When Sorrows Come...

"Look Ted," explained John Brock, the National Sales Manager. "If you want to advance, you're going to really have to think about this. You've been with the company for, what, almost fifteen years now? You're a senior sales rep and this is your opportunity to move up. A few years as a trouble-shooting rep. and you'll be in line for a district of your own, and don't forget the twenty percent increase in income you start to draw as soon as you say okay."

"Shit, I know, John. It's just the travel. Barbara will have a fit when she discovers that I will have to be away three days or more a week. She really hates when I have to be away the occasional day or so. What is she going to say when she hears this?" Ted just shook his head.

John nodded, he understood the difficulty of Ted's dilemma. "Okay, Ted. You think about this and talk it over with your wife. She has got to be made to understand how important this decision is; it will affect your future with the firm. Make her understand that."

John sat and looked at Ted's retreating back. He knew Ted's wife. Barbara Arnold was a beautiful woman, still firm and shapely despite her 40 years, but with her physical attributes aside, she was also very strong willed and he knew the battles that ensued in the Arnold household. In fact, he was just a bit surprised that the marriage still worked. Ted was also strong willed and they seemed to clash almost constantly. He felt sorry for what was going to face Ted when he dropped this bit of information at the dinner table.

Ted had a frown of worry and concentration on his face as he returned to his office. He should have been tickled pink at being offered this position, it was a step up the ladder and a nice increase in pay; but he also knew that it was going to provoke a battle at home - or should he say another battle. It seemed that all they did lately was fight. He couldn't understand why they seemed to get on each other's nerves so often lately. He knew that it wasn't always like that. Damn, they were so much in love at one time.

His mind wandered back to the early years after college. He had majored in computer science and had secured a position with a small software outfit that seemed to have a bright future. Barbara Clarke was a blind date arranged by her brother who had been a roommate. He remembered how terrific she looked when he first saw her. He had almost embarrassed himself, standing there tongue-tied. She wore her tawny blond hair almost to her shoulders and her light brown eyes always seemed to twinkle when she talked to him. She was about five inches shorter than his 5' 10' and had a knockout figure. He had no idea what her measurements were, but he did see that she was well endowed on top.

She was a brand new nurse working part time at the ER at Jefferson Medical Center. They went to a small Italian restaurant not far from his favorite hangout, Pat's, King of Steaks. After dinner they strolled the Italian Market. He took her hand as they walked and felt like he was walking on air. After a bit, he drove her home and walked her to the door. He stood, uncertainly, for a bit until she took the initiative and gave him a quick peck on the lips and turned and went into her apartment. Before she closed the door, she smiled and her eyes sparkled.

He was smitten and he realized it. He was old enough and had enough experience with women in his two years in the army and during his accelerated program in college that he didn't mistake this as just an infatuation. They dated and were soon known as the "love birds,"

Their courtship was marred by the one incident that still rankled Ted from time to time. Barbara had told him that she had to work some overtime at the ER and wouldn't be able to see him as planned one evening. Since this did happen from time to time, he gave it no thought and changed his plans from staying in, as he told her he was going to do, to going out for a couple of drinks at one of the local neighborhood bars.

It was with a sense of shock and betrayal that he saw his fiancé snuggled in a corner booth with some guy. Snuggled was an appropriate term as the guy had his arm around her and was turning her face in order to kiss her. Ted could see Barbara's engagement ring as she brought up her hand to rest it on this asshole's shoulder.

Almost without conscious thought Ted moved quickly to them and watched as Barbara looked up and saw him. Color fled her face, she turned ashen and stunned, words obviously failing her. Without a word, Ted took her left hand and smoothly removed the ring from her finger, placed it in his pocket, turned and left.

Barbara frantically attempted to rush after him, but Ted was in his car and gone from the parking area in seconds. Days went by. Ted ignored all calls from his ex-fiancé, refusing to speak to her and vowing to never again see her.

