You Have Made Your Bed Val

This is Val's side of the saga. Please do read if death and depressing stories offend and disgust you like it did to so many before.

He was late again.

"Third fucking night this week! No phone call no nothing, I'm fucking sick of it."

I had spent three hours cooking his favourite meal and he stayed late at that poxy office again.

Jim came through the front door at 8.30pm.

"Again Jim, You promised me."

"I know but this order has to get out by the morning, I really had no choice."

"Of course you had a choice, You promised me 6pm, you promised."

"I know, I am sorry Val. But I also promised work I'd get it out on time. It won't happen again."

"Three nights running, three fucking nights I have thrown our dinner away, You think more of that office than you do me!"

My hormones were running wild lately, I knew it but I still blew my top at the slightest provocation. I knew it and yet I still did it.

We sat in silence yet again that night watching TV neither of us giving way, well Jim tried but I shut him down each time.

I was seven months pregnant now and constantly horny but not getting any, my nerves were getting frayed very easily.

We had been trying over a year for a baby before the test showed positive. Jim was so happy he was on the phone to his parents within minutes and cried for hours after. That night in bed we were so close, we kissed and cuddled all night falling asleep in each other's arms. The next day we were on cloud nine we talked of baby names and cots and a nursery in the spare room, we had so many plans to make.

That weekend we set to work stripping the old flowery wallpaper in the spare bedroom, it was harder than either of us were expecting but doing it together it was fun. We spent the next month at weekends doing it and by March it was perfect except the final colour.

We had the 20 week scan the following Tuesday so we would know the sex, I had a can of pink ready with my fingers crossed. Jim said the same old thing "Either, as long as it's healthy." Yeah of course, I knew he wanted a son really. Tuesday I got lucky, a girl. Mum came with us and she was overjoyed. She would have a granddaughter to spoil rotten, to take on shopping trips and teach her the sort of things that nans do.

Jim put in for overtime to get a nest egg for when she came. We decided on the name Charlotte, it was my nans name and my mums middle name. I put the finishing touches to her room while Jim worked, I was seeing less of him but the money would be worth it.

Our sex life midweek became non-existent because of his long hours, it also suffered at the weekend too. We still kissed and were affectionate but I missed sex, I needed sex.

Jim came out with, "I don't want to hurt the baby??"

I mean, come on for fuck sake! I started thinking "He doesn't love me now I'm fat."

Why doesn't he want me? I was starting to really feel unloved and unwanted.

We had not made love or had real sex now in 3-4 months and I was on edge all day every day. I masturbated with a vibrator but it just took the edge off it temporarily.

Tom and Susan, Jim's mum and dad were around one weekend for dinner when I let fly at Jim for just tipping a drink of water over the table. I really went to town on him, the frustration just boiled over. The look on Susan's face stopped me in my tracks and I ran to the bedroom.

Susan came up two minutes later.

"I'm sorry, I just get so frustrated with him!"

She put her arms around me.

"It's ok, It's ok. I know what you are going through, Jim had a chat with his dad last week, I am here whenever you need anything ok........We went through the same when I was pregnant with Jim and his sister. His dad didn't touch me for months, I hated him for it."

The floodgates burst and I sobbed my heart out. "I need him to still want me Susan, I need to know he still loves me. He won't come near me!"

"He still loves you, just give him time."

"But I need to feel him close to me, I want him to want me like a woman, not like an expectant mum! I need to feel wanted."

I found Susan was easier to talk to than my own mum, she WAS like a mum to me. Susan was only 57 but had wisdom far beyond her years, she knew what to say and when to say it.

Jim and I muddled through and he tried, but I could see his heart wasn't in it as far as a sexual relationship went. He licked or masturbated me but it wasn't enough, I missed the intimacy of having a man inside me. I couldn't confide this to my mum I was too embarrassed to talk of these things to her but I could with Susan. She and I became so close towards the end of my pregnancy when one day I got a call from Tom, he was distraught.

"She's dead, Val, she's dead."

Tom had found Susan on the kitchen floor covered in flour, she had been baking and had had a massive heart attack. It was instant.

