It had been at least a year since the first time I had sex with Sheila, a cigarette-smoking-polyester-pants-wearing Second-hand goods dealer at the outdoor Nimitz Road Flea Market. The thing is, I'm 20 and she's a lot older. A year ago, I might have cared what you thought about me, seducing an innocent old lady and all. Hilarious. Not only did I not seduce her, Shiela out and out played me like a fiddle, fucked me hard, used me like she wanted and just stopped when she was done. I don't know what you call it, but whatever it is it sure ain't seduction.
But the Flea Market had seduced me for sure. The Nimitz Road Flea Market in San Whogivesafuck had two hundred and fifty six separate booths specializing in every kind of collectable that came second-hand, third-hand and Glad-hand. I had first come to the Nimitz for comics books and back issues of Playboys: it being the 1980's porn was still hard to come by. But the vast array of wonderfully weird things and the wonderfully weird people who sold them is what kept me coming back.
On this hot Saturday afternoon I had come to the Nimitz not for my usual comics and porn, but for two lamps, twenty magazines from the 1960's, a desk humidor, a stuffed owl, fifteen small picture frames and about twelve other implements of destruction. Due to my known Flea Market experience, I had become the defacto guy for all Theater props in my town, and I had a list of stuff to get. What made it more fun is that I got to keep whatever money I didn't spend.
Suckers.
The market was busy as hell, and I spent hours going from booth to booth, walking away when it helped, bargaining when I could, flirting when it helped, yelling when I could. The dealers and staff all knew me, and a few had become dear friends, and some had become lovers. Dear friends,...lovers??...Jeeze, I sound like an old man. But I guess that's due to hanging out with all these mostly older folks, and the fact they are on the outskirts of society and propriety means they don't live like most folk or talk like them. I think that might be me now, too. And frankly, I'm totally cool with that.
Jenny and Frankie, the Denim Jean Queens were all smiles when I picked up a bolt of cheap muslin they happened to have on hand. They had the best prices on denim jeans, jean jackets and all jean-like apparel in the state. They were also great in the sack. Jenny was a slim, tanned 50-year old with a black 1960's hair-do that was retro as hell. Frankie was from New Orleans and had the kind of curves James Dean would happily wreck his car on. She kept her hair plastered down flat, in a style that was exotic, and only worked on her. The cool part was Jenny liked to suck cock, Frankie liked to fuck cock. We had hooked up, and in the process Jenny and Frankie had hooked up with each other astoundingly for the first time. (( Check out MackKnifely's "Flea Market of Lust: The Denim Queens Ch. 1 and 2 if you want to read about John fucking them ))
Despite our naked past, they tried to charge me too much for the muslin, and I bargained them back down with scandalous promises and White Boy guile. Clever Larry, the guy in charge of the concession stand, was the one who called my ability to win over folks White Boy guile.
Man, I love the Nimitz!
Two stalls down there was a customer having some trouble with Jackson Jones, the all-natural soap dealer. The customer was a brassy shoulder-length blonde in a tennis skirt and matching pastel top. It was clear from a glance she was not a Nimitz regular, though perhaps her pool boy was. She had a string of pearls, light make-up, and an elegant air about her, in a manner very few people at the Nimitz did. She was about my Mom's age, maybe older, but very well kept.
The first clear sentence I heard clearly was Jackson saying, "Lady, you got to be crazy!"
"I beg your pardon! Why is it crazy to wish to buy your products?" Her tone was thick with a lifetime of never challenged expectations.
Jackson saw me behind the woman, and caught my eye, desperate for escape. "Hey, John! Man, this woman wants to buy every bar of soap I got. Every single one."
The lady turned towards me with a disapproving eye that quickly melted to benign interest with a few blinks as soon as she saw me. I smiled and told Jackson, "Great. Get her a receipt and big ole' sack."
"Thank you young man!", the woman said with a flourish and a turn back to Jackson.
Jackson shook his head. "Unh unh. She wants every single one in a separate little bag with a separate little ribbon on it."
"Oh." Any hint of approval in my voice was gone.
She had turned back toward me and leveled an icy stare at me. " 'Oh.'? What do you mean by, 'Oh',?"
"Um, 'Oh', as in we don't do that kind of thing here, 'Oh.'"
"Preposterous! Any fine purveyor of toiletries would provide extra baggage!"
"What the hell did she call me?!" Jackson exclaimed.
"Ok! Hold On! Both of You!" I yelled before anything else could happen. The truth was this was just a case of a hot day and worn tempers. The lady, Mrs. Branson, was desperate for gifts for a Gala reception, and so had to have the soap wrapped, and wrapped well, by tonight. No other store was open this late on a Saturday; San Whogivesafuck was not New York City. Jackson sells his soap and nothing else. But I worked out a deal if she got the soap on masse, I could find everything else she needed. At first Mrs Branson was unsure, but went along with my plan after I flirted a little. White Boy Guile.
I was able to not just score her 120 bags, but hand-crafted sachets with beaded drawstrings from the Head shop stall--oh, Head Shop is a Vintage Weed Dispensary with no weed. Yeah, the 1980's were weird. Then with an extra 20 bucks and a little help from the concession guys, we got the soaps bagged up and looking pretty in no time. As me and Clever Larry loaded up the trunk and back seat of her Volvo with the soaps, Mrs Branson seemed genuinely grateful. Now I have to admit I had been ogling her hot body during our entire little shopping trip, and was going to miss watching her tits jiggle and her firm ass not jiggle under her pastel colored tennis outfit. She was a C-Cup, but barely, she was fit all over and moved like an athlete. I was barely able to keep my eyes up and off her body as she said good-bye.
"Thank you John, seriously, you've been a lifesaver." As I pulled my hand back I saw she had pressed some money into my fist. I was about to throw out a gentleman's line and give it right back, and then I saw it was a couple of hundred dollar bills.
"Um...you know, I'm going to keep this.", I said mostly to myself.
She looked puzzled. "Of course you are. You're worth it." She said the last part very seriously, her eyes sending the words at me like two ice blue darts. "Good-bye." She broke the reverie and climbed into her car and zoomed away. Clever Larry, who was still standing right behind me, was the first of us to speak.
"Dude, she almost wanted to fuck you."
"Yeah?"
"Yup. But she definitely respected you."
"Yeah?"
"Yup. Not sure which is better."