Pulling to a stop on a tree-lined street in front of a conservative house, I could have been in the heart of Anytown , USA. When the dominant female voice of my trusty GPS announced, "You have reached your destination," a tactile sense of realism swept through me. This was no dream. The sun-baked leaves falling steadily on my Accord were all too real. Shutting down the engine, I glanced into my rearview mirror for yet another dose of reality–yep, it was me. Those blue eyes that have served me so admirably throughout the years; they never lied. The same baby blues that have treated me to sights of wonder and plunder, starry-eyed innocence and sordid sinful pleasures, comedies and tragedies too numerous to recall. I hardly needed my reading glasses to make out twin pockets of tiny crows feet at the corners–nature's retribution.
The only saving grace was my eye lids. Once closed, my mind's eye instantly catapulted me back to the impending vision of why I was here in the first place. Digital dots on a CRT arranged just so, had played on my emotions for months and set my ageless libido on fire. Laying my head back against the headrest, I literally bathed in more of that sensual vision. Weathered hands and fingers slid from my neck across the deep red silky expanse of my upper chest. Ten years seem to evaporate. Peaking from under one eye lid, I heaved a sigh at my still deserted surroundings. Like my hands were on autopilot, they slid further down my silk blouse to caress my greatest assets. Tightly bound within the confines of a lacy black pushup; still big, round, and begging for attention, my faithful melons responded with a few slinky bounces. Another 10 years disappeared, as I undid two top buttons from the balcony. Gingerly I fingered my way inside to tweak my nipples. "One must make a good first impression," I determined.
Now to shave off say another five years, I thought. Kicking off my driving flats, I pried on a pair of shiny black patent leather pumps. Convincing myself out of 20 years was one thing, another five years might be a real reach. I reconsidered. Slowly tugging on my black thigh-high hose from the ankles, I smoothed the excess up over my knees. Glancing once again at the deserted street, I hiked up my too-tight black skirt. Simply stated, there's no mind-altering drug strong enough to deal with these damn expanding thighs. Oh well, at least I didn't have to fret over having a b-donk-a-donk butt–still nice and round (perhaps more emphatically round, but reliably functional for normal and extracurricular activities).
Once I unlocked each garter strap, and then reattached them to the adjusted hose, I was nearly out of breath. Thankfully, my intermittent pussy pampering over the final 200 miles (just to keep my fantasies flowing), hadn't taken a huge toll on my matching French-cut satin panties. But maybe a little shot of Ralph wouldn't hurt. Uncapping my handy travel-sized atomizer of Ralph Lauren's Romance, I spritzed a burst between my bare thighs. Spraying an equal mist down my cleavage, I recapped the bottle and reapplied some lipstick. "Okay Girl, you gonna do this thing or not?" That was my final chance to scrap the whole pretentious idea. Taking a long breath, I must have exhaled for a good two minutes.
Suddenly my feet took charge, followed closely by my hand on the door handle. My mind in the same instant turned on me playing devil's advocate. "You should have at least called them first. Most respectable people hate surprises, especially of this variety." A gust of autumn wind greeted me as I opened the car door. Reaching behind the front seat I whipped my dark leather jacket from its hanger. "Don't be a complete and utter fool, these people don't know you from Adam; moreover they most likely don't WANT to know you!" Adjusting to an extra four inches of height; I pulled the jacket on, shoved the keys in my pocket, and took my first steps down the walk leading to their house. "Well at least you left your purse in the car for a quick getaway. Now, what to say? Think of a lie... you're an Avon lady... Fuller Brush person... encyclopedia salesman? I know, tell them your car stalled, that's the ticket!"
Reaching the front door, I did one final shakedown (thank God). Checking my blouse collar, I realized I hadn't buttoned back up. Doing so, I took one last nervous breath of confidence and rang the bell. The following two minutes seemed like hours. I reached to re-ring, when the door swung open. A tall bald man dressed in sweats gave me the once over.
"Hi... I'm... I mean, my CAR is..." my heart sank, as I gestured toward the Accord.
Turning back to meet his eyes my knees nearly buckled.
