The doctor's name was Elizabeth Sandoval. Michael sat watching her as she glanced through the form the receptionist had given him to fill out. She was a slightly plump dark-haired woman, probably around 40. She wore a wedding band and a diamond and sapphire engagement ring.
Looking up, she gave him a warm smile. "Okay, Mr. Metcalf. Welcome to Westside Social Services. Why don't you tell me a little about why you've come in to see us--and of course, anything you and I talk about here is completely confidential."
It was hard not to hesitate, hard in fact not to get up and say "never mind" and head for the door; but Michael took a deep breath and plunged forward.
"Dr. Sandoval, I'm--I, uh, have a problem with premature ejaculation."
The doctor nodded slightly, inviting him to continue.
"I did a little, uh, looking around, and I learned that Westside has surrogates who work with men with my, um, with problems like mine, so I decided to make an appointment."
Silence. Dr. Sandoval gave Michael plenty of time to say more, but he didn't continue. Finally she said, "well, we do indeed use surrogates in our work here, and in fact we have had a great deal of success in treating PE issues. Shall I tell you a little about how we normally work with men in your situation?"
Her voice was calm and pleasant--Michael could tell she was good at her job. He was already feeling a lot less uncomfortable. He nodded. "Yes, please."
"All right. PE issues and ED--erectile dysfunction problems--are the two primary sorts of male sexual difficulties that we treat. They are very different from one another, of course, but in both cases our treatment involves appointments with a therapist and work with a surrogate, if it seems that the latter would be helpful."
"So I would be seeing a therapist also?"
"Yes. We would begin by setting up weekly or twice-weekly therapy appointments, in which we would assess your situation. Then if it seemed appropriate you would also begin sessions with one of our surrogates. That also might be once or twice weekly."
"I, uh, didn't anticipate the therapy part--"
"Well," she smiled easily, "it's almost always the case that PE or ED difficulties have a psychological or emotional component. It's rarely a purely physical problem, in fact virtually never. Even if it began with a physical issue, we have found that the effects of the problem on a man can be emotionally difficult--and the therapy sessions are enormously helpful in making progress with it."
Michael nodded--he hadn't anticipated this but it made sense to him. "And about how long, uh, would this work be likely to take?"
"I can't give you much of an answer that this point, since we haven't begun getting to know one another yet. It's likely that the work might last for a period of anywhere from a few months, say four or five, to a year or two. Almost always the problem begins to improve within a couple of months--but I want to stress that every case is different.
"I should also mention that, for married men, the participation of the spouse is crucial. We will want to involve your wife at an early--"
"No." Michael leaned forward. "Absolutely not. My wife is not going to be part of this in any way." His voice was intent.
Dr. Sandoval was startled, though her face remained calm. "Okay," she said, equably. "That is of course entirely your decision, although I anticipate we will want to talk about that during the therapy, if you decide to go ahead with it."
Still looking right at her Michael said, "she cheated on me. She had an affair with another man--and right now I don't imagine that the marriage will survive."
After a pause, she said, "I'm very sorry. Was this a ... recent event?"
He nodded. "I found out three weeks ago."
Silence. Gently, she said, "this must be a very painful time for you, and I'm sorry."
Then she continued, "do you have questions for me, or do you want to take some time to decide whether to go forward?"
"No," he said, almost visibly shaking off his pain. "I want to get started, as soon as possible. Will you be the, uh, therapist I work with?"
She smiled and said, "yes, unless you have any reason not to feel comfortable with me."
"No, that would be fine, actually." He managed a small smile in return. Without having any idea why, he had an okay feeling about Dr. Sandoval.
********************
Dinner was pretty much the way it had been for the past three weeks. Michael made a real effort not to let his pain and anger show to the children. Since Amy was 7 and Will only 3, this was not too difficult. It was easy to be his normal self with them--and when it came to Joanna he displayed his usual kind, affectionate manner, though with an expression that would have revealed his true feelings to anyone looking carefully.
He and Joanna hadn't talked much since he found out--that was his choice. He'd made clear that he didn't want to wreck the family, so neither he nor Joanna had moved out. But Michael was sleeping in the guest room, and they were barely speaking to one another beyond the minimum to keep the children's lives running smoothly: the details of school pick-ups and presents for birthday parties and visits to the grandparents.
Joanna had tried several times to get Michael to talk with her privately: to go beyond her initial apologies when he'd confronted her, to explain the circumstances of her adultery, to reassure and comfort him. But she'd gotten nowhere. His responses ranged from a cold "no, I'm not talking about this with you" to simply getting up and walking out of the room.
In fact their only conversation had been short and brutal. It was the day after that horrible Friday night, the night when Michael had stunned her by saying, "so--you and Trev. Tell me about it, will you Jo? How long've you been fucking him? Is it good? Does he make you come, unlike me? Do you love him? Are you going to dump me? What?"
She'd been too stunned and terrified, too ashamed, to manage anything more than tearful and incoherent apologies. And in any case he'd stormed out of the house before she'd had a chance to say much of anything, and he'd slept on the sofa downstairs.
