"Oh my God, my head hurts." I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't cooperate. "Where am I?"
"You're in my bed, big boy."
"Who are you, and how did I get here?" I finally got my eyes open to see an attractive woman, perhaps 40 dressed in a white blouse and white shorts standing a few feet away from the bed. She was slim, trim and looked fresh as a Daisy.
"I'm Harriet but everybody calls me Harry. I'm Paul's aunt, and I brought you here. You were to drunk to drive, so they asked me to take you home. You passed out in my car and I didn't know where you lived so I brought you here."
"I'm Ed, Shirley's grandfather. Now I remember, the wedding, Shirley and Paul got married. Oh God, I think I had a lot to drink at the reception. I've got to go to the toilet. What happened to my clothes?"
"I know who you are, and I took your clothes off before I put you to bed. Use this robe. While you're in there, you might as well take a bath and brush your teeth. You stink like whiskey and your breath is worse. I've put a towel and a spare toothbrush on the counter by the basin."
"Ah... did we...er... do anything?" I was beginning to feel human and was disappointed that I may have missed something important.
"Not on your life! It was all I could do to get you in the house. I slept on the couch. Would you like something to eat after you bathe?"
"I sure would, but something easy, my stomach is a little queasy."
She left the bedroom and I made my way to the bathroom on very unsteady legs. After brushing my teeth and ten minutes or so of the warm soothing water washing over my body I felt like I might live, or at least, hoped I would, but I still had a pounding headache in my right eye. My tongue felt very thick. The only thing I could think of that might help me would be three aspirin and a pot of hot, black coffee taken intravenously. I noticed that the robe she gave me was a mans, and almost big enough for my six-foot two-inch frame. I came out of the bath wearing only the robe, to discover that all my clothes, shirt, underpants and socks were missing.
I was standing there, reeling, in a stupor, trying to understand what was going on when she stuck her head in the door. "Come on sleepy head, breakfast is ready."
I don't think I said anything until I had the first cup of coffee. Then, she brought me some aspirins and I tried to eat the Western omelet she had prepared. I found out that she was a widow, 49 years old, and Paul's [the groom] mother's older sister. The robe I was wearing belonged to her husband who had passed away three years ago. My missing clothes were in the wash and would be ready in 30 to 40 minutes.
By the time I had finished the second cup of coffee, the aspirin were beginning to work, the swelling in my tongue had subsided, my stomach had quit revolting and had decided to accept the omelet.
I told her about me. I had taken early retirement [a buyout by my business partner] at 57 when my wife took sick and I nursed her for two years before she died last year. Since then I had done nothing socially until my granddaughters wedding yesterday.