I am a retired man in my 60's, and I live in a suburban neighborhood of a small west-coast city. I live with my best friend Ralph. No, not what you think.
Ralph is my dog. He is a lab mix, about 60 pounds, and a real rascal.
I take Ralph on a walk twice a day to the Neighborhood Park, where dogs are allowed if they are on a leash, and well behaved. The park is full of people with their kids, and some other people with dogs.
I noticed a young woman there often with her little Terrier. She looked to be in her thirties, and she is very attractive. Her dog is cute, too.
I nodded a greeting her way several times and eventually she gave me a slight smile in return. I imagine she thought of me as "that old guy."
I have lived alone for years, ever since my last marriage broke up. I do not get a lot, as they say, and my sex life is pretty much Internet porn. There is no rejection with masturbation.
The woman with the Terrier had my attention, though. I wondered what her sex life was like. She was very nice looking, so I was sure she was hooked up.
I asked one of the older ladies in the Park about her. There is a gossip network around here that is amazing. I was told that she lives alone, and no one sees her except when she is out with her dog.
On one chance meeting, I introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Bob"
"I'm Janice" she answered.
Our dogs introduced themselves, with sniffing and tail wagging.
We had a little more small talk, about how we both live close to the Park, and we both walk our dogs here. After some awkward silence, we went on our separate way.
I really wanted to say a lot more, about how I would like to perform some biologically obscene acts on her. I could imagine the two of us in some of the scenes in the porn that I entertain myself with.
Porn distorts reality, I guess. I sometimes think I should just ask a woman for sex. I know men and women are different (duh) but if a reasonably attractive woman asked if she could suck my cock, I would say "Yes!"
If I asked a woman if I could lick her pussy, all hell would break loose. Most women would be offended, insulted, and call the Police. Why?
I guess I have become a dirty old man.
One day in the Park, I once again came face to face with the mystery woman. She was wearing her usual shorts and a tee-shirt type of top. My mind immediately started to undress her.
We both had our dogs on a leash, but that didn't stop Ralph. He tried to sniff the Terriers butt, and she snapped at him. It is a friendly gesture among dogs, but this little bitch acted like a female human, and almost bit Ralph.
I apologized, and said "He is fixed, but he doesn't act like it."
She understood, and said, "He is just being a dog."
That is when Ralph really became obnoxious. He put his nose right up into the woman's crotch, and took several deep sniffs! He had his nose buried in the crack of her vagina!
She backed away, and I jerked Ralph back with his leash.
Now I really apologized, and her face turned bright red.
I desperately wanted to say something, anything, to try to hook up with her. I didn't want to ask her out for a drink, or dinner, or a date of any kind.
But why couldn't I just say what was on my mind?
After a little more small talk, I thought, what the hell, just do it!
I said "He only did what I was wishing I could do."
I thought, OK, she would either scream, or slap me, or just walk away. She did the latter, and I thought, at least I would not be arrested.
I should have known better. A woman will just not accept an outright offer of sex from a virtual stranger.
Now all of my fantasies about her would have to end. I had screwed up a relationship long before it started.
Several days later I saw her on the other side of the Park with the Terrier, and when she saw me, she started walking straight towards me. I thought "Oh no, here it comes!"
When she got close enough to me, she asked me "Did you mean what you said?"
"What, when?" I said, acting like a fool.
"The other day, when your dog sniffed me"
What a wonderful surprise! I said, "Yes, I certainly did!"
She had a questioning look on her face, so I repeated it. "I most certainly did!"
She was silent, so I spoke up. I went directly to what I wanted to say, with no more suggestive comments. I got right to the point.
I said, "I would love it if you would just let me give you an orgasm orally."
"I would not ask for anything more, and I would not do anything you didn't want me to do."