Teasing Nurses

Being flat on my back in a hospital, needles stuffed into what seems to be every available space just is not a pleasant experience.

My way to cope when I am scared out of my wits is to make wisecracks. I know, that sounds silly but I remember sitting there waiting once when I knew a Doctor was going to stick a blade into my EYE and this nurse got me to laughing so hard I forgot about what they were going to do until it was about over.

Another time when I was hauled in with pains in my chest, the idea of dying pouring into and overwhelming my mind, another older nurse picked up on what I was doing and we got to laughing.

"On a scale of one to ten, how frightened are you right now?" She asked me.

"Ten!" I answered without thinking.

She grinned and reached out to put her hand on my stomach through the thin flower covered thing they call a gown.

"Honey, I wish all of our clients got scared like you do. Just relax, I won't leave, I will be right there and I will see to it that you are just fine myself!"

Somehow that helped a lot. She was right there when I woke up, too. By then I was in love with her, I didn't care that she was sixty and 40 pounds overweight.

The nurses stay pretty serious when they have someone that appears to be on death's door, but I felt just fine this time.

Sure, I felt tired, I knew I was bleeding inside like a stuck Hog, and yea, I knew all about it possibly being Cancer.

Scared? Hell, yes! But I really did feel just fine.

That's how I cope, finding everything funny, flirting mercilessly with the nurses, making those double meaning type jokes.

Those nurses responded in kind, let's face it, some humor brightens their day too, it can't be a really pleasant life looking after deathly ill people day after day, having to watch some of them die.

So knowing that they had a wise guy in one of their rooms, they started teasing. They were not only teasing the candy stripers, they were teasing me right back.

Like when I made the remark about all the cute nurses around and they send some hairy guy in to probe my bottom? The two nurses in there grinned at each other and told me they could handle that some more for me if I really wanted them to.

I kinda didn't, of course, they knew that. They both roared at the expression on my face.

Bad enough they were going to shove a garden hose down my nose to see if they could find some blood in my stomach. I admit I hated that, but the easy manner helped some. They got that done, I survived it and I didn't want them to do that to me any more, either.

When I accused them of stealing my blood and selling it they popped right back with, "Gotta support the hospital somehow!"

Then the one gal came in and bent over to do something, hell, she had nearly all of her tits out in space and she knew I was looking and she let me.

She just grinned at my reaction, thought it was cute I guess. Sick as a Dog, maybe serious, but still interested in a nice set of titties?

So the typical terrible time in the hospital wasn't so terrible after all. Hell, I even quit smoking (I think) when it hit me I was a couple of days without and wasn't missing them.

After they discharged me from the hospital, I went on home, back to my really fascinating life. Yea, I got my old tongue in my cheek here. I had the little sack of medicines I had obtained over at Walmart, after standing irritated as hell in line for about two hours.

Since I have drug coverage, I figured it wouldn't be too bad, plus those guys have those "$4.00" per prescription thingies.

Yea, sure. It's "tier one" and "tier two" and this isn't on the list and that isn't on the list and there is that doughnut hole and just fuck it, gimme the stuff.

I handed them my credit card.

They made me go stand and listen as a bored guy told me how to take the stuff and what to not do, hell, they were pills.

Not exactly fucking complicated.

I got home and looked at all of them, then I sat them down on the counter and made me a pot of coffee.

No coffee, they had told me. Screw that.

In the living room, I clicked on the TV, listening to one channel for about 30 seconds before having enough of that and switching over to Fox. 30 seconds of that was enough, too, one click down and cops were chasing some silly SOB all over the place.

Man, he was knocking over mailboxes and posts, he had started out with a pretty darn nice car there.

Guess it wasn't his anyway so it didn't matter.

The cops tried to spin him out, making the back end weave as I yelled, "Step on the gas, not the brakes you stupid......!"

Hell, they tried a half dozen times, I would have gotten him the first time, by golly, put the bumper of my big old 4 X 4 on him and steer into it with the gas to the....

The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"I want to add some Ferrous Gluconate to your medicines." Debra's voice said.

"What's that?" I asked her, still eyeballing the TV.

"Iron. Your red cells are still down a little bit."

"OK."

"Did you write that down?" She asked me.

"Yea." I lied.

"I will call it in for you." She sighed.

"OK. Thanks." I hung up.

Finally the guy was stopped in a shower of sparks, a bunch of cops ran over and jumped on him and they weren't being gentle about that.

"Get on the GROUND!" They were screaming at the top of their lungs, hell, the poor bastard was already on the ground, some giant cop was standing on his head.

I guess cops get pissed off when people run from them.

Funny shit. I reached for my pack of smokes, then I remembered I didn't have any.

Shit!

I went to sleep right there in my chair.

I woke up, something about pills in the back of my mind. I went in and found the bottles, looked at the instructions. Why do they use such tiny little type, anyway? Young people could maybe read that but young people usually aren't sick.