He could never remember being as angry and distraught as he was then. He loved her and she had blatantly betrayed him. He could make no sense of the why of it. Why agree to marry him if she did not intend to be faithful? He knew that in order to retain his sanity he would have to see her, talk to her, find out just why she had done this to them. In this frame of mind he did finally answer her call and agree to see her at her apartment. He wanted the meeting there so that he would have the option to leave at any point that suited him.

It was after 8:00 p.m. that he rang her bell. Barbara opened the door quickly and attempted to throw herself into his arms. He gently held her off and told her to keep away. He saw that she had been crying and that she was pale and drawn.

"Barbara," Ted began quietly. "I'm here only because I need to know why you did this. I need to know that so that I can move on. You have to realize that whatever we had is now gone."

"Nooooooo, Ted, Please, please, just listen, just listen to me. It's not what you think. Just listen, please Ted." Barbara pleaded.

Ted nodded and they moved into the living room. Barbara sat on the couch while Ted very deliberately moved to the chair across from her. He could see how nervous she was, fidgeting and pulling at her sleeve. She looked at him imploringly while he sat impassive.

"Ok, Barbara. I'm listening. Tell me why you lied to me, why you cheated. While you're at it, perhaps you can tell me how many other men you've seen while engaged to me." he said cruelly

"No one, Ted. No one, I swear. Let me explain. The guy I was with was my boyfriend before I met you. Things were getting serious, but I had reservations about my feelings for him. A few months before we met, I told Mark that I really didn't love him and wanted to end our relationship. He became very upset, but finally saw that I meant what I said and left. I later found out that he had moved out of town and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew that I really didn't love him and I didn't want to hurt him.

"He called me a couple of weeks ago and asked me to meet him. I told him that I was now engaged and that he needed to let me be . He seemed genuinely happy for me and pressed me to at least join him for a drink and allow him to properly wish me a happy lifetime with my future husband. I knew that it was wrong, but he begged and begged and I thought, in order to get rid of him already, I would meet him and that would be that. I was afraid to tell you and I thought that I would get this over with and be finished with him."

Barbara was now looking at Ted with pleading in her eyes, silently begging him to understand and to believe her. She vowed to hold nothing back. Ted just sat and listened.

Barbara continued, now lowering her eyes. "I didn't count on him getting tipsy and amorous. If you had watched a bit longer you would have seen that I was trying to get him off of me. He kept asking for a goodby kiss and I told him forcibly that that wasn't going to happen. I was trying to get out of that booth. I knew then that I had made a terrible mistake, that I should never have seen him there in the first place.

"Please, Ted. That's the god-honest truth. I was never unfaithful and I never intended to be unfaithful. I love you, Ted. I do, I do." she now whispered and the tears streamed from her eyes.

Ted's resolve crumbled. He believed her, her explanation was in keeping with what he saw he now realized, and he knew that perhaps he had reacted in too extreme a manner. He rose and took her in his arms. She clung to him and wept into his shoulder. "Oh, Ted. I would never do anything to make you think that of me. Never, Ted. Never," she murmured softly against him.

*******************

They were married a year later. Barbara had gotten her bachelor's degree and now was full time in at the ER. Ted struggled as a sales rep. with the company, knowing the difficulty he he was having trying to sell software that wasn't all that valuable to the business world - it was just too much like much of what was already out there. Ted continued and intensified his efforts and they managed with their two salaries until Barbara discovered that she was pregnant.

She resigned from the center to have the child, a boy that they named Andrew. They struggled in their small apartment, but were happy and content despite Ted's almost futile efforts to make more than just a living. They sat and talked and came to a mutual decision to have another baby as soon as possible. They had both wanted two children and wanted them as close in age as possible. They both knew that money was going to be a problem, but they both felt that this was something that they both really wanted.

That was when fate intervened and the software company that Ted had applied to before landing his present position contacted him. It seemed that he had gotten an excellent reputation in the field for both his expertise as well as being well liked as a friendly and sincere person. He was offered a sales territory in the area and he jumped at the chance. He was very familiar with the products that his new company offered and he knew that his income was going to change dramatically. He was right. The Arnold's money problems became a minor blip on their screen for awhile.

