To Have and to Cucold

Brief Synopsis of Part 1:

Josh's mind travels back to the past to when he met the alluring Naomi. He recounted the beginning of their unique relationship. She told him that she did not want a conventional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, yet she wanted to spend time with him. She admitted that she enjoyed the freedom to have multiple sexual partners. While she acknowledged that she had some feelings for him, she was not willing to relinquish that freedom to be with him.

He agreed to be with her on her terms, though he sensed that this choice would cost him.

In the present, he is still reeling from Naomi's betrayal of their marriage as he tries to collect himself. He is disgusted with himself for "hiding" in his sister's basement as he tries to come to grips with what his marriage is. He does not know how it all went to shit, but he realizes that he is not the innocent victim.

Yet there are many unanswered questions...

TO HAVE AND TO CUCKOLD PART 2

PRESENT DAY

- September 2015

"Listen Naomi. You have to stop calling here. He doesn't want to speak to you. When he's ready, he will call you."

"Yes, I know that it's been a week. But..."

"Listen, you hurt him pretty bad. I know that your marriage with my brother is a bit...unconventional. But whatever you two have going is not working. Now, he didn't tell me exactly what was going on... (She was lying. I spent my first three hours in her house blubbering like an idiot)...but I do know that he hasn't moved out of that basement all week long. So whatever it is that you did to him hurt him a lot."

"Yes. I will tell him that you love him. And I'll make sure that he takes his insulin."

"Yes. I promise Naomi. He's been diabetic all of his life. I was making sure he took his insulin shots long before he met you. I know how to take care of him."

"No, he's not eating, but..."

"Stop yelling at me! Of course I know what that could do to his sugars. But I can't force food down his throat."

"Yes, he is stubborn. He gets that from dad."

"Okay Naomi. You have my word that I will make sure he eats, even if I have to slingshot food into his mouth. Now calm down before Henry thinks something is wrong. Josh is gonna be okay. I promise."

"Okay. Tell my nephew that I love him. And I'll make sure Josh calls him. But you need to give him space."

"Take care. Bye."

That is the conversation that I overheard – at least Trina's half of it. She must have been in the kitchen when she was talking to Naomi, because that is the only place I can hear conversations that clearly from upstairs. Moments later the door opens and Trina descends the stairs with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an apple.

"I'm not hungry Trina."

"Too bad. I promised your wife that you wouldn't go into a diabetic coma while you hide out here, so this is me fulfilling that promise."

"What happened to you kicking her ass?"

Trina shrugged her shoulders. "What can I say? I can't help but like her. No matter what kind of fucked up shit she has going on in that brain of hers, she loves you. I have never seen or heard her be this distraught."

This irritated me. She's MY sister! She's supposed to be on my side. She's not supposed to like Naomi.

"Of course you like her. EVERYONE likes her. Naomi is so God damned special. Fuck her. So what, I'm supposed to feel bad for her? She's the reason why we're suffering."

Trina shook her head. "You keep telling yourself that."

The look on my face said it all, but Trina is like Naomi in many ways. She does not back down from saying what she feels, and she will be honest with you no matter how you feel about it. The reason why those two get along so well is because they have so much in common.

"You can sit here and feel bad for yourself. Poor little Josh. He has the wife who cheats on him. But you forget that you had a part in this shit. The two of you even turned it into some kind of game. So when you are done being the victim, maybe you can get off of your ass and out of my basement and take your life back."

"SHE BROKE THE FUCKING RULES!" My abrupt change from talking softly to practically yelling so loud that the windows shook jarred my sister slightly. She recovered quickly though.

"Okay. Now what. You just gonna hide here? Crawl away from the big bad wife with your tail between your legs. Maybe it's time that you maned up Josh!"

"Maybe it's time you go to hell Trina!"

Fucking women. Fuck them all.

*******************

BACK TO THE PAST -

March 2006

Naomi and I went along with our "relationship that wasn't a full relationship". I don't know how she thought about us in her mind, but it looked to me like she was my girlfriend. We spent most of our time together. We either stayed at her apartment or at mine. We ate lunch together, went to the movies, even hung out with my sister and my niece and nephew. Trina and Naomi even grew close. Seeing that they were so similar, it would be hard to imagine them not getting close.

