The young don't know about love—love how it is lived out over years, over life. Nor should they, of course. It isn't yet their time.
Edward is a good man, but tired. For the last several years we have been happy, I guess. We travel and we golf. Sometimes we go to movies or the theater. All in all, we are comfortable and get along. Edward is intelligent and converses well, but the passion is no longer there. After twenty-five years of marriage, I suppose those feelings wane.
There is still sex, of a kind. I am, to use the animal phrase, serviced. Usually twice a month, on alternate Fridays. It is mercifully short, though not sweet. One or two kisses, passion optional, clothes off, dick in.
I now use lubricants. We have no children.
There are times I wonder about this. Edward is an attractive man. He's quite handsome and reasonably thin. His hair is thick, his body toned from gym. I hope I am at least so well preserved. My figure is as trim as ever, thanks to the Stairmaster. The crow's feet are still faint and even they, I've been told, are becoming.
They're little smile lines, Ellen. They make you even more beautiful.
I wish I could believe that. When I notice men watching me, I am pleased and reassured. I don't know why our love life has gone cold.
We both have jobs of significance. Edward is partner in an accounting firm and I am an architect, so quick cook or home delivery is common for our meals. Ordering out usually means classic fast food cuisine: pizza or Chinese.
I know what you're thinking—sex-starved wife, hot delivery boys. Ooh-la-la.
In my dreams, perhaps.
The pizza guys look young and hung, but also dumb. They suffice for the idle fantasy that accompanies a swift afternoon buzz with my vibrator, but that's all. The movie they play in my mind has sound but no dialogue, if you catch my drift. But the Chinese takeout guy? Let's just say that there, sometimes, is a more subtle flavor. One in particular—tall and angular—a guy with wire-frame glasses. Dark hair, cut neatly and styled short. His name is Tim. I asked. He looks well in jeans.
I always go to the door. Edward is too busy. He still has his job, his work, brought home. Says there's too much for one man to do, during normal hours. It saps his time.
And it
does
take time. I have to stand in the living room actively looking out for the delivery car. The entryway is on the side of the house, facing the blank wall of the neighbor's garage, and the porch is set back from the front of the house. It's easy to miss our street number and more than one driver has gone sailing past, taking our food off into the sunset. Tim found the house first try.
I always overtip Tim. It's that nice smile, the dimples like those on Dennis Quaid.
Over time, I've gotten to know a bit about him, the way you do when you chat with someone you see now and then. Nothing too intimate, of course, just things like he's a college student, that he wants to be an artist. Things like that. That he likes baseball.
I like baseball too and we sometimes talk about the local team and commiserate. You know,