After being married for sixteen years, one gets to know their partner rather well. Even in a marriage as fantastic as ours, sometimes things go off course. Lately I had begun to sense that my husband Max wasn't feeling fully satisfied. Although nothing had changed in our day to day life, our interactions in the bedroom could be categorized as less than stellar of late. There was not a doubt in my mind that we were still madly in love and remained best friends, but I had grown concerned about Max's ability to feel fully satisfied with our sex life over the past few months. I, on the other hand, felt that our twice weekly interactions were sufficient.
Now, don't get me wrong; I would have been happy to provide more sex, but that wouldn't have changed that fact that the ultimate spark was missing. I knew I had to deal with this issue or risk the love of my life living in a way that was not completely fulfilling. Sex had become more important to him than it was to me over the years, as often happens in long standing marriages.
Something seemed to have changed with Max over the past few months and it was up to me to help us through it as he wasn't the type to "rock the boat" as the saying goes. In all our years of marriage, Max had never raised a complaint; for that, alone, I owed him. I wanted to see my husband live a life of satisfaction and bliss. What good wife doesn't?
We met in college and had one of those fairytale love stories. He was the all-star quarterback and I, the doting cheerleader girlfriend. The two of us have been inseparable since meeting in our freshman year. Unlike many of our friends and relatives, Max and I enjoy one of those easy relationships where we just loved the same things and were happiest being together.
We still spent weekends faithfully watched our beloved Vikings (I know, I know!) attempt to win football games, enjoyed fine dining and participated in lots outdoor activities together. Many of his friends remarked that they wished their wives would enjoy, or at least tolerate, sports. Behind my back, according to Max, they also remarked that they wished their wives were "as hot as Vanessa".
I often heard Max joke with his buddies, "You are welcome to look at my cute little wife, but it's strictly hands off. If one of you jerks ever so much as laid a hand on my Vanessa, I would have to kill you."
The guys would often respond with comments like, "Dude, we'd never lay a hand on her. She scares us WAY more than you ever have! She can definitely take care of herself!"
The real joke was that I was a very tough, self-reliant kind of woman. Max wanted to be seen as my big protector, but I was fiercely independent. If we had an area of contention, it might be this one. He liked to control things in a caring way, but I never seemed to require it because I was so "in control". We managed to work it out because we loved one another. He took care of me in many ways that counted and I occasionally call on him to be my protector.
As founder, owner and CEO of a large start-up retail fashion chain, I made decisions daily that impacted many people. My company was founded to provide employment opportunities for disenfranchised women and I was serious about its success. Some people attributed my personality to being a woman in the corporate world; I think the reverse is true in that you can't achieve much success in business without a "take charge" personality. The point being that my husband did not marry a shrinking violet.
Maybe the guys were attracted to my long dark wavy hair or my tiny waist. Max said it was my vivacious personality and my 34 D's! Regardless, Max and I managed to stay faithful and in love, no matter the attention paid by others. He had his fair share of admirers, too.
We both went to the gym at least three times a week and, having no children afforded us plenty of time for ourselves. I often noticed girls checking out his broad shoulders and six pack abs. At 6' tall, 180 pounds, he tended to command attention from women, young and old, wherever he went.
Max was a professor of English at our local college, so he was surrounded by cute little co-eds on a daily basis. They often fawned over him and some paid of lot of attention to him despite the gold band he wore on his left hand every single day. I never gave a second thought to his fidelity. He told me about the girls, some of them offering to do "anything, Mr. Cooper!" for a change in their grade or simply made a play to spend time with him! We joked about it and went about our business.
As our sex life became less exciting to him, I began to wonder if my husband wished his nature would allow him to actually cheat on me. The thought of him acting on one of the offers of these nubile young co-eds actually got me the teensiest bit excited. I began to think of safe ways to allow him to experience the attention of other women and remain true to our ideals. I read up on alternative marriages and learned how other couples dealt with this sort of issue, often in very creative ways. One area that interested me was ethical non-monogamy. I wasn't quite prepared to move on to anything concrete, but I began to ask Max for his thoughts on alternative marriage.
"Why, honey? Are you thinking of getting some satisfaction from a young stud?" he laughed.
"Babe, be serious. I realize that our sex life isn't as active as it once was. I know that a lot of hot girls hit on you at school. Before you say anything, I know you would never have sex with one of your students. I also know that you wouldn't cheat on me," I said.
"But," I went on, "I am worried that you are not fully satisfied in bed lately."
He looked a bit shocked at my comment and tried to deny the truth. I stopped him immediately.
"Max, darling, I know how much you love me. I'm just talking about sex here, not love," I went on. "We've always been honest with one another and this is not the time to deny the truth. For our marriage to continue being healthy, we must be truthful."
He finally admitted that, although he wasn't considering cheating at all, he would like more action in the bedroom. As I probed, he went on to tell me that he had lately developed an interest in Domination and submission (D/s) and had been reading a lot about it on the internet.
Before I was able to say anything on the D/s subject, he acknowledged that I had no interest in this area and assured me that he didn't expect me to suddenly develop one. He hadn't wanted to tell me of his newest interest and was amazed that I was aware that something had changed for him in the bedroom. For the past few months, he had made every attempt to maintain the status quo. That's what I had been feeling, the fact that he was "phoning things in" during our intimate moments. We discussed this and he realized that he was wrong for not being more honest with me, despite his desire to save me from being hurt.
Our talk was great and we felt closer for having this "secret" out in the open. He was very happy that I brought it up and we both felt a lot better. Nothing in our lives changed, but we each agreed to be much more open with one another about our sex life.
Around this time, his best friend Steve contacted him with a problem. Steve's new wife and his 20 year old daughter were having constant arguments. I recalled that, even as a child, Steve's daughter Caitlyn had always been a handful. Now that Steve had remarried, the problems had increased. His wife was threatening to divorce him. He knew he had to do something. He also knew that Max was a professional teacher and lived a life that included a lot of personal discipline. Steve and his first wife, Samantha, had always been our "hippie" friends and were very relaxed in their rearing of Caity.
"Max, man, I know this a lot to ask. Do you and Vanessa think you might be able to take Caitlyn for a few months? I think your disciplined and stable life might be just the thing to straighten her out. She really needs help. I also need a break. My wife is ready to walk," Steve nearly cried. He also let on that he was really fearful that Caity would get herself into serious trouble due to the people she was hanging around with and the lifestyle she had been living for the past few years. He thought that some of her friends were doing drugs and feared that Caity was not far behind in experimenting with them, though he truly believed her to be clean at this point.
Max told him that we would have to discuss it as a couple. This was a huge decision. Having a 20 year old move into our home was a big change. Max really wanted to help his friend. He also wanted to help a young girl who was obviously struggling. Even though Steve and Max were best friends, we hadn't seen Caitlyn since she was about 12. Steve's first wife had taken her to Spain to live among her maternal relatives soon after their divorce. Her dad didn't get to spend much time with her, except during their brief visits. This obviously had a huge impact on his ability to develop a relationship with the girl. We had vague memories of a very spoiled little girl who gave her father a lot of trouble during holidays.
