So here we are. The minibus pulled up into the large nightclub car park and all fourteen of us pile out slightly over excitedly into the car park after already stopping off at another pub on the way for a few beers. As I thank the driver and confirm what time he is picking us up, we are interrupted as Bill jumps onto Big Graham and demands a piggy back as the filthy car park surface will make his shoes muddy.
Everyone laughs. We all cheer Bill as he hangs on, but secretly hoping they both tumble over onto the muddy car park. Sadly Graham spins Bill around and successfully unseats him in seconds.
I was 49 and reluctantly out on a Saturday night with a bunch of young guys from the fire station where we all worked. It was a stag do, in fact it was a pretty low key affair compared with what seems to be the norm nowadays. It was in a local club as the groom to be didn't want a big do. I was grateful that I only had to put up with one night of drunken antics, rather than a weekend of it in Budapest or Amsterdam or some other city 100s of miles from my comfy bed.
I haven't always ben a dull bastard, but my wife had died 23 months ago after a long battle with breast cancer. I was getting used to living alone, but I was struggling to get used to not having Helen in my life. She was bloody amazing. We were together for 28 years. The first few months after she died were tough, but it got worse after the one year mark when friends were pressurising me to date and sometimes arranged awkward surprise introductions.
I just wasn't in the mood to go out and smile, let alone date. Frankly, my libido had nose dived as I tried to hide depression whilst consoling my two kids after their mum's death. One thing I had already worked out is you cannot hurry bereavement. It happens at its own pace and I was nothing more than a passive passenger with no control as to when I could get on with my life again.
I questioned whether I was having a bit of a mid life crisis, but I did know that the last thing I needed was an evening watching younger colleagues getting pissed, acting like macho fools and worse, reminding me that my life has moved on. Let's be honest, I am nearing fire service retirement and well passed acting the drunken fool. But I was there out of a sense of duty. One of the guys is getting married so you turn up don't you? In any case, they were a fantastic bunch of guys to work with so I forced myself out.
Immediately after arriving at a LOUD bar, a pack of predatory women came in on the hunt, all much younger than me. Science took over and like north and south poles of a magnet, they were immediately attracted to our table. Within minutes a party is in full swing. The peacocks have their feathers in full bloom and the pea hens are enjoying the show. I am bored but smile an inane smile trying to join in, but I simply don't have the energy. I have already looked at my watch 4 times in the last 8 minutes.
I go to the toilet, more to break the monotony than to empty my bladder. What the hell am I doing here? I didn't want to come, but Kenny the groom-to-be somewhat insisted. Now I am being a miserable fucker, and try as I might, I just cant get my personal gearbox into fun mode.
To stop me looking at my watch, as I wash my hands I take it off and put it in my pocket. Now at least I wont look so miserable. I re-boot the false smile and re-enter the bar. A few of the guys are now teaching the girls pool. Bill is missing and has already taken the older women outside for some fresh air. I grab my drink and see there's a gap at the end of of some long seating which I fill. A very pretty young girl - who looked about 18 years old says Hi and starts talking - shouting - at me over the music.
Lucy was actually 23 and had worked with the girls for exactly one year, and that was enough to trigger a night out. In fact, she tells me, that they invent reasons even resorting to trawling through cheap diaries for excuses. Three weeks ago, they celebrated a public holiday on Easter Island in this very same bar.
The more I chatted to her, the more pretty and damn well sexy she got. It wasn't beer glasses as I was still on my first. Her skin was without blemishes and her eyes were bright as if illuminated by lithium iron batteries. And she was funny, intelligent and incredibly vivacious. I was struggling to hear every word so she got a bit closer. She smelled divine and her legs looked edible and gorgeous as they emerged from her little body-tight mini dress.
She asked if we were celebrating and how did we know each other. I pointed out Kenny who was bent over a rather well endowed girl showing her how to hold a pool cue and said it was his stag do and we were all firefighters. She was surprised by our job, but not necessarily that impressed which I saw as a sign of maturity. She said Jane - the pool cue trainee - would make his last night of freedom an exciting one and, with no punctuation, she asked if I was the boss.
