for me.

My next clever trick was to up my demands, Debra inherited a lot of stuff from her Mom, so I demanded $100K a year in the divorce. No way in hell would she go for that.

She did.

I talked to a lawyer about upping my demands even more, he told me she accepted my offer and I was pretty much stuck with it since being unreasonable tends to backfire in front of a judge.. So, to hell with it, I went back to going to the gym, going to the café, doing my usual stuff, and trying to avoid Millie.

Sex with Millie was just the one time, and I was not up to any more of that, at least not at the moment.

Running into Kate at the gym was great, (Kate is the cute little redheaded nurse in training that lived with us for awhile when she was in school) she was sorry for Debra and I breaking up of course but then she suggested moving back in with me. Our deal was, she would do the shopping, which if there is any way possible to get out of that, I will take it.

Plus, she would do the housework, assuming she can find any to do, I am pretty good at that part myself. Same with cooking, Kate and I both cook very well, I like doing that, creating stuff and so does she. That way, she can use her money for school, I will have company in the evenings, and a nice looking in her late 20's redhead around as eye candy.

Now I suppose any readers will think all sorts of hanky panky would be going on, after all, when Kate was living here while I was all fucked up from a couple of accidents, she did have her hands on my dick. Just "washing" me stuff, since after all, she is studying to be a Nurse.

Use your imagination here, an old man, both hands in casts, getting a bath from a cute nurse, things come up and she giggles and plays a little bit. OK, so she did a few happy endings, no big deal, not in the lifestyle of Debra and I.

But Kate now living with me? The relationship is just not that way, she has her bedroom and I have mine, our ages are way too far apart for anything like that. Kate is also very relaxed, I guess that is the word. So, she thinks nothing of watching TV with me in just a nightie, or coming out of the shower in just a towel.

Like I said, eye candy. I know she knows I like that, so she sometimes teases me a little bit. Kind of obvious, and I suspect she does that because it's a free place to live, just the way real life is and I know that and I don't care.

And there is Millie, doing everything in her power to make our single one evening thing into some big deal, there is Marilyn, a nice looking older lady that comes by with pies. Well, she was anyway, until Kate met her at the door in just a T-shirt, no more pies so far as I write this.

Marilyn sort of sniffed a little bit, acted upset and left.

Good pie, though.

Add in Charlene, who does my waxing maintenance and is very friendly afterwards, who I happen to be reasonably certain if I asked her nicely would be in my bed in a heartbeat.

Yeah, I know. No one believes that a 76 year old coot, white hair, has three ladies showing interest and one young redhead living with him.

Not normal, but think a moment. In shape older guy, owns his home, has a new Dodge Ram, a 2017 Camaro that the housemate gets to use whenever she wants to, obviously some cash in his pocket and a screwball sense of humor, that actually treats females nicely?

White haired 60 something single females see THAT as opportunity. Just a fact. Even a few of the 50 somethings. Then there is Sally, she runs this hot dog cart, those are the ones Debra ragged on me for eating but Debra ain't here so I grab one now and then. Sally wears a T-shirt and jeans, no bra, no tits either, just two little nipple bumps. It suddenly became clear that she likes me, man does the news get around in a small town or what? Nothing from her when Debra was here, now? Well, like I said, she suddenly seems to like me.

But I haven't done anything about that.. yet.

Then Kate brought home some goofy looking guy, long stringy hair, we visited if that is what it was, while he managed to down my entire six pack of beer in the 90 minutes he was in my living room? Kate would be better off finding her own white haired old coot, I made a mental note to have a chat with her about things. Six beers did not appear to even faze the guy.

I ended up staying awake until he dropped Kate off around 1 in the morning. Kate saw me and grinned, she knew I was worried. I asked her how it went. She said that all the guy wanted to do was drink and paw at her. I told her she deserved way better, she smiled and nodded, then went to bed.

+++

Sandi, my sort of daughter, (I say that because I found her some years back hiding under the bottom shelf in our bathroom closet, and Debra and I just kept her. Story about that posted here somewhere, too.) came by to visit the next day.

Seems she had a lady she knew that she wanted me to meet.

**Sigh**

Just what I needed, right? Another white haired little old lady looking for someone to take care of them. But I stayed polite, and agreed to go over to their house for dinner. Sandi is married to our County Sheriff named Hal. The first election he won by the skin of his teeth, the second one he won by a landslide, 84% of the vote. Hal is a damned good no nonsense Sheriff, if somebody fucks with anybody in our community, Hal heads out and fucks with them right back, and he is a tad bigger than me. At 265 pounds, he is a tad bigger than nearly everyone.

Which is how I met Linda Greenwald. Only 49 years old, very pretty, very pleasant, divorced with two grown kids, both girls. I found myself interested, so I took her out to dinner at the steak place downtown.

I found myself unloading, you guys know what I mean when there is turmoil running around in your head. I had just gotten the check from Debra, $8,333.33 along with a note. The note told me that the apartment was almost finished, that her friend William had told her that since she was still in love with me, he was out of the picture.

"Still in love with me" she wrote, and signed off with asking me to please think about moving to Boston.

That all set me off again, my mood was not the best when I picked up Linda, and I had a couple of drinks to try and reset. Not used to that, I think I yapped my fool head off.

Linda listened dutifully, she showed no sign of being upset or bored. We even danced some, she felt good and smelled good and I was thinking along the lines of being ready to perhaps do a little seducing.