After the birth of Julie, two years after Andrew, they decided that it was time to move and the purchased a relatively large four bedroom, two and a half bath home with a two car garage. One interesting plus to the house was that the previous owner had built a large room with a half bath over the garage that he had used as a study. There was a door at the end of the hallway on the second floor of the house that led directly into the study as well as a flight of stairs from the study down into the garage. Ted thought that this would be perfect for his office and quickly appropriated the space. He purchased an L shaped desk and moved his computer, file cabinets and all of his paperwork in. They had decided on new living room furniture so the old sofa bed and easy chair went into the garage office as well.

The only problem that continued to plague them was that while Ted's income improved significantly and continued to improve as the years went by, their expenses also mounted until it seemed that they were living from paycheck to paycheck. Very little was put aside for emergencies or savings.

Money problems, while not dangerously urgent, still nagged at both Ted and Barbara and slowly became a bone of contention. From arguments about money, they proceeded to disagree about other things - idiotic, silly things that previously were never even discussed.

Ted had become more conservative politically and Barbara was a volunteer for liberal candidates. Barbara began to slowly avoid meat and built meals around vegetables or fish, which Ted abhorred. They had even started to argue about the kids. Barbara thought that Ted was too lenient with them and Ted thought that Barbara tended to be a mite too strict.

The occasional disagreement slowly escalated into frequent bickering until it was an almost integral part of their relationship. It was a slow, insidious process, but they went from "love birds" to the battling Arnolds. Fortunately, the love that they shared was real as was the foundation upon which they had built their marriage, but the frequent spats were worrisome and tested that love.

That night after dinner Ted broached the topic of his promotion. Barbara just looked at him and asked, "Okay, what's the catch? I know that there's always a catch."

Ted sighed and told her. "I'll have to be away at least three days a week, visiting sites around the country. But remember, there will be an immediate twenty percent raise in pay and I'll be in line for my own district in about three to four years."

Barbara's lips had tightened. "At least three days a week away from home, huh? You thought that I would buy that? Why don't you just agree to be away for seven days a week? What kind of marriage is that? We might as well not be married at all. This is bullshit, Ted and I can't understand how you would even consider it. I'll tell you right now that I won't agree to it."

Ted's eyes had narrowed and he felt his head start to pound. Even though he knew that this dispute was coming, he found it difficult to control his temper. "Look, Barbara. We've been trying to get a second mortgage to finance Andy's college tuition. Did you ever stop to think how we're going to manage paying that off? And, Julie will be ready for college in a couple of years. Where's the money going to come from for that? Bitch all you want to, I'm taking the job." and he turned and left the room leaving Barb to stew.

Ted knew that she would eventually come around. She was an intelligent woman and she would realize that he really didn't have an option. They needed the money and he wanted to continue to climb the career ladder in the company. Barbara did come around, but things were a little strained in the Arnold household for awhile.

They tiptoed around each other for a few weeks until things settled down, but things just never seemed the same. It was a bit strange, while things were a bit cool, the fights seemed to have almost disappeared. In place of the passionate arguments, their conversations were cool and almost formal, as if they were acquaintances, not man and wife. Even the little gestures of affection had vanished. Eventually, a degree of calmness returned to the Arnold house, but they were both aware that things were just not the same.

************************

Weeks turned into months and almost two years had gone by since Ted had accepted the new position. Julie Arnold had graduated from high school and had been accepted to the same college that Andy attended. Ted's salary had continued to grow and money wasn't the pressing concern it had been in the past. Yet, Ted was uneasy and unhappy. He and Barbara seemed to have entered into a strange phase in their marriage. They were cordial and friendly to each other. The arguments had virtually disappeared. But Ted realized also that the passionate love that they had shared had ebbed. Even their love making seemed to have become mechanical and accomplished by rote. Barbara seldom seemed to have an orgasm and also appeared to be a reluctant bed partner at best. Ted was discouraged and eventually just lost interest in approaching his wife sexually. Intimacy between the two had virtually disappeared.

