I was still getting used to being on my own. My wife and I had divorced almost a year ago and when she packed up and moved out, it was the first time in many years that I had no one else to think of as I planned whatever it is that I would be doing. I had been in a funk recently but could feel that time had begun to work its healing magic and I was getting ready to renter life amongst the living.
I had bought my wife out as part of the settlement and managed to keep the house but unfortunately since the divorce, I had lost interest in the yard and it showed. It was starting to look a little unkempt and shabby. I didn't want to become known a bad neighbour and decided that this beautiful sunny Saturday would be the day that I start to put my life and yard back together again.
Dressing in an old favourite baggy t-shirt, sweat pants and sneakers, I poured myself a coffee and sat down on the deck at the back of my house to make a plan for the day's work. I was actually looking forward to getting sweaty and do some work around the place.
I finished my coffee at about the same time I finished my game plan for the day and without further ado, set off for the garden shed to amass my weapons of destruction such as the lawnmower, weed eater, pruning shears and the like.
I attacked the yard with a vengeance. After putting in a couple of hours of productive work I stood back to take a look at my handy-work. Not bad! It's starting to look like the person who lives here gives a shit after all. I was deep in thought planning my next task when my neighbour shook me out of my stupor.
"Hey Dan, it's not going to get finished by standing there and looking at it you lazy slob!"
"Lazy slob? That's nice talk coming from some large breasted tart that hires illegal immigrants to do her landscaping."
I looked over the fence and saw a smiling Mrs. Smith standing there with two glasses of iced tea.
"You know that's not fair Dan, if I had muscles like yours I would do my own yard work too."
"Oh ya, well if I had huge tits like yours I wouldn't have to do my own yard work. All I'd have to do is flop those big babies around a bit and everyone would come running to help."
Mrs. Smith laughed like a schoolgirl and even blushed a bit. Since she had become widowed, I found it surprisingly easy to cheer her up by being a little rude and risquΓ© with her. I found that as time went by, we became more and more risquΓ© to the point I openly commented about her big tits. She seemed to like the attention and the mild, well-natured abuse. For an old broad, she was really built. My reference to her huge tits was an understatement. She had a set of big; natural tits that would make most surgically enhanced porn queens run for mommy and the rest of her body didn't look bad either. Somehow, she had managed to keep her waist nice and small and whenever I got a chance to see her in a skirt, it was obvious she had a great butt and nice legs to go with her huge rack. For such a short woman, barely five feet tall, she was really well put together.
It looks like you can use a little something to quench your thirst big boy. How would you like a nice cold glass of iced tea?"
"Yes please, it would really hit the spot right about now thank you."
"Good, it's settled then. Get your sweaty, smelly body over here and sit yourself down on the deck and we'll enjoy a nice cold drink together."
"I'm not sure you want me over there. I'll probably attract flies from miles away based on the way I smell right now."
"Nonsense, get your skinny little ass over here and sit down."
Pulling a rag out of my pocket, I wiped the sweat off my face as I walked over to the gate in the fence that separated our properties. Mrs. Smith had set the drinks down on a patio table and went back into the house before I could take my seat. She emerged a minute later with a cold, wet cloth.
"Here, wipe your sweaty brow with this, it will help cool you off."
Taking the cloth I smiled and said, "There's no way I'm going to be able to cool off with hot stuff like you around."
"Why whatever do you mean Sir?" she said in a fake southern accent batting her eyelashes.
We both giggled a bit and after taking a nice, long pull on the iced tea, I looked over the glass and in an equally bad southern accent replied, "Why missy, you know full well that any healthy normal male would heat up around a filly that was packing a pair like you."
"I do declare! Now you shush Dan. I declare, you're going to make me blush like a school girl. A big, strong, young man like you wouldn't be interested in the breasts of an old lady like me. I'm sure you think me a bit of a freak for having these big things attached to my little old body."
I dropped the southern accent, looked her straight in the eye and said in a more serious tone, "You know Mrs. Smith, you and I have lived next door to one another for quite awhile now. I don't know you nearly as well as a neighbour should and for that I apologize. I'd like to make sure you take no offence at the banter we have. I suppose it's easy for me to get carried away once in awhile and the last thing I want to do is offend you in any way."
"Why Dan, how sweet of you. You're right you know. We don't know each other very well do we? We must do something about that. First of all, I think you should call me Millie, not Mrs. Smith and secondly, no, I take no offence at our banter. In fact, I quite enjoy it. I'll tell you a little secret and let you know that I enjoy it when you call me names or refer to these huge breasts of mine. I'm not sure why really, I suppose it's because my dear departed husband acted in much the same way and it makes me happy to think a man other than him would notice me."
"You husband was a lucky man Millie."
"How kind of you to say. I do miss him terribly and I feel very lonely sometimes, I suppose that's why I enjoy your company so much. I imagine it's much the same for you now that you're on your own too."
"You've got that right. Sometimes I find myself talking to the walls. It's weird being in an empty house all the time."
"And I imagine it's difficult for a virile young man like you to not have a place to sow his oats. You must have to take matters in your own hands quite a bit to keep from exploding. My husband taught me that a man has to have release a couple times a day or he can become quite ill."
I have to tell you, I was more than a little shocked! This was something I hadn't expected at all. I wasn't sure what to make of this. Was she joking or was she serious? I had to tread lightly here. I thought I'd play along a bit to see where this went.
"Yes, your husband was right. It gets pretty painful if I don't get a chance to, er, well I guess you could say...blow off a little steam."
"You poor thing. I know just what you mean. My husband's mood would improve considerably after he let me service him. Some days he would get so uncomfortable that I would have to service him several times throughout the day."
Service him! What the hell did that mean? As I was trying to figure out what the heck was going on, she continued.