"Shit......Stay there, I'll be right there, I'm coming now."

I quickly rang Jim at work, unfortunately he had been called to a site meeting and was unavailable for 2 hours.

I got to Susan and Toms place in 15 minutes, I let myself in and found him swaying on the floor with Susan in his arms. I collapsed into them both holding onto them as we cried together. We sat together and I comforted him for what seemed like hours until my phone rang. Jim was 10 minutes away, he would be here soon. I opened the front door to Jim, he looked as white as a ghost.

"Where is she?"

"In the kitchen with your dad."

Jim pushed past me, when he saw his mum in his dads lap he howled and hit the floor.

I had never seen him this way, he fell apart. I sat on the hallway floor with him as his dad sat with his dead mum. I had his head in my chest as he broke his heart. I felt ashamed as I thought this was the closest I had been to my husband in months, and it took this.

I made the relevant phone calls, the doctor came and declared her dead. Her body was taken away to the sobbing sounds of Tom in the garden.

We decided he should come home with us and I packed a suitcase while Jim took him to ours. I got home 30 minutes after them to find them in silence in our lounge. I made a pot of coffee and took it in.

"Thank you Val, thank you so much for being there with me. I really needed someone with me."

I teared up again, Tom was looking at me like a lost little boy, I went to him taking him in my arms kissing his cheek. I looked over at Jim behind us saying,

"We are here for you as long as you need us."

Jim did his best to smile through the tears as I held his father close to me. We all slept in the lounge that first night, I made another strong pot of coffee the next morning.

"Thank you both but I won't impose any longer."

"Shut up dad, don't be stupid. My house is your house as long as you need it."

I was as proud of Jim at that moment as I ever had been.

We all settled into a week of mourning and just moping around try our best to get on but it was hard. Every now and then one of us would burst into tears doing the most mundane of tasks.

Jim eventually had to go back to his office and left me and Tom alone. I found Tom weeping alone on more than one occasion and went to him and held him. I needed the cuddles with Tom as much as he needed them from me. It felt good to have a man hold me again.

3-4 days of this has its toll, I know it sounds selfish but at least Jim could get out of this situation for 8-9 hours a day. Me and Tom were stuck in it 24 hours a day. The fourth day it changed, I cuddled Tom and he took hold of my face and kissed me.

"Shit...Shit....Sorry, sorry fuck it, I'm sorry."

He looked devastated as he looked at me.

"It's ok, I understand. It's ok I promise."

He wept again, I took his face this time and kissed his tears as they made their way down his cheeks. When I reached his lips I took his face in both of my hands and kissed them gently. We held on to each other and the kisses got stronger. Before we knew it we were on the sofa, I needed the affection and the yearnings of a man that wanted me. I ripped his shirt open, the buttons flew as they were torn from the cotton.

We made love, well not love as such, we fucked madly and frantically, Tom was as good as I had ever had and I needed that cock in me so badly it hurt.

The guilt hit like a bolt of lightning to both of us as soon as the rutting was over. I held my head in my hands and cried, I sobbed and sobbed. I felt like I was going to be sick. I screamed at Tom to get out. Tom made his exit to the garden quietly.

I hated myself for what I just did, but it was what I needed so desperately. But what was I thinking? It was Jim's dad for fuck sake!

I heard him come back in after fifteen minutes, I was waiting for him in the kitchen.

"I am sorry Val, you have been so kind to me and I do that to you. I am so, so, sorry."

I gave a big sigh and said.

"My fault as much as yours."

"I will leave, I can't stay here now. Please don't tell Jim. It would kill him, I can't lose him too not after his mum."

"Wait, stay. We fucked up, BIG time we fucked up but you will not go back to that empty house yet, you hear me we will figure this out."

I took Tom in my arms again and held him.

"This was a one off, a mistake. A mistake we both needed but still a mistake. It must NEVER happen again and we will NEVER speak of it again, Jim must never know of this."

Tom went out for the rest of the day, I was glad because it would've been a very awkward atmosphere with just the two of us here, it gave me some thinking time.

