Emily awoke to the stillness of pre-dawn. She turned her face to the window and noticed the gray light stealing in through the window. Sighing deeply, she tried to keep still and not wake Ralph. Not yet. This was her time and she cherished it. Ralph's snoring cut through to her and she smiled slightly. How many mornings had she quibbled with him over that? And when had it no longer bothered her? In fact, when had she learned to fall asleep to it?
She pulled the sheet up to her chin and gently rolled over onto her side. Ralph's back was facing her, his shoulder blades expanding and falling with each ragged breath he took. She looked at the flesh on his back – when had it taken on that weathered look? She didn't remember that before.
She looked up onto the top of the dresser and her eyes absorbed the large photograph that had stood there for years. Emily's gaze softened as she took in the photograph that marked their wedding. That was 35 years ago today. She looked at the young girl, only 19 years old, the white dress her mother had worn altered to fit her slim frame, and clutching at the arm of the man beside her. Ralph. Only 21 then, he had opted to wear his Marine uniform instead of the traditional tux. He had just finished college that spring of 1968 and had taken up his duty to serve his country in Viet Nam. Emily had been terrified, afraid of losing the only man she ever knew she would love. The night he told her he was enlisting was the night he placed the ring on her finger and asked her to be his wife.
The wedding had been a hurried affair. Her mother's wedding dress dragged down from the attic and quickly altered. Flowers gathered from her mother's garden. A cake baked by a neighbor who had a knack for such things. But Emily hadn't cared. She had her Ralph – tall with dark hair and shining blue eyes. Emily looked at the picture she must have seen a thousand times, looked at her reflection staring back. A mere slip of a girl she had been then with her soft golden curls and hazel eyes. A girl no one would have suspected as having any strength of character. They would all be surprised.
They had married on a fine day in June. Their honeymoon has consisted of three days and nights at a motel on the outskirts of town. Their wedding night was still clearly embedded in Emily's mind. She had married Ralph a virgin. Although she was eager to truly be his wife physically as well as emotionally and legally, she had been afraid. Late night whispered conversations amongst her girlfriends had told her there would be pain and blood. Her own mother's conversation the night before her wedding had only confirmed her fears: Emily would need to fulfill her duty as wife, no matter how distasteful she found it.
Yet, when Ralph had tenderly removed her dress and held her against him, his words were a gentle caress against her ear. He told her he knew the first time might be uncomfortable for her, yet he loved her and truly wanted not to hurt her. He wanted to love her. And love her he did. He was tender and gentle and patient with Emily. He proceeded cautiously, while at the same time seemed to know exactly what her body wanted. When he finally entered her, Emily felt a sharp sting of pain and was suddenly afraid that all that her girlfriends had spoke of was true. But Ralph had shown restraint, lying still and kissing her. He smoothed her hair back and caressed her body until she once again felt the stirrings of passion blaze. When he continued to move within her the discomfort quickly faded until all she felt was the pleasure of her husband. She hadn't known what it was at the time, but that night she experienced her first orgasm.
She had awakened the next morning stiff and sore. Ralph was gentle with her, afraid of hurting her, but Emily could only think that her time with her new husband was so short and she didn't want to waste one minute of it. She and Ralph had explored every inch of each other's body, and Ralph had seemed very pleased with his new wife's curiosity. Emily was, quite simply, madly in love.
Ralph had secured a two room flat for Emily just before he was due to leave. He was concerned, but told her knowing he went to Nam with her ring on his finger would give him comfort.
Emily tried not to cry that day when he went away. She remembered it clearly, standing with Ralph's parents, everyone trying to be brave. She had almost made it – almost. The tears came just as he turned to leave. He rushed back and held her to him, his soft words in her ears.
"I'll be back, Emy. You'll see. I have a wife now. I have responsibility. I'll never let you down, never. Write me, Emy. Remember, you are my rock."
With a quick squeeze he was gone, and her mother-in-law was stroking her hair and murmuring to her.
Despite the wishes of both sets of parents, Emily stubbornly kept the two room flat. She managed to find a job as a secretary, and spent her evenings watching the horror that was war fill the evening news before writing to Ralph. His letters came to her sometimes joyful, sometimes not. She looked forward to them all.
The day she learned she was pregnant with Ralph Jr. was one of the happiest she had ever known. As she wrote to Ralph of the news, her hand shook and tears of joy streamed down her cheeks. She missed him, and knew he wouldn't be there for the birth of their baby, but she knew Ralph would be overjoyed. And he was. He had told Emily the baby gave him hope in a jungle that was hopeless. Looking forward to a new life beginning while watching lives around him being taken gave him a renewed understanding for life.
