Trust

Losing Trust

How do you begin to trust again after being burned?

I was in love. She was my wife and I thought she was my best friend. Debbie and I were married for six years when I found out it was all an illusion.

We were living in Portland at the time, Debbie had recently taken a job as an internal auditor with the largest real estate firm in the city, I was in sales for a national machine tools manufacturer. Given my product line, it was rare for me to be downtown; most of my clients were in the burbs or outlying areas in Western Oregon, but this day found me in the city with an extra two hours on my hands.

I called Debbie, asked her to lunch and was disappointed when she told me that she had to finish a spreadsheet before an important meeting that afternoon. I didn't want to waste the opportunity so I went over to Jake's for a bowl of their crawfish Etouffée. I was enjoying the nut brown sauce over rice listening to the table of ladies behind me and wondering how they do it. All four women seemed to be talking at the same time. It wasn't the first time I'd witnessed this phenomenon and it always puzzled me, men can't do that.

I sat there smiling to myself while trying to understand how anyone could comprehend the gibberish when something one of the ladies said registered in my head; I wasn't the only person intrigued by the lady's question because the other three women at the table stopped talking at once.

"So is Deborah Miller doing the dirty with Simon Walker?"

This question got my instant attention because my wife's given name is Deborah; she uses that name in her professional life, only family and friends call her Debbie; and Miller is the name she shares with me since we married (I'm Mark Miller, by the way).

One of the ladies asked, "Why, what do you know?"

The first answered, "I was sitting in Deborah's office when she took a call from her husband. She refused his invitation by making some excuse about working through her lunch hour. Five minutes later Simon sticks his head in her office and asks if she's ready to head out. She nodded her head to Simon then turned red as she looked back at me; obviously embarrassed I had heard her lie to her husband."

My heart sank at her words, but my ears stayed tuned as the other ladies continued this stream of gossip.

"It didn't take Simon long to sink his fangs into another married woman did it? Deborah's only been in the office for a month."

"And it's only been two months since Heidi Johnson quit. I heard her husband forced her to quit after he learned about her affair with Simon. Can you imagine a mother with two preschoolers falling for Simon's bag of lies? What's his secret?"

"You mean besides those big blue eyes, the Ryan Gosling face and from what I heard, the rather large package down below?"

All four women started to laugh. I'd heard enough so I paid my bill with cash and walked out to my car. The rest of the day was kind of a blur; trying to figure out how I was going to confirm my worst fears. If Debbie was screwing this asshole, we were finished. So now, do I hire a PI to have her followed or were there other means to this end?

For the hell of it I called Debbie's office and pretended to be a vendor. The receptionist kindly told me that Ms. Miller was out and would return at 2:00. So much for keeping my fingers crossed that the gossip was groundless.

When Debbie came home that evening I did my best to act normal, although I almost lost it when she apologized for not being able to have lunch with me. She even had the nerve to kiss my cheek as she made her apologies. She asked if I would mind fixing dinner because she wanted to soak in the tub for a while before we sat down for dinner. She poured herself a glass of wine and headed to the master bath.

This was probably her way of removing the evidence, coming home and taking a shower would be too obvious; Debbie was smart enough to use the soaking tub as her camouflage. How many other nights had she used this subterfuge?

I quickly fixed a salad and tray of cheese and crackers, then headed up to the bath. I stripped my clothes in the bedroom and walked into the bathroom buck naked. Debbie nearly jumped out of her skin when I walked into the bathroom and started to enter the tub.

"Mark, what are you doing, trying to scare me to death?"

"Well, if you remember Deb, I live here too. Just thought we could share the hot water."

Debbie has a 'tell' when she lies or needs a moment to answer a question. She doesn't know she has it and I've never mentioned it to her. I've seen it from time to time, just last week I saw her 'tell' when a good friend of ours asked Debbie if she liked her new hair style. Debbie blinked twice, then told her friend she "absolutely" adored it.

Debbie gave her 'tell' before answering me. "I was just getting out because I'm absolutely starving. Is dinner ready?" (You may have guessed, Debbie's other tell is using words such as 'absolutely'.)