Old people are usually the ones that are sick, and old people can't see!

Stupid bastards.

I finally found my glasses in the crack alongside the seat cushion in my chair. Two of these and one of those, three times a day it said. I took them, went back into the living room.

That had been quite an experience, I never pooped jet black before. It was quite a shock to my system.

I thought for a moment about how some of the older nurses had been teasing the new young one on duty, sending her in there to "take care" of me.

I was pretty darn sure that had that actually started into something they would have been in there to stop that of course, after all, it was a hospital.

The poor young girl just didn't have a clue and that had been obvious. I had a feeling that the older nurses had lots of fun teasing the poor candy stripers.

I also noticed that when it was bed bath time, it was one of the regular nurses that came in, they didn't send in one of the ones in the plain looking smocks.

I could just imagine how that would go over, the candy stripers were actually just more or less janitors. Or is it waitresses? Sorry, I don't mean to insult any of you that are beginning nurses here.

Let's see, "Certified Nurse Practitioners", is that it?

Of course Debra, my personal RN was also really a very liberal type of gal. I had a male Doctor before for years, he really didn't want to talk much about how well my sexual responses were, and I could tell he found it completely distasteful if something cropped up that meant he needed to check my prostate.

I guess I could understand that, sticking my finger up some guys ass wasn't going to exactly make my day, either.

Anyway, that issue of course cropped right up, some mornings it was a full ten minutes before I could get to dripping a little bit. That has the side effect of making the old weiner a bit tough to get up and going, which I had also noticed.

Getting old is a fucking pain in the ass, let me tell you. Even when I was watching one of my videos that yanked my chain a tad, I would find myself in the mood but my body not very cooperative.

Debra was different, once she got me to mention my urine stream problems she had me bent over in no time at all and shoved her finger up there, finding my Prostate was about the size of a Grapefruit.

Then she told me that regular sexual activity, regular orgasms was probably the very best method of helping that, which got a laugh out of me.

Fat chance of that.

I didn't have a partner and didn't have much hope of finding one. The ones that interested me were all about 40 years younger than I was.

There is just one way to really attract a nice sweet young thing when a guy is well into his sixties, that is by trolling $100 bills.

Well, a bright red Corvette helps, too.

The surprise was that after the hospital stay the one nurse named July had handed me a card suggesting a massage, and then the other surprise was Debra herself had made some hints?

I really didn't pay a hell of a lot of attention to July, but Debra? Interested in me?

Naw. Had to be my imagination.

I went in and dug my shirt out of the dirty clothes, retrieved the business card and the note with Debra's home phone number, sat down and looked at it.

Naw. July probably just meant a massage, I was reading more into that than I had thought, and Debra was of course just wanting to keep me healthy.

The phone ringing woke me up, for some reason I was sure sleeping in my chair a lot.

"Morning, Danny. Hey, I want you to stop by my office and pick up the script." Debra told me right off the bat.

"What script?" I asked, thinking just great. More fucking pills. Debra was sure calling me a lot lately.

"For your massages, you have an ulcer and relaxation is good for that, plus that other little problem can be addressed." There was a hint of humor in her voice.

Other little problem? What other little problem?

"Oh."

"Well, OK, if you think...."

"I do, it will help you, and with the script, July can just bill Medicare."

"OK, if you think so."

"Plus if you want to, call ME any time." She added.

She stressed the "ME" part?

That was the second time she said that, it almost sounded like....?

Naw.

I got in my truck and drove over to the clinic. The receptionist handed me an envelope, she had a big shit eating grin on her face, at least it seemed like it to me.

Hell, did all of them know everything about my business?

Yea, probably. I went back home, it was time for my pills again so I took them.

Then I punched in July's number.

"I have been waiting for your call." Were the first words out of her mouth.

Damn caller ID, anyway.

"Yea, I was...Debra said..." Hell, I didn't know exactly what to say.

"How is two O'clock? I have your address."

"That's fine. You mean you come over here, I don't have to...?"

"No, I have a portable table, the whole idea is to keep you relaxed. See you at two!" She hung up.

I figured I had better clean the place up, so I scurried around gathering up a few month's worth of books and newspapers, got out my vacuum and did the carpets.

It sure is amazing the things that end up in carpets, it sounded like I was vacuuming the gravel driveway.

Then I went and took a shower, scrubbing until I was pink. I was really looking forward to a good massage.

Yea, I know. In the back of my mind was the thought that maybe? After all, some of the things that had been said and the way they were said gave me some ideas, but those were fantasies of course.

This was the medical profession, so very likely I was going to get my back rubbed. When July arrived, she was lugging along a huge fold up table. She had on a nurse's smock, it looked just like the one she was wearing at the hospital.

In seconds she was set up, she told me to undress and hop on, handing me a huge towel. Then she went to wash up. I did as she asked, settling in face down with one of my pillows under my cheek.

