Angry
Yes, I'm angry. Angry at myself because I can't resist giving in to that dominate lust I experienced after years. It's that strong, that common sense is overpowered by the urge. Weekly now my ugly, fat old black body is the possessing of a young white stranger with a horny obsessing for it. I think it's an unhealthy desire and also cannot believe this young white man can find some attraction in it. And I give in to his sick desire, because I'm too weak to put an end to this. Let me explain:
I am a fat black old woman in her sixties, always being single because nobody ever wanted me. Life can be so unfair sometimes. I've always been fat, better said heavily overweight. I'm a kind of ugly, very tall and never attract eyes of men. I'm really an old fat, very big black woman, near 325 pounds.
When I was around twenty and already very fat, I let me seduce me by a horny boy. I thought he liked me as a person but soon found out he was just curious about my big fat body. He deflowered me against the fence of his parental house within the minute and after that I never saw him again.
A few years later I had a lover for one month, but regrettable found out he also had only interest in my big overweight black body. He let me do some very obscene things with him and I gave in to it, hoping some relation ship would be the reward in the end, but it didn't. And that's all of my experiences. Both had me just for their amusement.
Life since then was work, eat a lot and I became heavier and heavier in the years, and had to amuse myself because no one else did. I'm retired since a couple of years. It's not fair for someone, who had strong sexual needs (and strangely I do), and not getting the opportunity to get any satisfaction. It made me a grouchy person in the years. Believe me, I tried everything to get attraction from men, tried to loose weight, followed diet after diet, but I didn't have the discipline to hold on to it and grew fatter and fatter. I'm now almost 325 pound and although old, I still could knock down a brick wall if necessary. Because I'm grouchy I'm a lonely person, I don't care anymore. I'm like, you mind your own business, and I mind mine.
Sometime ago I was walking through the mall and I've got the feeling of being followed. I was irritated but curious. I know, because of my heavy weight en being a tall woman, I have a funny walk but nothing to be a laugh. I wiggle while walking and I'm aware that my whole body wobbles because of my wasteful fatness. I held still by a shop window and notify that a very young white man was watching me; I think he's in his mid twenties. He was an average type, not a stud, but just the type you wouldn't notice in public. He notified me too and quickly passed further. I waited for a few minutes and went on.
About a quarter of an hour I saw him again, explicitly watching me as if I were some kind of spectacle. I got angry because it wasn't any respectful. I decided to buy me a cup of coffee (and of course a big piece of apple pie). I went into a restaurant and ordered so. I set myself down near the window and while joining the coffee and the pie; I noticed after a while the young white man also stepped into the restaurant. He set him down at another table.
"This is my chance to get rid of him", I thought.
I quickly eat the rest of the pie and drank up my coffee. I putted the money on the table, stood up, and walked my way to the door. It wasn't to avoid I had to pass the table the young white man was sitting by.
When I nearly passed him, I heard him with a soft voice said: "Ma'am, I hope you're not offended, but I love big black women like you!"
"Yeah, so!" I thought and felt my anger growing.
"Make someone else laugh!" I answered and before he could answer, I disappeared through the door.
I hadn't any appetite to go on shopping and quickly went home. I kept irritable the rest of the day.
The next day I was irritable too. I had to go back to the mall because of the incident with the young white man. I had to buy some necessary I didn't when that young white man bothered me. After some time I notified the same young white man was following me again. I decided to put this to an end, stopped by a shop window and when this young white man was passing I turned around and grabbed him by the arm saying: "What sick person are you, stalking an old woman?"
Daringly the young white man answered: "Ma'am, as I told you yesterday, I love big black women like you."
He looked at me freely, slurping my big overweight body with his eyes. I'd tried to cover my excessive fat body by closing my open coat as if that would conceal my fatness. I felt my anger raise and nearly gave him a punch.
"Go find a psychiatrist with your unhealthy habit or find someone of your own age. Let this woman has her quiescent life." I bitched him.
"Ma'am, I won't do either of that because I have you in mind. And I won't stop until I get what I desire."
I was shocked and made a fist to knock him down. "Leave me alone or I call the cop.", I sassed.
"That won't help", he answered quietly, "Someday you will give in to me." and walked away.
I was speechless and that confused I forgot about the shopping and went into the same restaurant and eat two big peaces of pie. I then bought the necessary and went home.
I tried to banish this young white stranger from my mind but it didn't. No doubt he made a joke on me and was trying to find out how far he could get a lonely, overweight old black woman. It irritated me a lot.
Every time I visited the mall he followed me. Despite of ignoring him, he persevered his unhealthy obsession for me. Always with that greedy look at me. I had to go to that mall at least weekly because it's nearby my house. And I'm limited mobile of my excessive weight. I don't have a car and have to take a bus or walk. The mall is only a ten-minute walk from home.
I puzzled about this young white man's fixation. He became more freely and sometimes he walked, without saying a word to me, beside me for a while. Sometimes I turned around, but he kept following me.
Because this young stranger besides bothering me did nothing that could speak against him, I couldn't get rid of him. I was tired of it. By the next time he walked beside me I grabbed him firmly by the arm and sasses: "You're irritating me a lot! Tell me what you want from me to leave me in peace!"
He calmly answered: "I won't bother you again if you once offer me your delicious big body."
I was shocked and speechless. I must have had loose hold of him because he was disappeared before I could react.
Confused I did my shopping and went home. I kept shocked for the rest of the day by the words of that young white man. Never, no never I heard that freely daring. Those youngsters had no education these days! What does he think; just if he's horny for a woman's body he thinks she spread her legs for him?
I got very angry and grouchy. For the next days it didn't leave my thoughts. I kept angry and grouchy about it, but during passing days I got mixed feelings about it. Me, a never wanted elderly, heavily overweight black woman, got stalked by a horny young white stranger in her retired days. And he wanted to possess this ugly, awesome big fat body. Strangely, I got a certain feeling below my belly but I ignored it.
Some weeks later, it was almost common now this young man walked for a while beside me, I heard him say: "Thought about it?" and was disappeared again.