"You seem like a very nice man, but you also seem to have some baggage that you need to sort out, Danny." Linda told me when I asked her if she would like to come over to my place. She was nice about it, but it did make me think as I drove back to my house. I have been rejected a few times before in my life, but I still don't like it. It was clear any relationship with Linda was going nowhere.

It was almost midnight, Kate was sitting in the living room watching CNN (We don't even think of talking politics in this house, me being a right wing conservative and the whole damn community here a bunch of left wing loonies.. she knows and shut the TV off, though) when I came in, a pajama top on that barely covered her behind. I realized I was on the horny side, I had been thinking of having sex with Linda, now here was Kate right in front of me, most of her bare ass hanging out. Kate is uninhibited, I have seen her in various states of undress many times, so she is used to it and pays no attention. It popped right into my silly old head that.. maybe??

But, I managed to control myself, and went into my bedroom and took care of things myself. I know, not very sexy, is it? But that is what happened.

+++

Four weeks went by, no call from Debra. I much have reached for the phone 100 times. A letter arrived, the second check, and a note. The apartment building was full, it was Fall and students everywhere. She had another auction, that one didn't go as well as the first one but it was OK. She went out to dinner with some friends, she didn't mention who. That ended with her telling me she loved me, and she wanted me to reconsider. No mention of boy friends, dating, her note was brief and just what was going on stuff. Plus the last line about still loving me. I stuck the note in a drawer, took the check to the bank.

I had gotten the statement a couple of days before, saw they were paying me $0.10% interest, so I decided to talk to someone about investing. I see what the stock market is doing every morning when I turn on my PC, near as I can tell the banks are getting over like fat rats.

So, I called a local broker, made an appointment.

+++

I used Google to check on local area brokers, a bunch of them mentioned various things like being discount brokers, which I figured out would be cheapest if I knew what the hell I was doing but I also know I don't, so I picked the one that seemed to have about as many offices as there are Starbucks.

Yeah, that Jones outfit.

The guy I talked to set me up to meet with his office partner, a woman named Sherry Jones. I found that strange, a woman named Jones working for an outfit named Jones. She was attractive, looked to be 50 or so, and businesslike, pleasant.

I told her what I had for assets to invest, it was getting to be a fairly large amount since Debra had sent two very large checks early on and now was sending that bit over eight grand a month. (new concept in today's world, women with assets get to pay us men for a change).

"It says here that you are 76? That is amazing, you could pass for being in your 50's" She told me. It popped right into my head that no way in hell can I pass for being in my 50's but what the heck, I like compliments.

Probably buttering me up for the list of stocks she suggested, I put some money in an insurance company, some gas stocks, and food suppliers. They all paid dividends, way better than certificates, so I went for it.

The surprise for me was those all did real well, I was pleased. For a couple of months, anyway.

But today is the first of March, a Sunday, and you folks all have read the news by now. Yeah, Corona Virus, everyone is going to die right after losing all of their money in the stock market. I looked, saw that I had lost all of the gains and about 10% of the initial investment, that has been my luck with stocks all of my life.

But that wasn't the worst part.

It seems that it is now dangerous to go out anywhere, no more shaking hands, stay away from new people, so here I am stuck at home. Kate, even being short of finishing her education is a nurse, so of course she is now on 12 hour shifts, six days.

No interesting women have knocked on my door for a couple of weeks, in fact, no one has.

Kate got home last night, found me sound asleep in my chair in front of the TV, "Forensic Files" droning away. That show is almost as good of a sleep aide as "Ancient Aliens" but that wasn't on so..?

Anyway, she plopped down, exhausted, complaining her back and shoulders hurt. So, I went over and began to rub her shoulders, she leaned forward gratefully. Next thing I know she reached back and tugged her smock over her head, no big deal there since I have seen her with nothing but panties on many times.

I was working her back, she was sighing, then she wanted to stretch out on the couch so I could reach the rest of her. So, there I was, on my knees, massaging a topless young woman and she was enjoying the hell out of it.

Suddenly she sat up, looked at me.

"Danny, will you? You know, do me? With your hands?" She asked.

"I am so horny I could scream!" She added.

So I did. Just think, 76 year old me, masturbating my young roommate, and she was correct in that she was ready. The first one hit her in 60 seconds and she managed at least three more.

Then I leaned forward to lick her, Kate's eyes got big for a second, then she closed them and relaxed. Finally, she was done, I guess we both were. We lay there for a long time, anyway. Then she got up, completely naked, and held out her hand.

She led me into her bedroom, I probably should have stopped that right then, but I didn't. With over 4 decades difference in our ages, I knew very well it was going nowhere, and in fact would just be one of those in the moment things.

+++

I will just finish this up, a few of you emailed asking why I have not added more stories.

When the news came, it was a shock. Debra was in the hospital, this was not quite two months ago. I flew back as fast as I could make arrangements to get there, by then I could not even go in to visit. Debra passed away the day after I arrived.

Now I thought the reason she left was because she was ill and did not want to burden me with it all but I was wrong. She became ill in Boston, she tested positive just a few days before the put her on the ventilator. It turned out that one or both of the guys she had working on her building were also COVID-19 positive, but no real symptoms.

And I was messing around with a young lady while my wife (I guess ex-wife) was dying.

So, my story is done, except??

I tested positive also, the crew was working when I arrived and they let me in.

But, no symptoms in my case, I am one of the lucky ones. This is all there is, there is no more. To those who enjoyed some of my tales, thanks, to the rest, I just don't care.

One last aside? Debra's building, properties, assets?

Nope. Divorced...Nothing my way and the monthly checks ended also. Do I understand any of it, any of what happened in the last months of our relationship?

Nope.

I don't.