At this time my sister didn't know the unique nature of my relationship with Naomi. She assumed we were conventional boyfriend and girlfriend, as did everyone else.

No one - except me - witnessed the number of times my heart broke when I would call her and have her text me back:

Can't talk now. Have company. Call u later. XOXOXO

I tried to put on a brave face. I really did. But when she would call me the next day acting like nothing happened, I burned with questions.

Who was he? How long have you known him? Was he better than me?

I tried to inquire about her dates, but she shut that down quickly and entirely. She told me that she would never discuss what she did with other guys, just like she never told them what she did with me. All I needed to know was that if she did choose to bed them, they wore a condom.

Despite having the freedom to have other partners, I didn't. Trust me, it wasn't like I was saving myself for Naomi. I knew where I stood on that front. I even grew to a sort of acquiescence about it. Sort of. It still hurt, but the pain was dulled over time.

The reason I didn't have other partners was mostly a matter of opportunity. There are times in every guy's life when he simply doesn't have opportunities to have sex. It doesn't matter how good looking he is. If he is selective at all, he will have times when the type of women that he is attracted to aren't available to be picked up. I wasn't one to just jump into bed with anything that has a vagina attached to it. There is a certain...physique...that I go for. Simply put, I don't fuck fat ugly chicks. I know that's wrong to say - out loud – but I do have my standards. Shallow or not, it's how I am.

So I could have gone out to get laid by the first available girl. Unfortunately, in the real world, women who look like Naomi don't just drop their panties at a moment's notice to stroke a guy's bruised ego. That only happens in stories in the loving wives section of Literotica. In the real world, the women that would be up for that don't have a lot of men lined up.

So sadly it was just Naomi and me. And whoever else she was fucking. Until...

You didn't think my life was going to be a complete shit sandwich, did you? Until I met Mel.

I just have one to say about Mel. Fitness model. Get the picture?

Naomi had sex appeal that seeped from her pores, but Mel was just fucking Viagra. Everything about her seemed to ask the question, "Is your dick hard yet". She had a tattoo that stretches across her left ribcage and went down to waist. She had another tat on her back that reached up to her neck. Her third tat was on her right calf. Now, I'm not that big into tattoos, but God damn they looked good on her! For those of you who have seen "Orange is the New Black" think the sex appeal of Ruby Rose, but on a body shaped like Nicole Scherzinger.

Her body was slim and toned all over. Her arms, her stomach, her thighs, her ass (Oh my God!). She was physical perfection of such a thing existed.

I later found out that she'd modeled in a couple of exercise infomercials. She was even in a couple of those work out DVD's as a background woman doing the exercises. On top of that, she taught a yoga class on Saturday mornings.

I first saw her in a club. Ironically, it was on a night that Naomi was entertaining company. I went out with a couple of friends and saw her on the dancefloor. She moved like she owned the music. The floor was her playground. She commanded attention. I honestly don't think she could have been any sexier if she had a large python wrapped around her.

She would dance with girls, guys, whoever came up to her. I saw a few of the guys coping feels, but she didn't push them away or stop them. It was like running your hands over her shapely ass and flexing thighs were part of the deal for allowing her to use you for her entertainment. One guy did get pushed off of her for trying to run his hand up her skirt, but that was the only time.

When I saw her finally taking a break, I waited for a moment to give her a chance to rest. Then I approached her to ask for a dance. She didn't even answer me. Instead, she grabbed me by the hand and went right back out to the dance floor.

My dick stayed hard for the entire dance. I know she felt it. She'd probably been feeling hard ons pressed against her all night. She didn't push me away though. She just grinded the color off of my pants as we moved to the music. When a slow song came on, she grabbed me around my neck and pulled me close.

"I'm Josh." I breathed into her ear. Even with the music playing loudly, we could talk because of how close we were.

"Mel."

She even had an accent. British or Australian, I wasn't sure. Shit, did it matter? I later learned that it was South African. Shows you what I know.

"You smell good Josh. What're you wearing?"

"Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue."

"Mmmm. Good choice."