Jim came home around six, Tom was still not back and Jim asked where he was.

"He popped out earlier, he had a few things to do."

"Oh, ok, I'll ring him."

"Dad, where are you it's getting late, your dinner is here waiting."

"Sorry son, I had a few errands to run, flowers and the funeral parlour."

"Oh shit, you should've said, Val would've come with you."

"No worries, it's all sorted."

When Tom came home I was worried sick, would he say anything out of guilt? Would we show it that we had fucked today? I was on edge all night. I went to bed early leaving them downstairs praying Tom would stay quiet. I couldn't stand the guilt. I quietly sobbed into my pillow for hours.

The next morning Jim had gone to work when I walked into the kitchen. Tom was at the kitchen table with a coffee.

"Want one?"

"Yes please, but we need to talk about yesterday."

"I know."

"Tom I love you like my own father but what we did we can never do again."

He gave me that little boy lost look again, it melted my heart, he had tears welling up.

"I am sorry Val, I took advantage of you."

"You didn't, I enjoyed every bit of it I needed that fucking more than you will ever know, but I can't live with doing this to Jim."

Tom replied, "I am sorry, I know it's so wrong but I enjoyed it and I just needed to be close to someone."

"Tom, we are close, TOO close. It was nice to be wanted, I miss that. I need the sex but I miss being wanted by someone."

We did our best to busy ourselves for the rest of the week but I found I wanted him again. The guilt had been overtaken by the lust. I needed to feel a cock between my legs again. The itch was too much and Jim would not scratch that itch.

It was Friday at 11am and Tom had gone to the shops. I ran upstairs as fast as a pregnant lady can to get my favourite vibrator from the draw. I was 10 minutes into my session when the bedroom door opened.

"Oh shit, sorry."

Tom backed out of the door.

"Fuck it, I was sooooo close."

I met a red faced Tom back at the kitchen table.

"Sorry Val, I heard a muffled sound upstairs."

"It's ok, you have seen it before." I said with a grin.

"It's ok honest."

Tom reached out to take my hand. He pulled me in and kissed me again. I kissed him back.

I took his hand and we climbed the stairs to my bedroom. He took me doggy style because I was getting a bit too big now. It felt so good to have a man in me again, how I missed this. We ended up fucking 3-4 times that day and again the next. I felt the pangs of guilt but not as bad as it was, my lust for him had completely taken its place. My itch was being scratched.

The weekend was here and Tom thought it was best to give me and Jim a bit of space. We had a lovely two days before his return to work. We needed it, to have time just us alone was what we needed, he still didn't want me though. It hurt me.

Sunday evening Tom came back, my knees went weak at the sight of him. I hated myself for it but Jim was making this worse by not touching me. I found myself thinking of him all night in bed, I was horny 24/7 and I didn't sleep much that night.

Jim left for work 7am Monday morning. Within five minutes my door creaked open to Tom standing there naked. I looked at his cock standing tall wanting me. As I reached out to him I felt it, my waters break. I flooded the bed.

"Shit, the baby is coming!"

"What, really. NOW!"

"Yes, get Jim!"

Tom ran to get his phone and called Jim. We met him at the hospital. Seven hours later we had a baby girl. Tom was in the delivery room with us as we had her. Unknown to him we had had a conversation about her name.

Jim said. "Say hello to Susan dad."

Tom broke down, we all ended up hugging and crying.

The next day we were all home and we laid Susan in a crib next to our bed. I was as happy as I had ever been in my life. My mum came to help out with whatever she could and Tom stayed with us for a few days but decided it was a bit awkward with mum there. So it was time for us to be left alone to bond with our baby. I missed his company but had mum a couple of hours a day and I had my husband to myself for once.

It was wonderful with just the three of us, I breastfed her for the first few days but became quite sore. I started to try to express my milk but could just take to it. Jim helped as much as he could that first week but he had to get back to work again, when that fucking office called, he jumped.

"Dad, it's Jim. Could you pop into see Val a couple of times this week?"

