I didn't know what to expect. All I know is that he looked like he was going to hurt me. With his weight holding me down and my wrist trapped in his large hands I was powerless. During the struggle my shirt got scrunched up just below my 38D breast. I closed my eyes willing him to be gone. Willing this to only be a dream. When I felt his hand rubbing across my belly I knew this was no dream. He trailed lightly from my bra to the top of my pants. Stopping at my pants he leaned back and undid my button and zipper. I squeezed my legs closed tighter. Smack! Don't do that, he said. I started to fight, twisting and turning. Trying to get out of his grip. I brought my knees up to throw him off balance, it worked. He went head over heels off the bed. I jumped up and made just out the door when he caught me .
He yanked me back into the room and on the bed. With no air in my lungs I just laid there while he ripped my clothes off me. I laid there in my naked glory. Normally I would love the look on his face but not this time. That's when he saw them. I tried to cover myself but he slapped my hands away. Waiting for the look of horror to cross his face, I cringed. I have nasty, angry scars all over my breast down to my tights. He let me go and I rolled over to hide. He just looked at me. I just laid there crying and telling him to go away. He didn't go but laid down to hold me while I cried. Exhausted I drifted off and slept while he held me for the rest of the night.
I awoke the next morning with him wrapped around me. I just laid there thinking. I had so many questions. Theres the "why" question. Why me? Why didn't he just rape me and get it over with? Why me? Why is he trying to torture me? And the biggest question, why did he want me so bad? Why did he stop last night? Did he find me repulsive after he saw me? All this crying and thinking gave me a headache. Plus I had to pee.
When I finally got up, I found some clean clothes and went to take a shower. I know hes awake and watching me to see if I would run. I'm tired of running. That's all I did for the past three years. This time I don't care what happens. I would sell my soul just to make him go away. If sex is what he wants he can have it. I'm just to tired to care if I lived or died this time. I hopped in the shower and let the hot water melt the tension away. As I was washing he came in to relieve himself. Neither on of us said a word. I came out fully dressed to find breakfast laid out on the dresser. I sat down to eat as he got up to take his shower. He turned to say something, looked at me then went to take his shower. There was an unspoken truce between us. As I sat there eating I wondered what was on his mind. What was he thinking and why didn't he just leave?
I was startled when his hand pulled me back against him. I never noticed that he was out of the shower dressed, only in his pants, and sitting behind me on the bed. I tried to pull away but he only pulled me tighter against him.
"Why did you run?"
"I didn't want to die"
"I told you that I wouldn't hurt you"
"I've heard that one before"
"Not from me and I mean it. What happened to you to make you so afraid of me? I have never raised my voice to you and always treated you with respect."
"Respect, is that what you called it at work by my car or when you broke into my house trying to force yourself on me. I told you I will never have sex with you. Why don't you just go home and leave me alone."
"I just wanted to scare you not hurt you. If I wanted to hurt you I would have done it the first time I followed you home three years ago."