I hate Halloween. I have always thought it was a stupid holiday that was born more of greed than anything else. In my opinion, the whole Halloween thing is just like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. They were all created by the retail industry to sell more products. The unintended consequence has been the desensitization of millions of people to what is really important. But this is simply my opinion. Sitting in my favorite bar, enjoying a cold beer and a hamburger, I barely acknowledge that Halloween is approaching. This will be the first anniversary of the Halloween where I got tricked and sure as hell didn't get any treats.
To fully understand what happened, a little background is important. Eight years ago, I married Lisa Simpson. We stood together in front of several hundred people in a beautiful church and pledged our vows to one another. For the next 7 years, life was idyllic. We were both in our mid-twenties, college educated, with good jobs.
The first Halloween that we celebrated as husband and wife was an eye-opening experience for me. Suddenly, our condo became spook central. I mean, it was almost traumatic for a person like me who thrives on simplicity and order in their life. The condo transformed into a Halloween hot spot. Our roommates became an assortment of ghouls, goblins, and ghosts. Fake cobwebs hung everywhere and no matter where you moved in the condo, a motion sensitive creation of some sort, jumped, banged, or emitted ghastly howls and groans with flashing LED eyes.
Three years later, we purchased our first home and moved from the condo. The first Halloween in our home was another eye-opening experience. My wife went full bore in Halloween mode. The entire front of our house suddenly transformed into a collection of every Halloween yard display available. That was also the year that we hosted our first Halloween party. Parties are not in my repertoire. I don't like crowds, and I am not a social person. I much prefer to be at home, in my space, to dealing with a bunch of drunk assholes. My wife, on the other hand, finds these types of social engagements energizing and exciting. Typically, I go to these events and come home mentally and physically drained, while she comes home from the same event wound up like a two-day clock, hyped and wired.
Every year, when Halloween rolled around, things escalated. The decorations became more elaborate and more expensive. The parties became more numerous and, in my view, more demanding and exhausting. However, I loved my wife and I knew that showing at least a little interest in her fascination with Halloween would mean a happier year. You know the drill. Happy wife, happy life.
Last year, things changed. I thought the changes were for the best when I first heard about them. My wife still insisted on decorating the interior and exterior of the house. Again, there were new decorations. I plodded through getting everything out and arranging it to her specifications. I fully expected to host another party but was pleasantly surprised when Lisa announced that instead of holding a party, we were going to the community wide Halloween bash at the local convention center. She had purchased VIP tickets to the event. Even the $150 per ticket seemed well worth the expense to me, since I didn't have to prepare for the party or clean up afterward. The fact that the tickets got us dinner and an open bar all evening did nothing to dampen my enthusiasm.
Since it was Halloween, of course, this was a costume event. I anticipated doing my usual and finding some cheap adult costume at the local discount supercenter. My wife was having none of that. She was quick to inform me that she would take care of the costumes. When she told me that, I shrugged and forgot about finding a costume.
Two days before the big event, Lisa was bubbling over with excitement. I knew she would start anticipating the event days before it actually occurred, but even I was surprised at her level of excitement. But, if she was happy, I was happy.
Halloween fell on a Saturday that year. The community wide party was held on Saturday evening. Lisa spent most of the day with a grin on her face and literally bouncing around our house. I was content. That afternoon, when she brought out our costumes, I was surprised. Lisa had gone all out and rented theatrical grade costumes for each of us. When she walked into the den with mine, to say I was surprised was an understatement.
Holding the costume on the hanger above her shoulder, Lisa proudly displayed a full Batman costume. I knew I could pull it off. I am 6'5" and played college ball as an offensive tackle. My weight is about 30 pounds lighter than my playing weight, but I am still in excellent shape. The costume had a padded and fitted bodysuit to add a little bulk. I looked at it and smiled.
"That's great. It looks hot, but that shouldn't be a problem. Where's yours?"
I saw the evil grin cross her face.
"You will see it tonight when we leave for the party. And, I think you will be hot in that costume."
I nodded, appreciating the double entendre and the look on her face.
"I'll put your costume in the guest room. You can change there. I will be in our bedroom getting ready. No peeking."
I agreed and settled back into my recliner. The Dallas Cowboys were playing the Houston Oilers in their annual cross state rivalry game. I forgot about the party as I watched the two teams battle. When the game was over, I headed back upstairs to change for the party. The door to our bedroom was closed, and I could hear the shower running. With a grin, I headed to the guestroom to don my costume.
Waiting downstairs in full Batman regalia, I looked in the mirror in the entry hall. I had to admit that the costume was great. It was authentic down to the last detail on the utility belt. The downside was the extra padding in the costume that would make it hot, and the heavy latex hood and mask were tight on my face and head. My thought was that a few drinks would alleviate the discomfort and make the evening much more enjoyable.
Admiring myself in the mirror, I heard Lisa open our bedroom door. I turned to watch as she came down the stairs. Before I could see more than her lower legs, I knew this was going to be exciting. I saw a pair of thigh - high leather boots (well. The boots looked like leather anyway.) The heels on the boots had to be at least 5 and maybe 6 inches. As Lisa came down the stairs, I beheld a latex bodysuit that looked like it had been applied with a spray gun.
My reaction was immediate. The bodysuit of my costume immediately got much tighter as my erection ballooned. When Lisa was in full view, I noticed that she was covered in latex to the top of her head. The costume she wore included a full latex head mask complete with two long braided ponytails hanging down each side.