It didn't take me very long to realize that she knew exactly what she was doing, the strokes up and down my back could easily put me to sleep. I had a little struggle with that, then she was working on my legs.

I got very comfortable very quickly, even though I had only seen her maybe three or four times before.

"So what made you decide to work as a masseuse?" I asked her.

"I was seeing so many older clients with concerns, so Debra and I talked. There just is no real outlet for so many of them, and it causes so many medical problems, it just seemed to be logical to us."

"It would seem to me that you could make more money working as a Registered Nurse?"

"Not really, since I am an RN and through Debra I can bill Medicare, it's pretty good that way too."

"Medicare actually covers the cost of this?"

"Yes. Plus since I am a Registered Nurse, I can do...anything I want to." She had that teasing tone in her voice again.

I was thinking about that, still not completely sure what it sounded like she meant when she asked me to turn over. I managed to roll over onto my back, July adjusted the towel up over my chest, it reached down to halfway down my thighs. She folded the towel to bare my chest, her hands went busy again.

It felt wonderful, her fingertips slid across my nipples, the motions took on a sensuous feel. Then she began some big clockwise circles on my stomach, each sweep took her hands lower and lower. I felt the towel being pushed down until her hands were passing across the top of my pubic hair.

I began to feel the glimmerings of an erection, enough that I was totally aware of it.

Her hand slid alongside and down my pelvis, right alongside my groin. Her fingers actually pressed into and lifted the soft flesh around my testicles. Then she found some spot down there that caused me to spring up about half hard. I let out a small moan, the sensation was wonderful. She repeated that over and over, close, so teasingly close. After a few minutes of that she was on the other side, doing the same thing.

"Well, we are getting a nice response from you here, that is very good." She smiled down at me.

She reached down and carefully cradled my testicles, holding them lightly. Then she stroked down my thighs and right back up, each time lifting a bit more, until finally one hand slid upwards and over my length.

"Yes, very nice response." She said quietly, as her hand wrapped around me and she made several strokes the full length.

"Now I want to try and take you all the way to orgasm, give those muscles around your Prostate some exercise. That's all right, isn't it?"

"Uhh...yes." I managed to mutter.

"Good. Of course I needed your permission." She said.

Permission hell, at this point she could baste me and stick me in the oven if she wanted to.

The strokes continued, lord did she know exactly what to do. I felt myself building, more and more until finally I blasted off in an amazing climax. It seemed like it tore through my entire body.

Her hands did not stop, somehow I felt that building again, more and more, culminating in an even more incredible crashing peak that lasted what seemed to be a very long time.

My eyes were closed, I was seeing flashes of light, sparks.

I opened my eyes, July had my now softening penis in her left hand, somehow my left leg was bent at the knee. I glanced down, realized she had a latex glove on her right hand, her index finger up my rectum. I hadn't even realized that.

"Nobody ever...." Was all I could manage.

She withdrew her hand, stripped off the glove and tossed in in the wastebasket. Her other hand was still slowly working my length.

"That was a fairly solid orgasm, I could feel in in your Anus. The contractions are really healthy for you." She smiled down at me. Then she began some long slow strokes up and down my chest and sides.

"I never would have dreamed that you would be allowed to do this." I told her.

"Sexual health is as important as all the rest. We were seeing so many male clients with the same problems over and over. Prostate concerns, Erectile Dysfunctions, even Ulcers like you have which we really do know is related to stress. So Debra and I decided to try and do something about it."

"That amazes me." I said, sitting up.

"Debra selects the clients and refers them to me, that is pretty much all there is to it. That way we get just the clients that really do need help, and avoid the ones just looking for some fun." She grinned at me.

"Hey, I will bet the next time you urinate it will be easier." She grinned at me.

"That would be nice." I said, my head still swimming a bit.

She had me sign a form, loaded up her equipment.

"Next week?" She asked me at the door.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world!" I said, getting a titter out of her.

As soon as she was gone, I went into the bathroom. July was right about that, my bladder emptied fairly easily, and completely, too. It had been quite awhile since that happened.

I took a shower to get the oil off of me, then I realized I was humming to myself. I had to admit, I sure felt a lot better. That was nothing at all like the tiny weak little orgasms I gave myself from time to time.

Had anyone told me that something like this could happen I would have just laughed at them.

Covered by Medicare? I busted up laughing at that one, it sure made up for them screwing me on the "Tier" medicine crap.

I went back into the living room and sat down in my chair. Reaching in my pocket, I pulled out the little slip of paper.

Debra's home phone number. I looked at it, folded it up and carefully put it in my wallet. By golly, I was just going to find out about that one.

I reached down for the remote control, clicked the button, grinning to myself. Some talking head came on, I touched the mute button.

Sure, I had a little bit of erectile concerns, but not that bad. I just got that proven to me.

I reached for my pack of smokes, then remembered I didn't have any.

Oh, well. I leaned back in my chair, feeling better than I had in years.

Yep. Things were really looking up.