I danced with her for a while until she (we) needed another break. Once I bought her a drink, we began to talk. Well, we talked as much as two people can with Rihanna blaring in the background.

We were interrupted a few times by guys coming up to her and asking her to dance, but for the most part she was done dancing. I would love to think that she was so caught up in me that she didn't want to leave me, but that would be a lie. Even when I asked her for another dance she waved me off.

Before we parted ways that night, I was able to get her phone number. She didn't put it in my phone like most people. No, she was old school. She grabbed my hand and wrote it on my palm. I could smell her hair as she bent down in the dim club lights and scribbled with her pen. For some reason this small act added a level of intimacy to our evening.

After she was done she gave me a sexy smile and said, "Now don't go washing your hands until you get it in your phone." She blew me a kiss and was gone into the night.

I did call Mel. I took a lesson from Naomi's book and waited a few days to call. I was pleasantly surprised that she was disappointed in me for taking too long.

Now, I don't want to seem petty, but I would be a complete liar if I told you that I didn't enjoy telling Naomi that we couldn't hang out on Saturday because I had a date. I tried to hide my smirk as she fumbled to find the right words to handle my rejection. Not sure I succeeded.

"Umm, okay Josh. Call me when you have time to hang out." Was it my imagination, or was she jealous?

"Okay Na. I'll call you."

It was a while before I had time.

Making Naomi jealous wasn't the only benefit of dating Mel. She was so wild and impulsive. So exciting. She always had an energy about her that was contagious. I couldn't help but to compare the two. Naomi was always in control. She didn't do spur of the moment. Naomi wasn't boring, but she was reserved in her ways and always took the lead.

Mel was the text book definition of "Carpe Diem". She went with the flow. She talked me into doing stupid shit that I would never have done. For instance, we did a "dine and dash" even though I had the money to pay for the food. While I will never be able to go into that restaurant ever again, I did have a blast running from the waiter who chased us out into the parking lot. One time, we even pretended to be husband and wife while shopping for BMW's. She actually talked the dealer into letting us test drive one of the newest models.

You would think that this behavior would translate into wild and uncontrolled sex. So did I. But Mel was full of surprises. She liked sex slow and sensual. Missionary with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck. Kissing, rubbing, touching, licking, sucking, stroking. She liked to be made love to. I wouldn't say that she was better or worse than Naomi. It was just different. I actually got a glimpse into Naomi's logic about having a variety of sexual partners.

I can hear you guys groaning now.

Here we go! This is where he accepts her whoring ways and falls happily into cuck land!

No guys. Relax. That didn't happen. Not then anyway

There is a verse in the bible that says that no man can love two masters. Well, while Naomi was able to separate her feelings for me from her having sex with other guys, I didn't share that ability with her. The more I got to know Mel, the closer I became with her. The closer I became to her, the less I was available for hanging out with Naomi.

Things came to a head when I turned her down for the umpteenth time.

"Okay Josh! I get it! God dammit!"

"Get what Naomi?"

"I get that I neglect you when I go out with other guys. Okay. I get it. If you wanted to make me jealous with that tattoo bitch, it worked. I'm jealous."

As much as it pleased me to hear that, I realized that I wasn't really trying to make her jealous. I actually cared about Mel. I did love Naomi; that much I knew. But we had never spoken about that out loud. She sure as fuck never came close to saying it to me. However, I couldn't deny the fact that I also had genuine feelings for Mel.

Naomi got me in ways that I never imagined possible. Other than her need to fuck other guys, we just clicked. Being with her was so effortless and easy. It was like we were two halves of a whole.

But Mel? Oh my God. Mel was just alive! Everything that she touched became alive. She took life by the balls and made it her bitch. If she wanted something, she took it. Period. Naomi made plans on how to get what she wanted. Mel just took it and worried about the consequences later.

"I'm not trying to make you jealous Naomi. I promise I'm not. I just like spending time with Mel."

She looked at me like I slapped her in the face. The pain that was in those brown eyes really broke my heart. But what could I say?

"What if I wanted you to stop seeing her?"

Was she kidding me? She fucks half of the tristate area, and she wanted me to be exclusive?

