Kelly is so much fun to write about, even though readers don't always like her. I devised her a long time ago, and I've always intended to get back to her... so here she is, some four years later. You can read about some of her past misadventures in my story "On The List," though you needn't: this story stands completely on its own. This is not a sequel, just a new story with some old friends.
I'm entering this in Lit's annual April Fools contest thanks to a devious piece of trickery that shows up a bit later. I'll leave it to you to decide how well that goes over. In any case, read all the contest entries and vote up your favorites!
Enjoy!
* * *
I frowned into my phone. "Wait. What?"
Fucking Audrey. Like I had nothing better to do than meet her at Samurai's. "I said," she replied patiently, "come get a coffee with me and Craig, bitch."
I wondered whether she could see my eyes roll from clear across campus. I could get to Samurai's Teahouse, and making her buy me a coffee would be a great pick-me-up: all that was true. But it was also true I'd be late for my Cultural Anthropology class, and the TA who kept the attendance had been mad at me ever since I'd done a fuck-and-run. "Give me an idea what it'll be about, whore. I've got class in like an hour."
"We need a favor," she replied sweetly, "but it's a favor you'll enjoy. Plus? Free cappuccino. Come on. Meet us, Kelly."
She knew I'd say yes. I almost never said no, to anything. "Okay. See you there, cunt. Order me a large frozen." I cackled as I thumbed my phone off; it was the most expensive item on the menu, and would take the barista longest to make.
I planned to complain about it, maybe even send it back.
I drew glances as I chopped quickly across the campus, but the truth is that I no longer really noticed anymore. I was a senior, a captain on the cheer team, meaning I'd been drawing glances for a long time now. Hell, even longer: I'd been a year older than everyone in high school too, so I'd been drawing glances since I'd been a junior.
More than just glances, too, and I liked it.
So I put that mock-unconscious sway into my walk as I passed the South Gate heading for Samurai's, striding disdainfully among the cars in the full lot. I spied Audrey's little Kia there, shining in the back corner like an orange jewel. It sported a busted headlight now, the careless little bitch. They'd gotten a table, miraculously, and the waiter was just leaving as I got there.
I avoided eye contact with the waiter. I'd let him fuck me once, but I'd been drunk and I was aware I'd been a disappointment. "Hi, whore!" I smiled cheerfully as I slid into the seat across from Audrey. "How's it going?"
"Not bad." She had some sort of overflavored, oversweetened cup of diarrhea on the table before her. Craig, I was pleased to see, was at least drinking something that looked like real coffee. "Got a problem, though, and we'll cut right to the chase. It's the Pixboox channel."
I didn't bother hiding my eye-roll. I'd been telling Aud for years that their channel was unsustainable. "People finally getting sick of you two?" I crowed. Audrey and Craig made amateur porn... to a fairly high standard, true, but still. At the end of the day, it was still just the same two people fucking. "Last month's anal trick wasn't enough to suit demand?" I laughed, and Craig blushed cutely as he looked out the window.
"Fuck you," Aud hissed. She'd been unable to get him all the way into her winky little butthole before his bored erection had softened after several long minutes of futile jabbing. And all her friends had been watching live as part of the Pixboox Plus intro package. "Actually, that got great views. And really good comments, too, so you can blow it out your ass."
"Better out than in, as you two proved," I snickered. It was fun watching them squirm.
"Yeah, yeah." She waved a dainty hand, a hand that looked like it was made of china. That was Aud's big thing, porn-wise: she looked like a delicate little doll, but she wasn't. She could really take a dick, something I'd always respected her for. A certain segment of the Pixboox-watching amateur porn crowd was apparently really into a girl like that, especially with a rack as impressive as hers. "Look. Let's get down to business here. Craig's late for class."
"Me too." He smiled blandly over at me. That was the word I always associated with Craig:
bland
. Not my type at all, though he did have a very nice penis. I liked edgier guys. I sucked up a suspenseful sip of my drink, and it disappointed me when I liked it. "What's up?"
They traded an odd glance. "Well. So we tried again," she ventured, as Craig looked out the window once more. I cocked my head, uncomprehending, then broke into a slow grin.
"Buttfucking?"
"Yeah." She shrugged with that air of defiance she sometimes got. "I just... it just wouldn't go in."
"Not convincingly." Craig had a higher voice than you'd think. He slurped at his coffee. "Just the tip."
"Well, seems to me like you need to do a little stretchy-wetchy," I gloated, taking another sip. "Because from what I've seen on your channel before, Craig's not the problem here."
He smiled, the devious smile of a guy who knows a compliment when he hears one, and the smile I gave back to him was the same kind. Audrey would hate that, I knew. I'd stolen two boyfriends off her back in the day, and those were only the ones she knew about.
"We tried," she bleated, "and now we're in trouble, because we have to have new content posted by the first of the month. And we need time for editing and shit, and... well." She shrugged. "We're fucked."
"If we don't post by April 1st," he added helpfully, "we violate our contract with the distribution company." I nodded, hoping it looked like I understood what the fuck they were talking about. Aud had explained their arrangement with some sort of local porn company, a seedy group of pervs called Loading Dock Productions, Inc. The idea was that they had some sort of deal with Pixboox allowing them to generate porn without violating the TOS somehow, but I wasn't clear on the ins and outs and, honestly, neither was Aud.
They'd been posting for like eight months now, and it had never been a problem. "So you need me for... what, exactly?" It couldn't be anything wholesome, that was for sure. Audrey Cimino knew me better than anyone else in the world, and she knew what kinds of favors I was good for. I doubted it was even anything as innocent as holding the camera.
They looked at each other again, and Craig started cautiously. "We need a big, splashy video this month, because we promised a special event. It was supposed to be the ass thing, but... well."
"We were thinking, like, a guest event?" Audrey was looking at me with her head down, her gorgeous lashes lowered, and it took a beat before I caught her meaning.
I burst out laughing. "You want your boyfriend to fuck me?" I said it loudly enough that a few heads turned. "On camera?"
He shrugged, and Audrey gave a defensive little scowl. "What I
want
is for the Candi and Kane empire to produce first-rate erotic content that will attract viewers," she grunted, "and right now, you're our best idea." She tossed her long hair. "Trust me, whore, you weren't our
first
idea."
