Barbara and I were already too close before she ever made love to me. Looking back, I think there was always a current -- subtle but steady -- of something unspoken in our friendship. A quiet pull. Maybe even a trace of desire. She'd had experience with women before. She was drawn to me. And she knew enough, felt enough, to recognize something stirring in herself.
Within a few weeks, we'd found our rhythm. While the kids were at school and kindergarten, we started stealing an hour or two for ourselves -- regular, deliberate. Moments carved from the everyday, brightened by touch, laughter, and the secret thrill of it all.
Just the two of us. No men around. It felt like cheating -- real cheating. Like adultery. It bothered me. And it felt good.
No -- no, that wasn't the motivation. Of course not. I'm not that kind of person. At least... I don't think I am. That's something a 'normal peaople' might not understand. Or maybe no one would.
Of course you want it -- that sweet, happy little tickle. Thank God you never outgrow that. But if it were only about pleasure, you wouldn't need different people. Or different roles. Or different games. Hell, if that were it, you could just use a candle in the bathroom.
No -- it was the closeness. That's what we needed. That woman-to-woman closeness you simply can't get from a man -- not really, not completely. There's a quality to it. A depth.
When I tried to talk about this with Archie -- I don't anymore -- he didn't understand. I don't think he wants to understand. Some days, I'm not sure I understand either.
We gave each other something, Barbara and I. Reassurance. Comfort. We learned to use each other's bodies like medicine. Headache? Take aspirin. Tension? Take that little blue pill. Depression? Go down on the girl next door.
And it worked -- it did. But it also created this echo, this guilt pattern, and a few days later you're low again. And the cure is obvious. And suddenly you're caught in a cycle that makes you wonder: Am I basically a lesbian?
"This is ridiculous," she said one afternoon, laughing as we lay tangled together on the couch, the TV flickering in the background, forgotten. "I haven't watched a single show in weeks."
I kissed her shoulder. "That's because I'm far more entertaining."
"Oh really?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "Then by all means -- entertain me."
Everything felt new. Even the simplest things gave us joy. Silly games we used to dismiss became thrilling again, simply because we were discovering them together.
We hardly ever watched television anymore. We filled our time with each other -- laughing, touching, trying new things just for the hell of it.
"I never thought something this... casual could feel so alive," she whispered once, her breath warm against my neck.
"And yet here we are," I said, pulling her closer.
That freshness, that freedom -- it made us open to anything. We found ourselves saying yes to almost everything, just to see where it might take us.
"Do you think we'll ever reach a point where we're doing things that seem too kinky?" I asked her one day. "I mean... doesn't that usually happen sooner or later?"
"It always happens," Barbara murmured. "The funny thing is... none of us really knows where our own line is. Not until we're already toeing it."
I looked at her, curious. "Have you ever crossed yours?"
She hesitated, just for a second. "Maybe once. Or... maybe I just thought I had, and then realized the line had moved."
There was a silence. Not heavy -- just thoughtful.
"I guess what scares me," I said quietly, "is not the kink itself. It's that once you open the door, you never quite know who might walk in."
She turned toward me, her voice lower. "Sometimes... that's the best part."
I raised an eyebrow. "Are we still talking hypotheticals?"
Barbara smiled, but didn't answer right away. Then: "Let's say... hypothetically... someone else got involved. Would it scare you? Or excite you?"
I took a slow breath. "Depends. Who's getting involved?"
She traced a finger along my arm, almost absentmindedly. "Maybe someone else's husband. Maybe... mine. Maybe... yours."
I blinked. "Are you offering Ken to me? And want Archie for yourself?" I tried to make it sound like a joke, but my voice came out huskier than I expected.
"Yes and No," she said, leaning in close. "I'm wondering what it would do to us. To you. And if we'd still want each other just as much... or more."
One afternoon, as we lounged in the kitchen sipping coffee, Barbara leaned back and said, almost offhandedly, "I'm on my period. Ken's been pacing around like a dog who lost his favorite toy."
I laughed. "Poor guy."
"He just can't wait for it to be over," she added with a grin. Then, after a beat: "You know, we really ought to have a mutual agreement -- when I'm out of commission, Ken sleeps with you. And when you're out of commission, I take care of Archie."
I froze for half a second, caught between amusement and surprise. "That's... efficient," I said, matching her tone.
"All very practical," she said with a wink. "We'd keep everyone happy. No downtime. Like a proper support network."
I laughed again, a little more slowly this time.
It was clearly a joke. Delivered with a smile, no pressure, nothing overt. But I knew Barbara. Jokes like that were never just jokes. They were trial balloons. Thought experiments with heat.
And the worst part? The image stayed with me longer than I cared to admit.
Naturally, I didn't tell Archie. But the idea lingered.
It wasn't just the words -- "Ken sleeps with you, I take care of Archie" -- it was how she said them. Breezy. Confident. Like she already knew I'd laugh, maybe roll my eyes. Maybe even imagine it.
And I did. More than once.
I'd heard of arrangements like that before -- when a woman gets too far along in her pregnancy and gently, almost gracefully, steps aside. A little practical. A little indulgent. Variety, wrapped up in necessity.
But this wasn't about pregnancy.
Still, the idea stuck. Once planted, it's hard not to turn it over in your mind. That's the thing about forbidden thoughts: the more you try to push them away, the deeper they sink in. And the more familiar they begin to feel.
Archie mentioned once, casually, that Ken told him Barbara really liked him. "She always says she feels safe with you," Archie said, drying dishes beside me. "Comfortable."
I raised an eyebrow. "Safe? That's an interesting choice of word."
He shrugged. "Ken joked about it once. Said, 'I don't think I'd trust the two of you alone for too long.' Then he laughed." A beat. "Only... I don't know. Not sure it was a joke."