I sat there in the bar clutching my drink, trembling, partly in anger at what had pushed me to this, but even more so with nerves at what I was about to do.
It hadn't helped that I arrived an hour early. Rather than go home first and then have to come straight back out again, I decided to come immediately after work and have a couple of drinks to bolster my courage. In fact it only seemed to make things worse because I had too much time to think about it.
What brought me here was my husband's infidelity. We had been married three years and were both in our late twenties.
I had found out about Mark's affair via a letter from the woman he had had the affair with. Her name was Cheryl. The letter said that I should know that Mark had also had other affairs, at least one before her and one more recent, that was the reason that she ended things.
She said that she had finally wanted to "set the record straight" after he had also forced her out of her job because of the atmosphere at work - apparently the other woman was also in the same office.
I confronted Mark and he eventually confessed to a one-night stand with her but flatly denied anything else.
I was devastated and left home to stay with my friend Carol for a while.
Mark insisted that it had only been a one-night stand when he was drunk on a sales trip and that it had ended the next day. He also said that she was fired for missing her sales targets and that this was probably her revenge for being fired.
I was furious with him but eventually I concluded that one drunken night wasn't enough to make me want to destroy our marriage so I relented and moved back-in.
I had made it clear that he was far from forgiven and that I would only go back on two conditions: Firstly that he slept in the spare room until I decided I was ready for us to try again. Secondly, I wanted it understood that I might decide to give him a taste of what it felt like by also having a fling.
It was obvious he thought I was bluffing about the last part, and to be honest he was right. Although my friend Carol, had suggested it and I thought saying it might get his attention, I really had no intention of doing anything like that.
After just a few days of me moving back-in, Mark's attitude toward me changed. Gone was the desperation to have me back and it was replaced by impatience.
It was as though he couldn't understand why I wasn't "back to normal" and being the same loving wife I used to be.
Certainly any special attentiveness or "wooing" had dried-up before the end of the first week. I was also coming under increasing pressure to allow him back into my bed.
The result was that I didn't believe he took any of what I had said seriously and I was starting to feel that I had made a huge mistake moving back so quickly.
I was seeing Mark through different eyes now and I didn't much like what I saw. I was even starting to seriously think about moving back out again.
The initial revenge fuck idea was Carol's. She said I needed to show him that he couldn't get away with it and to make him realise the hurt he had caused me. As time went by Carol brought the subject up again.
I wasn't at all sold on the idea but I was starting to despair with his attitude toward me.
What finally brought things to a head was a row one Monday evening. He wanted sex and I said I wasn't ready yet. Anyway he lost it big-time and started shouting about how I was wrecking this marriage.
How dare he?
I told him that I still hadn't forgiven him for the affair and he snapped back at me that I was just being silly. It was only some drunken one-night stand and he had apologised for it weeks ago.
The row went on and he said a lot more hurtful things. Mark finished by saying that if I didn't "sort myself out soon" he didn't see much point in us being married.
The next day I went straight from work to Carol's place and sobbed my heart out to her. At that point, divorce was serious consideration in my mind.
Carol brought-up the subject of a revenge fuck again. "What have you got to lose?" Carol asked.
"Not much at the moment"
"The two of you are heading for divorce anyway. This might wake him up and make him realise that he could lose you permanently."
"I need to do something."
"Look it's up to you but the worst that can happen is that you divorce anyway, and it might just work.
In any case, at least you will know that you got your revenge on him rather than simply being his door mat."
I wasn't really in the mood to have a fling with another man but I had to agree that I didn't have much to lose. And after last night I really did want to do something to hurt him.
"OK, I'll do it"
The conversation then turned toward who I would do it with.
Eventually I came up with Tom. I didn't know the full history between Tom and Mark but I did know that they hated each other and that by sleeping with Tom I would certainly get to Mark.
I didn't know his address or number but knew where he worked because the company he worked for did business with the one Mark worked for.
The next day I called the company and managed to speak to him. Clearly I couldn't have the full conversation over the phone so I just asked if he could possibly meet me for a drink after work.
I knew that this was risky but part of me also felt I needed to reassert myself and even restore some of my own self confidence.
That's what brought me to the bar and this long wait for Tom.
Despite my wait, Tom was actually 5 minutes early. As he walked into the bar, my nerves went into overdrive.
"Can I get you another?" He asked gesturing towards my glass.
"Yes please a dry white wine please."
"Calm down" I kept telling myself as Tom walked off to the bar. He returned a few minutes later with a drink in each hand.
"Thank you" I said taking the glass.
"It looks like you started without me" Tom said looking at the three empty wine glasses. He sat down and we exchanged pleasantries.
"I must say, I was very surprised to get your call, what prompted it? And how can I help you?"
I already knew I would have to tell him but the idea of actually sharing the details of my marriage with this man still filled me with dread.
I took a deep breath "Mark had an affair and cheated on me." I blurted-out, feeling a little tongue-tied. I paused, desperately trying not to break-down in front of him. "It was on business trip, with one of the women who used to work for him"
"What a surprise! You know it's not the first time he's done something like that."
I didn't reply to that because I knew they hated each other. There was quite a pause before either of us said anything.