"Of course, I'd love to." Came the reply.

Susan was 11 weeks old now and napped for 3-4 hours at a time. I usually put her down about midday so she's awake when her dad comes home from work.

Tom came to see us just as I was about to put her down. He came up with me to settle her in bed. As I was putting her in the crib he was behind me touching my ass.

"You shouldn't be doing that."

"I know, but you are so hard to resist seeing you bent over like that. We haven't been together for months you know."

"We can't, I love Jim, we got away with it and were lucky."

"But look what you do to me." He said looking at his crotch.

His trousers were tenting at the front.

"We can't."

"We can, just a quickie, last time ok."

"Fuck sake Tom, I'll give you a blow job but that's it!"

I finished putting Susan to bed and when I turned around he was already laid out on my bed with his trousers and pants gone.

I settled between his legs and took his cock into my mouth, I didn't tell him but I did miss it. He was moaning as I sucked and licked then I heard a sound from the baby monitor. I stopped in my tracks, "SHHHH."

"I think I heard something."

Tom looked up, "I didn't."

"SHHHH."

"Go down and have a look, I am sure I heard something."

Tom put his trousers on and went down.

"Anything?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes, nothing."

Tom came back into the bedroom taking off his trousers.

"Fuck, I thought it was Jim!"

Tom said, "don't worry you know what he is like he won't be here before 6 tonight. Now let me fuck you one last time."

" Oh fuck it ok but last time, this will be the very last time I don't want to get caught, it would kill Jim. Lay down I will get on you so I can control it ok."

I sat onto his cock and...............

"GET OFF HIM!!"

"JIM, JIM. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"

Jim was standing in the doorway, he had a gun pointing at us.

"GET THE FUCK OFF HIM!!"

I jumped to the side of the bed and picked up a pillow to hide behind.

Jim had an expression I had never seen on his face before, it petrified me.

"Son, Son. I-I am.......

Jim was screaming at his dad, I had the pillow to my face, my hands over my ears.

"BANG!" the gun went off, The room flashed with light, the noise was the loudest thing I had ever heard. The bullet had missed me, I looked to my side and Tom was laying lifeless.

"JIM, JIM, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Susan was screaming, I grabbed her to my breast. Jim pointed the gun at us.

"JIM, STOP. PLEASE GOD STOP!"

He was saying something but with the ringing in my ears I couldn't make it out. I looked at Tom on the bed he was dead, his brains were spread over the walls. As I looked back to Jim I saw the gun was pointed at himself.

"NOOOOOOO!"

BANG!

His body flew across the room, not like in the movies. The gun fell where he stood but he hit the wall. Blood and brain matter hit us with such force it went everywhere. Susan was dripping with blood, I was screaming.

The next thing I remember I was sitting on my bedroom floor with someone trying to take my baby from me.

"Please missus, I need to check her."

It was a paramedic trying to help us, I screamed at them,

"FUCK OFF! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

"Please, were here to help."

"Val let them."

It was my neighbour she had heard the shots and called the police and medics.

The medics helped us to the ambulance and took us away..............

I am now living at my mums place with Susan. We had to move 200 miles away because of threats. My dad hates me for what I have done, he won't even look at me when he comes to see his granddaughter and wife. He despises me but tolerates me because he is my dad. They split up after nearly 30 years of marriage because of me. My mum loves me but doesn't understand why I did what I did.

Everyone in the neighbourhood knows I fucked my father in law and what happened, it was well broadcast on the TV news and papers. I got spat on in the street, My life has turned to shit because I couldn't keep my legs together.

I want to die but I can't leave Susan, she will know in time what I did and when she is old enough will hate me most likely want to leave me. I won't be able to keep the truth from her. I killed her dad, the most sweetest, kindest person I had ever met, I loved him and I killed him.

I am dreading the day she is old enough to understand what I did to her family. My actions took her father and grandfather from her. My old house was vandalized with paint weekly by Jim's twin sister Kerry. My mum organized protection for us but in the end I had no choice but to get away. She promised if she saw me she would kill me, and I believe she will.