Before Debbie could wrap the towel around her I did my best to look her over. No tell-tale bite marks, etc. and I couldn't get a good look at her shaved crotch without being obvious. As the water was draining out of the tub I thought about taking a sample of the water and having it analyzed for sperm, but didn't have a clue how to do that.

Catching Debbie turned out to be incredibly simple. That night I downloaded a self-publicated book titled, "The Amateur Detective - Catching the Cheating Spouse" on my Kindle. It only took me a couple hours to read the broad strokes and the next morning I finished two tasks while Debbie was in the shower. I first checked Debbie's calendar on her smart phone. Yesterday at noon Debbie had blocked out two hours with a note "Work thru lunch." I noticed the previous Thursday had the same two hours blocked out with the same notation. How tricky of her.

The second task was to download a tracking app on her phone. This was way too easy and after I thought about it, I checked my phone. Son-of-a-bitch; my phone had a similar app on it. I quickly removed the app from Debbie's phone; no sense tipping my hand too soon. I kept the app on my phone, this could prove useful later on.

You read stories about guys acting normal while waiting to get the evidence of a cheating wife, but you can't believe how difficult this is until you try it. For the next five days I did my best to be the loving husband, even screwing her a few times over the weekend; although I didn't get near her cunt with my mouth, no way was that ever happening again after some other guy's cock has been in there.

Every morning I checked her calendar; Tuesday morning proved to be the day. There was a note between noon and two, "work thru lunch." After breakfast I drove to my office and did my best to get something done. On the way to work I picked up a drop phone from Walmart. At 11:00 am I forwarded my regular phone to my new drop phone and left the regular phone on my desk. If Debbie checked the tracking app she installed on my phone, it would show me sitting twenty miles away from her office. If she called me, I could answer on the drop phone.

I got downtown with fifteen minutes to spare and settled in at the Starbucks across from her office building. Right at noon she walked out of the front doors with a man - damn, he did look like Ryan Gosling. I left the Starbucks to follow them. It may sound hokey, but following the advice from the book I was wearing a baseball cap, sunglasses and had a small stone in my right shoe to change my stride. None of this mattered because the two love birds were only paying attention to each other as they walked hand in hand one block into the lobby of the Hotel Vintage.

I figured I had almost two hours so I went across the street to the bank and started to move some money, close our mutual credit card accounts and the home equity account. Debbie and I also had credit cards in each of our own names; she wouldn't know about the closed accounts until later when it wouldn't matter.

I also called my company's law firm and got a reference for a divorce attorney. Called her office and had an appointment for the next afternoon. With a half hour to spare I was back in the hotel lobby.

I was waiting in the lobby, trying to act inconspicuous while pretending to read the Wall Street Journal but actually watching the elevator doors when the two of them came down. I stood up.

"Debbie!"

Debbie stared at me with a shocked look on her face.

"Mark, God no!"

Simon was ready to act the hero because he stepped between me and Debbie and started to say something about being careful as he put his hand out like some damn traffic cop. I guess Debbie forgot to tell him about the boxing classes I take because he didn't seem to be ready when my fist entered his gut just below his solar plexus. He went down and actually pissed his pants.

Debbie just stood there, still moving her mouth like some damn fish. Before she could get any words out of it, I told her, "Might as well keep the room for the night, because I don't want you coming home tonight and probably ever again."

Unfortunately, right after I arrived home that afternoon a squad car pulled up and when I answered the door, I was cuffed and taken down to the Multnomah County jail and booked for assault. Simon had pressed charges. I ended up spending the night in jail before I was released the next day on my own reconnaissance. When I went back home it was apparent that Debbie had been at the house because most everything small and of any value, including the watch my father left me when he died, had been removed. I checked the closet and Debbie's clothes were gone as well - good riddance. I still had time to take a shower and make it to my appointment with the attorney.

Over the next three months the following occurred, not in any particular order.