"Your car; is there trouble with your car?" He asked, but his broad endearing smile stole my complete attention.
"My car, no there's nothing wrong... I mean it's parked okay, isn't it?" Now I was terminally lost in his warm smile.
"Yes, you've parked it very nicely young lady. I might even go as far as saying you did a splendid job of parking your car. Now, what can I do ya for?"
Returning his gracious smile with one of my own, I heard a female voice from inside.
"Can you get that Hon, I'm on the phone?"
"GOT IT!" He returned.
"Who is it?" The voice rang out.
"DON'T KNOW... YET," he barked back, letting his eyes bounce up and down me. "Who should I say..." he started when I interrupted.
"Are you Bill?" I asked, nervously tugging on the hem of my jacket.
He nodded, "And you must be..."
"I'm Barb," I shyly replied, not knowing what to expect.
I could see immediately from his clueless expression, I wasn't registering.
"Who did you say?" Sharon yelled again.
"Says her name is BARB; do we know any Barbs?" He yelled. "Though it seems like we should," he flirted, then fixed his gaze on my feet. "Love your shoes; very sexy."
"Thank you kind sir, but I was hoping for a little more than that," I winked and shrugged my jacket off my shoulders and down to my elbows. Bringing my elbows together to accentuate my tits, I tried to strike a more recognizable pose.
"Ya know, there IS something familiar about you," his eyes rose from my expanded chest to refocus on mine.
"How about I strip out of this skirt, get down on all fours and let you fuck me up the ass, while I suck on Sharon's clit? Would THAT help to jog your memory, hmm?" I declared, shaking my jugs for greater impact.
"Oh my GOD! Holy SHIT! It CAN'T be YOU!" Bill's eye lit up like Christmas, just as Sharon showed up in the hallway, wireless phone in hand.
"No, the only Barb I can even think of..." She came to a screeching halt.
Leaving me frozen in the threshold, Bill rushed to his wife like he'd just discovered the secret to global warming. "Baby, you're gonna shit your pants! Do you have any idea who this is, do you?
"Well, judging from your antics, I think I can approximate a good guess," she answered, bypassing her excited hubby to greet me. "I... I'll have to call you back; something has come up," she numbly spoke, before chucking the phone into a nearby recliner. "There's only one Barb that could get such a response from Mr. Composure. Hi Barb, I'm Sharon," she welcomed me with a smile.
"Surprise! Bet I'm the very last person you expected to ever show up on your doorstep?" I laughed and stepped inside. Once she closed the door, I extended my hand. Casting my hand aside, she favored me with a full neck-to-neck embrace.
"Surprise is probably the understatement of the year! I can't believe you're HERE!" Our hands dropped to lock at the elbows, as she backed away. In my high heels I was the same height as tall, 5'8" Sharon in her stocking feet.
"I can hardly believe it either. Actually, I chickened out twice; thinking... well, not knowing what to think."
"Don't be silly, Barb. You're our sparkling girl!" She exclaimed, cupping my face in her hands.
I blushed, until she forced my eyes up to hers. "I don't really sparkle, I'm afraid..." She surprised me with a full mouth-to-mouth kiss. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, before her mouth slid to the side of my face to whisper in my ear. "I need to ask a serious question," she whispered, as I felt her own sizable rack pressing against me. I smiled over at Bill across the room and nodded. "Do you find either of us even remotely attractive?"
"Geez Sharon, I've only just met you guys in person, that is. I like what I've seen so far, how's that?" I answered and gave her shoulders a friendly squeeze. Keeping her arms at my waist, she leaned back again to stare me down.
"Okay then... God, I can't believe I'm doing this... is he still watching us?" Her brown eyes shot to the ceiling, before settling again on my puzzled baby blues. "Of course, he is, the old horn dog," she remarked, before tentatively running her fingers through my ash blonde locks.
"Yep, but I think he's getting antsy," I replied and leaned to one side to shoot Bill another questioning smile. "He's prolly wonderin' what the hell we're up to..."
"Yeah well, okay; here's the deal, Barb," she began and started slowly taking off my jacket. "I want you and I to make out."