Even when I was about to slip into fantasy land about how I would like this evening to end - namely with my cock deep inside Lucy - she brings me down to earth by recognising I was the oldest guy there by a country mile so had to be the Guv'nor. She was impressed by my role as we chatted about the fire service and what I had seen over the years. All the usual questions that my modest nature always underplays.
She said she needed to go outside to the riverside terrace and would I like to join her. I really don't like cigarette smoke, but found myself admiring this beautiful petite body as I followed on behind. A couple of the guys made lewd remarks - I didn't quite hear them properly but the word 'Grandpa' was part of the sentence.
It turns out Lucy doesn't smoke - "I cannot afford to" she said - but she was also struggling to hear me in the bar and was getting warm, so thought it would be better on the terrace. A tall table and two bar stools became available and we perched on them to carry on the chat. Poor Lucy struggled to get up on the stool as she was only tiny which caused us to laugh. I went to move a overfull ashtray to the next table, only to get a glimpse of her white panties as her dress had slight ridden up as she fought to climb the stool. I was hard.
Kenny came out with two more drinks for us. and I introduced him to Lucy. I think he saw her panties too as his eyes were as big as saucers. I really thought that would be the end end of Lucy and my conversation, but Lucy persuaded him to leave us by saying to him not to leave Jane too long as "I know she really fancies you." He was off in a flash.
"She fancies him? Really?" I said, somewhat naively.
"I have no idea, I haven't talked to her since we arrived, but it got rid of him didn't it?" she said and laughed - such a filthy laugh for such an innocent angelic face.
We chatted some more and she admitted this bar scene wasn't really her, but she feels a bit committed to socialise with her colleagues to be part of the team. She said her mates could be a bit in your face when it came to men. Jane has a husband and 2 kids, but hates her life and just goes out to let her hair - and often her panties - down.
I felt myself blushing at such an open conversation with this sexy young women, but Lucy had more to explain;
Some time ago, Lucy agreed to drive Jane to a night out, who picked up a guy then insisted Lucy lend her car so she could have him in the pub car park. Afterwards the car stank of sex, and Jane had left a few stains that needed wiping over, but worse than that was a few weeks later, Lucy discovered a used and almost full condom in the pouch on the back of the drivers seat which had leaked. Lucy said she had her car tonight and was expecting a request for keys any minute.
"I hate these nights," Lucy told me
" They so often lead to awkward drunk situations, arguments and tears, but in my job, you had to be part of the team to get on."
I replied, "I was thinking before we started chatting I would rather be anywhere but here."
"Do you feel that way now?" She asked.
Awkwardly, I said, "No, I really am enjoying your company."
She laughed and said, "I don't even know your name."
"I wondered when you were going to ask. It's Dave," I said, "but you can call me Dave."
She smiled, "So Dave, how can I say no to Jane if she wants the keys again?"
"Are you hungry? I asked.
"What?"
"Are you hungry - a simple question?"
"A bit, in fact quite a bit."
I was feeling a bit brave. I have no idea what came over me but I had adrenaline pumping through my veins so much I could hear it.
"Why don't we sneak away in your car and grab a bite to eat somewhere. I will behave, no strings I promise," I said, hoping it didnt sound too creepy.
Soon I had gathered my jacket from the back of my seat in the bar telling the guys ' its cold on the terrace'. Meanwhile Lucy had got her handbag before walking through the bar to the loos by the front door. I climbed a small fence by the decking and met her in the car park.
It was so exciting, like skipping a lesson from school although I did have a massive guilty feeling when I met her. She clicked her car keys and the lights on a big Tesla flashed.
"That's yours?"
"Yep, had to ditch the BMW as it was contaminated by Jane's guy's cum."
I was surprised. These were a group of young women on the pull and Lucy had already said she couldn't afford to smoke, but she's drives this expensive car.