The charges against me were dropped because I was lucky that the clerk behind the registration desk told the police Simon had advanced on me and she saw him raise his hand. To her it looked like he was ready to attack me. I think she was one of those people who are happy to see any skunk screwing a married woman get his just reward. She didn't actually lie, just interpreted Simon's actions to my benefit.

I only communicated with Debbie through our attorneys; she tried the "can't we make this work?" routine. I held firm with "no" and the divorce papers went through the system. When I refused to agree to counselling Debbie went nuclear and tried to get over half our community property, alimony, etc. My post-Debbie luck was holding out because my attorney argued that even though we lived in a no-fault state that I shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of her actions. The judge was swayed.

My attorney used a unique approach; she brought up that although Debbie had the opportunity to write her own vows, she had agreed to the traditional vows which included "forsaking all others," therefore I had an expectation of fidelity. Second, we had the deposition from Debbie's coworker of the conversation in Debbie's office when she refused my invitation to lunch to have "lunch" with Simon. Third, and you could have heard a pin drop when it came up in court; Debbie's removal of my father's watch while I was in jail. The judge tried her best to keep a neutral face when she heard this testimony, but it obviously made an impact on her. Even Debbie's attorney cringed when the statement was read in court.

I got my divorce and my watch back. Debbie and I split everything we had accumulated during the marriage and she didn't receive any alimony. Debbie did ask for one more thing and it was granted. She asked for a sit down with me before the final papers were signed, sealed and delivered. What the hell, I agreed if only out of curiosity.

So we sat down at her attorney's office and she started the crap about how much she loved me, how sorry she was that she fell into Simon's trap and how she thought we were a great couple with a wonderful future.

When I had heard enough, I decided to bluff. "Debbie, tell me about the others."

Debbie blinked twice before answering, "Mark, I've absolutely never been with any other man since we've been together."

I shook my head, "Goodbye Debbie."

That must have really pissed off Debbie because three weeks later I received a CD in the mail. It's hard to believe, I always thought Debbie was a fairly intelligent woman, but the CD contained a sex tape of Debbie and Simon. It started with a fully dressed Debbie looking straight into the camera.

"Mark, this one's for you; eat your heart out."

The next scene was a naked Debbie giving Simon a very sloppy blow job. I must admit Simon did have a rather large cock, so maybe that was her reason for getting something on the side. Anyway, Debbie was always good at giving head and this was probably taped after our divorce so I decided to watch two good looking people have sex.

Debbie worked for five minutes or more trying to get the whole cock down her throat; like so many amateur pornos this one was just starting to get boring when she eased off the thing. The resolution was excellent, I could even see the string of saliva and pre-cum from the head of his cock to her lips as they repositioned on the end of the bed to sit on his lap with both of them facing the camera. Simon was obviously an active participant in the filming, but I'm guessing he didn't know she was planning to send the finished results to me even though she addressed the camera every once and a while. Some guys can't help but think with the wrong head.

Debbie's a rather slight woman, she can't weigh more than 115 pounds on a 5'8" frame and a good deal of her weight has to be in those gorgeous C cup breasts. She was sitting in Simon's lap with his cock in front of her, it reached up to her belly button.

"Now watch this."

She raised up a put the mushroom head between the lips of her cunt and started a slow descent onto his shaft. Damn - this was good stuff. Somebody is going to enjoy this show.

Once she got three-quarters of that cock stuffed inside she stopped and bit her lower lip. She raised back up and began pumping up and down. Meantime, Simon's hands were on Debbie's breasts and his fingers were pinching her nipples. Debbie is looking at the camera, her lower lip in between her teeth and it didn't take her more than a couple of minutes before she came. The orgasm was anything but subtle, her body was shaking, she rose up one last time and Simon's cock was now glistening with Debbie's cum and when Debbie collapsed the entire thing entered her. You could hear Simon on the audio grunting. Damn - this was great stuff.

It took Debbie a minute to recover and when she lifted herself off Simon's cock a shitload of their combined cum ran out of her cunt. Debbie looked at the camera and blew me a kiss.