**********************

Barbara sat in Ann's kitchen, both sipping on mugs of coffee. Ann was concerned about Barb's appearance. She looked drawn and wan and seemed unusually quiet.

"Ok, Barb. Enough is enough, tell me what's going on. You obviously have a lot on your mind. Is it about your marriage?"

"Why do you automatically think it's my marriage, Ann? Why does everyone always think it's my marriage?" exclaimed Barb.

Ann took a breath and shook her head. "Barb," she said softly. "I almost always think it's your marriage because it almost always is about your marriage. You know what everyone says about you two, they call you the battling Arnolds and there's a reason for it."

Barbara head sagged and she was silent for a moment. "Ann, I've known you for over almost fifteen years, ever since we moved into this community. You and Dave have been our closest friends and we were also shattered when Dave passed away. But, I've always been jealous of you. You and Dave had such a loving relationship. The love that you shared was so evident every time I looked at the two of you."

Barbara now had tears in her eyes. "Why, Ann. Why can't Ted and I get along. It's been like this for years now. We just rub each other the wrong way. Ann, we don't have knock down, drag out fights anymore, and you'd think that would be a good thing. But it seems to be even worse now. We treat each other like casual friends. It just seems that Ted doesn't give a damn if we stay together or split up and I'm really afraid that's where we're headed."

Barbara looked up at Ann and colored. "Ann," she whispered. "We don't even make love anymore. He just stopped and even before that it was just so.....so....impersonal, I guess is the best word to describe it.. It was like.... by the numbers. I just wonder if Ted is having an affair; that really wouldn't surprise me at this point. In fact, I feel it in my bones, it's just a matter of time before I find out that I'm right."

Ann looked at her friend sympathetically. She could intellectualize Barb's angst, but could never really internalize it; she couldn't fathom a marriage that wasn't caring and loving. "Barb," she said softly. You know that you're going to have to do something or you'll be looking at a sad road ahead of you."

"I know, Ann. I'm not sure yet what to do, but I think that things will be soon coming to a head and we'll just have to see what happens. But enough about me, tell me what's been happening to you. I haven't even talked to you in days."

Ann hesitated before answering. She didn't want to further sadden Barbara with her good news, but decided to share. "Barb, I met someone and I think that I can really care for him."

Barbara's smile was sincere. "Hell, that's absolutely great, Ann. It's been four years and you haven't even had a real date. Tell me all about him, dish the dirt, gal."

"Well, his name is Matt Weeks and he's the new Director of Personnel at work. He was transferred in to take the place of Doris who retired recently. He had also lost a spouse so I guess we're kindred spirits. Anyway, we've been talking and he asked me out for dinner on Wednesday and I accepted. I think I really like him, Barb." and she colored as she admitted this.

Barb was enthusiastic. "That's such great news, honey. We have to get you all spiffed up for this date. We'll make an appointment for the beauty parlor for Tuesday. Let's get our hair cut, we both wear it too long anyway. And I have the perfect dress for you; we have the same measurements and we're both about the same height. You've got to wear this dress, it'll make you look terrific and I have the shoes to match."

Ann giggled, "Damn, I feel like a schoolgirl. It's just a date, Barb. It's not like I'm getting engaged or anything."

"Who knows where this could go, Ann. The thing is for you to look your best. Don't worry about a baby sitter, I'll be here and look after your girls. They're getting almost old enough so that you won't have to worry about a sitter soon anyway. I want you to just go and enjoy yourself, you certainly deserve it," Barbara bubbled.

*******************

That evening Ted mentioned to his wife that the annual company Christmas party was being held in a couple of weeks at the downtown Marriott. "Why don't you go out and splurge on a new dress and stuff," Ted suggested. "It's been awhile since we've been out to a bash and I think that we would both enjoy outselves."

Barb's eyebrows went up a bit. "This was a bit unusual for Ted," she thought to herself. "We haven't gone to one of these company parties in awhile. Does he have some ulterior motive? I wonder if there's someone he wants to see at this party? Well, two can play at this game."