When Emily delivered Ralph Jr., the grandparents insisted she move in with them. She needed help. She should not be alone. Yet, she knew Ralph would want her to be strong. Those first few months were hard, yes. A baby demanding her time, a husband at war, a job to handle. Somewhere from deep inside the 20 year old girl became a woman of determination and strength. She was no longer afraid. She knew her Ralph would once again stand by her side.
And he did. The day he arrived back home in 1970 had been a day she would not forget. Her handsome young husband had come back a tired veteran, aged by what he had seen and done. Yet, those blue eyes flashed once again at the sight of his son. And the first time her husband held her son was a moment forever captured in her heart.
Ralph and Emily had picked up their lives. He never spoke of Viet Nam to her, and she eventually stopped asking. She overhead his conversations with his buddies and decided she was better off not knowing. She knew visions haunted him. His demons were his own and she learned to allow him to face them.
They had left behind the two room flat shortly after Ralph found a job. The baby was getting bigger and they really needed the room. Not that the new apartment was all that much bigger, but it seemed a palace at the time. Emily thought she would never be happier taking care of the baby and looking after Ralph. Oh they had their fights and disagreements. A number of times Emily wondered if they might not be better off without each other. And then she would remember her vows on her wedding day and look into her son's eyes, and she knew she would never leave.
Soon after Ralph started his job, Emily had a baby girl. They searched out a house, and before long another girl was born into their family. The years stretched out, marked only by the events in their children's lives. All seemed hectic and chaotic, and it seemed Ralph and Emily had very little time for one another. And yet, like a gold thread weaved into a piece of cloth, their love remained.
Then, one day, they were suddenly alone together. The children, now adults, had married or gone off on their own. Before they knew it, they were presented with first one, then two, grandchildren. Emily delighted in having babies to take care of, but was suddenly confronted with the idea of being a grandmother. How had that happened? Her little boy was a man, with a wife and two children. Soon her daughters followed their brother, and even more babies filled Emily's life.
Yet, when she looked at Ralph, he seemed a stranger.
The bed shifted and Emily watched as Ralph turned over and faced her. He still slept and she looked at him. He was still the same man she had married, yes. The skin that had been smooth on his face was now rough and weathered. Lines were beginning to sink into the creases of his eyes and around his lips. The dark hair was now more grey than black. His hands were rough from time spent fixing up the house and working in the yard. The stomach that had been rock hard when she married him was now paunchy. She looked down at the hairs on his chest and noticed the grey hairs mixed in with the dark ones there. When had that happened?
She looked at the photograph once again. Well, the slight girl in the picture no longer existed either, did she? Perhaps she did, but certainly life had taken its toll on her as well. She knew her hair was now tinted reddish blonde to hide the grey, and the first wrinkles were beginning to form a map across her face. And she knew from her dress size that she no longer had the slim shape she once did. She glanced over at the closet and saw the dress hanging from the top of the door. Many sizes larger than her wedding dress had been it would be the dress she wore this evening.
A smile crept across her lips. Yes, this evening. The children had put together an anniversary party for her and Ralph. Their friends and family would be there. Some of Ralph's Marine buddies had promised to show up. The kids had even hired a DJ.
But what did all this mean, this marriage stuff? Yes, they had managed to beat the odds many of their friends hadn't. They had stuck with it. They had endured. Through good and bad, through thick and thin, they were still together. She knew she was still Ralph's rock, even if he didn't say it anymore. He was the source of her strength and determination. She looked again at the man sleeping beside her. The early rays of sunlight were peeking through the window and just touching his face. Suddenly, the love for this man welled deep within her. No, their marriage had not been about simple survival. She loved him. She loved him more than she did on her wedding day. More than when she and Ralph Jr. had met him when he came home from the war. More than at any time in her life, she loved this man.
When was the last time they had made love? She remembered a time when neither could get enough of the other. She remembered the arguments they'd had when the physical need decreased over time due to daily life. But when had it faded? Or had it? Did it have to?
Feeling a bit self-conscious, Emily reached out and gently stroked Ralph's cheek. She felt the bristles of his beard, but didn't care. He sighed and nestled his face deeper into the pillow. Emily slowly eased her way from the bed and slipped the old nightgown from her body. When was the last time she had walked around the house naked? Or for that matter, in their own bedroom? Her heart was thudding wildly in her chest and she suddenly felt as nervous as she had on her wedding night.
Emily felt invigorated. She felt almost every nerve come alive. She felt sexy and alive and in love. And she wanted this to last. She wanted what she and Ralph had 35 years ago. Today was the beginning!
She walked to the side of the bed where Ralph slept and pulled back the covers. She almost giggled in her excitement. As her husband's body came into sight, with all of its imperfections, she found she no longer noticed. He was still her dashing Marine. He was still the tender man who held their infant son. He was still her strength.