The entire video only lasted fifteen minutes but it was one of the hottest fifteen minutes of porn I'd seen so I thought it should be shared. I opened an account on Tumblr titled "Debbie Does Simon" and posted the video on the site. The site was getting a couple hundred hits every day and a great deal of "Likes" before I took it down.

I seriously considered sending links to the site to Debbie's parents, friends and employer, but in the end I decided to de-escalate the war. I never told Debbie about the Tumblr account, but I did send her an email warning that any more such videos would find their way to her father's computer screen. Debbie actually replied with an apology and the lame explanation that she was still hurt how it all ended and was trying to make me jealous. She promised to stop.

I'm a pretty stoic guy; I'm certain most people who know me even consider me a bit cold. After the divorce and even after watching the video I didn't cry, spend a week drunk or consider eating my gun. I was sad, after all Debbie was my best friend for the six years we'd been married.

Her betrayal did remove any trust I had in other people. If you start to think people are untrustworthy, you start to see it in your everyday dealings with people. In my college psychology class I'm fairly certain they called it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now when a bartender or sales clerk gave me change for a ten instead of my twenty, I figured they were trying to cheat me. Little things like that turned me into a cynic. My job in sales didn't help either because it's such a dog-eat-dog environment.

As for women, I went through the normal routine of chasing skirts and hanging out at bars. Kind of a lonely existence.

Until I met Becky.

A year after my divorce I met Becky at a dinner party given by some clients. Becky was beautiful; with green eyes, blond hair, a body that belonged on the cover of a Victoria's Secret catalog and best of all, the personality of a woman you're proud to take home to meet your family. Her smile and laugh could light up a room, they certainly lit me up. I did everything I could at that dinner party to be the most charming and the most interesting man in the world, I could have sold Mexican beer that evening. Now if I could only sell myself to this lady.

As we were getting ready to call it a night I approached Becky and asked if I could take her to dinner the following weekend.

"How can I say no?" she asked, "You worked so hard tonight to make me want to say yes, that effort should be rewarded."

"That obvious?"

"Yes, but I think it's cute. I also asked our hostess what she thought of you and she said you had potential, so let's go out next Friday and find out."

After two months of dating we decided to become exclusive, but didn't rush things, we kept our separate residences although we were together four or five nights a week. Every one of my friends fell in love with her. Best of all, I was starting to fall in love with Becky and felt she might be falling in love with me.

The sex started just after pledging exclusivity. A gentleman shouldn't kiss and tell, but without going into detail let me say that it was the best sex in my life up to that point. Nothing was off limits for her, as long as it was limited to what two people could do with one another.

I will share one thing and only because this is more embarrassing to me than it is to her. Becky absolutely loved getting oral sex. If you've ever seen the Japanese movie, "In the Realm of the Senses" you have some idea; there's a scene in the movie where the guy eats a hard-boiled egg out of the geisha's vagina. I never ate an egg, but we did experiment with cherries, chocolate, whipped cream and a variety of desserts.

Now the embarrassing part; one night Becky asked me to eat her after I came in her. I was hesitant, but given some of the things she did for me, thought I should at least give it a try. I swirled some bourbon in my mouth before, during and after, that might have had something to do with Becky having an incredible series of orgasms. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be because it was my own sperm, but I drew the line one night when she offered me a snowball after I came in her mouth.

In and out of bed, we had fun. Yes, I was starting to think this could be my ticket to happiness and then the bottom dropped out.

My clue that something may be wrong occurred one day when Becky and I took an early afternoon off from our respective jobs and were hanging out having a beer. Becky's phone rang, she looked at the read out and ignored the call. This wasn't like her, she usually would answer calls and tell whomever she would call them back later. After my cluelessness with Debbie, I was now more observant and suspicious. I wasn't going to play the part of the happy cuckold again.

Later that evening I had the opportunity to grab her phone and look at the call listings. At 3:30 she missed a call from someone listed on her contacts as "JR." Looking through the call log I found a few calls between the two of them. I next accessed Becky's calendar and found she was scheduled to meet a JR at 1:00 the following day. Time to find my baseball cap, sunglasses and shoe stone again.