"You're kidding right? So, you honestly want me to not have sex with anyone but you while you explore your "freedom" with whomever you feel the urge. Are you really that selfish?"

By now I was getting angry. I couldn't believe that she had the audacity, the gall, to even let that thought make a home in her brain. The brazen hypocrisy of that made me want to lash out at her.

But in a barely audible voice, she squeaked out, "I would stop seeing other people too."

That stopped me dead in my tracks. The words that she said had reached my ears, but their meaning had a delayed reaction. I didn't fully understand what she was saying for a few awkward moments.

"Are you saying that you want to be exclusive?"

She nodded slowly. Her piercing eyes were locked onto mine.

"Why now?"

"Because I don't wanna lose you."

I'd been waiting to hear these words for months at this point. Every time my heart ached for her when she was on her dates, I wished for those very words to come out of her mouth. But, things had changed.

"Not good enough."

She didn't exactly hear what I said. I could see her forehead furrow in confusion as her brain tried to decipher what it is I actually said.

"It's called Exploding Noema."

"Huh?"

Back in college I had a phycology professor who I still remember. He had a way of making things interesting. For me phycology was simply a way to get 4 credits, but his class really taught me things.

Anyways, he spent an entire lecture talking about the different reactions people have when they are surprised or startled. He mentioned a phrase that stood out to me.

"Exploding Noema. It's a theory of psychoanalysis that describes the exact startling moment when the brain can't reconcile the difference between what should be and was actually is." I repeated the definition that I heard in that class. That was exactly what was happening here with Naomi.

"What are you talking about Josh?"

"See, you expected me to jump for joy when you finally decided to get your head out of your ass and be with me. You go around for the entire time that I've known you, doing what you damn well please, and keeping me on the back burner for when you really wanted some loving attention. You say that I can have the same freedom, but you never expected me to do it. Now, I have a woman who likes me and wants to spend time with me. All of a sudden, you want to do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. You think that because you're ready that I'm going to simply dump Mel and ride off with you into the sunset. "

I thought I saw tears starting to form, but months of getting shit on left me a bit raw. I was on a roll now.

"Exploding Noema. Your brain was trying to reconcile what it expected me to say with what I really said, which was 'not good enough'. You wanting to be my girlfriend because you don't want to lose me is not a good enough reason for me to dump Mel."

Normally, the shocked and pained expression on her face would have broken my heart; however, for some reason the molten magma of our relationship had bubbled to the surface and was killing all of the town's folk. All I felt at that moment was anger. White-hot indignant anger.

And it felt good.

As I left Naomi's place after our blowout, I felt on top of the world. Was it petty? Maybe. But at that moment, it felt like justice had been served. Naomi finally had an inkling of what she put me through all of these months.

Weeks turned into a couple of months. I was trying to juggle my time with Naomi and Mel, albeit not being a 50/50 split. Naomi had come to a reluctant acceptance of our new reality. The tables were turned and I was now the one sending her texts telling her that I was busy.

Could life get any better? I had two women who would fuck me at the drop of a dime. Mel's slow sensual touch made me feel magnificent, while Naomi's energy invigorated me. Naomi was vocal, loud, aggressive in bed while Mel was soft and passionate. Mel didn't scream out like Naomi when she reached climax. She would just moan and wrap her legs around me tighter. Then she would breathe into my ear as she caught her breath.

All was good until the time she came and said, "God, I love you Joshy."

WTF!!!

I stiffened up when she said that. I almost lost my erection. Almost. But then she started grinding her hips into me. I saw her stomach flexing as she rolled it to rotate her lower half, pushing her pelvis onto my dick. I slid in and out of her pussy as she fucked herself using my cock.

"Cum for me Joshy!"

How can you get soft when a beautiful girl says that? Especially with her outrageously sexy accent. So I went to pump into her, but she stopped me.

"No wait! Take the condom off Joshy. I want to feel you."

Fuck! I was so overcome with lust at that moment that she could have told me to set myself on fire. I reached between us, pulled the condom off, tossed it to the side, and re-entered my dick into the hottest, wettest place conceivable (up until then I had never had sex without a condom. Sex ed was good for something). The feeling was unimaginable!