Kathleen, known as Kat to her friends, and Maddie had been friends for a few years. They partnered as leaders in a small discipleship group for college girls at church. They both were High School teachers, same school, both History Teachers. Their friendship was easy and comfortable. They just fit with each other.
Kat was married. Maddie was single. Maddie never felt like a "third wheel" to Kat and her husband, Michael. Although Maddie had a lot to offer, Michael had always kept his hands and eyes (mostly) to himself. She was always welcome and safe in Michael and Kat's home.
Kat was a red head with fair complexion, dotted by a few freckles here and there. She stood 5-6 and weighed about 150, on her best days. Her legs were toned as was her ass; and with breasts measuring 38c, she offered something tantalizing to the eyes.
Lauren was a brunette, equally white in her ethnicity as Kat. She stood toe-to-toe with Kat, a bit taller, and bit lighter, a better ass, slightly smaller breasts, an overall package that drew more attention and flirtatious advances than she preferred. She dated, but was picky and patient.
Both women were active in their church. On campus they were both adored as student favorites. For all practical purposes, they were models of sweetness and success.
So it was quite the shock on that fateful morning when Kat asked Maddie a question. They were sitting at Kat's dining room table sipping their coffee, enjoying a slow Saturday morning free from the hectic pace of the work week at school. Michael had left earlier to go golfing. It was wonderfully quiet.
Kat's blue eyes looked downward as her voice got a bit softer. Maddie had no idea what was about to happen. Even though Kat was formulating the question in her mind - and had been for quite some time - she too had no idea what birthing that question into existence would trigger.
Maddie had just giggled, her brown eyes warming the room, and she lowered her lips to sip on her coffee. Kat smiled. Michael had once said Kat's smile could rule the world. He also had added that with Maddie's eyes, the two of them could rule the universe.
In this moment - Kat just wanted to rule over her emotions. Her heart was racing. Her mind was almost fuzzy. But she knew it was the moment. It was time.
She took a deep breath, attempting to summon up the courage - and clarity - to ask that question. For days she had battled this moment. She had time and time again decided the moment was not right and kept quiet; each pass tightening the tension she felt within. This morning, she felt as if she would snap if she did not ask. She could wait no longer.
Maddie was clueless of the internal struggle within Kat. She hid it well. But, Kat knew once she uttered the words, a new tension would be birthed. Would she lose Maddie's friendship? Would Maddie understand? Say yes or no? Lose her mind and go off on Kat?
So as Kat's mouth opened and that question, as awkwardly worded as it was, moved from her tongue to her lips and then to Maddie's ears, the world seemed to stand still. To both women. Not just quiet - but dead stop still.
"Maddie. Will you be my surrogate with Michael?"
It had taken weeks for Kat to settle upon that word
surrogate
as the word she felt captured best what she was asking. She had never breathed a word, even a thought of this, to her husband, Michael. Nobody in the entire world had even a clue that such a question existed in her mind; not until this moment when she opened her mouth and invited Maddie in.
Seconds ticked in silence - seemingly an eternity of time - as Maddie absorbed that question. Kat's eyes still downward in gaze, dared not look Maddie in the eye in this moment.
All Maddie could say was, "Surrogate?"
Eyes still too fearful of rejection to look up at her best friend, Kat took a deep breath and sighed as if expelling days worth of tension that had built up to this moment. "Yes Maddie, a surrogate."
"I... I am sorry. I am not following you. A surrogate for... a surrogate you." Maddie's voice tailed off. She shook her head as if trying to clear the cobwebs. "What do you mean by, surrogate?"
Looking up now, feeling her entire life seemingly pouring into this moment, Kat tried to explain. "Michael and I talked again. For the umpteenth time since my surgery, we talked."
"Okay," Maddie softly affirmed Kat, understanding the battle she had been through over the past two years. Cancer. Treatment. Surgery. More Treatments. Survival. But, the battle had cost her the loss of her womb.
"He says me being unable to have children is okay with him. But, God, we both want our own child so badly." There was silence. Kat nervously took a sip of her coffee and then continued.
"I am broken. Unfixable. And I cannot stand the feeling that Michael must suffer, as well as me, like this."
"Kat," said Maddie as she scooted her chair closer to Kat, close enough to put her arm around her shoulders and hug her. "Kat, you are not broken."
As a tear rolled down her cheek, Kat whimpered, "I am broken. It's okay, Maddie. I accept it now... finally."
Maddie pulled Kat even closer and tried to comfort her. "Kat, Michael adores you. The way you are."
"I know. I am not questioning his love. I'm not. But Maddie, I see how life goes on. It doesn't stop. For anything. Keep up, or it will leave you behind."
"Nobody is getting left behind, sweetie."
"Maddie, please. Hear me." Kat took a cleansing breath before continuing. "We talked about adoption. Michael is okay with that. But, I want a child that at least has his DNA. I have thought about it so many times. There are so many worthy children out there we could adopt and assimilate into our family. But it is not just any child I seek. It is another 'us' my hopes are pinned to. A child with our DNA, or at least Michael's. And this, this is the only way."
It took a while for Kat to catch her breath and for Maddie to wrap her mind around everything Kat had just said. Finally, "so when you say 'this is the only way,' by 'this' you mean... a surrogate?"
Kat nodded. "But, not in a clinical sense."
"A clinical sense?"
"No. Not some professional we hire who doesn't know us, doesn't love us." Kat looked into Maddie's eyes now. "I mean somebody who can make our family complete."
Maddie fumbled with both her thoughts and words. "Complete? Love? A surrogate?"
Kat interrupted, "Not just a surrogate, Maddie. THE surrogate. The ONLY surrogate possible."
Maddie's head was spinning. "The only surrogate. Possible."
A glint of hope now sparkling in her eyes. "Yes, Maddie. You are like family to us. Michael has always liked you. You know that."
"Michael thinks this is a good idea?"
Kat's eyes suddenly grew big. "Well, we have not talked about the idea yet. But I am ready. It is time."
Maddie nodded, "So let me see if I am hearing you right. You want Michael to agree to a surrogate. And you mean - ME as the surrogate."
"Yes, you."
"So you and Michael have not talked about me."
"Not in that way."
"Not in that way?" Maddie was desperately trying to gain her balance.
"Yes." Kat looked Maddie directly in the eyes and slowly emphasized her words. "Maddie, you know he likes you... a lot. He thinks the world of you."
Maddie was still trying to make sense of herself as a surrogate. She sat silent and dazed.
"I just know that if he could see what I see, that he would agree that it is our only path forward. Maddie. You are my dear, sweet best friend. You know I absolutely adore and trust you. And you know that Michael welcomes you into our home, our lives. You are like one of us already. This just fits. It would be the greatest gift you could ever give me - us - the gift of life."
Kat's tears were now paired with Maddie's. Just a soft, dazed, "life," was all Maddie could mutter.
Kat passionately piggy-backed, "yes, Maddie - life. The gift of life, of family."
"But Michael and you..."
"Michael and I are still us. That wouldn't change."
"But, but..."
"Shhhh. Maddie. You know he treats you like family, right?"
"Mm hmm."
"I just know, Maddie, I just know that if I could tell him that YOU were the surrogate that it would make a difference. Change everything. He would see the possibilities."
"Possibilities. But, how?"
Kat squeezed Maddie. Took a breath. Whispered in her ear, "I have not figured that part out yet."
Even though she was shocked at the entire idea and had no sense of how any of this made sense, Maddie agreed to come over that evening to just consider it together. That would give Kat time to talk to Michael first, about more than just the idea of a surrogate, but of Maddie as the surrogate. They agreed to that much, even though Maddie repeated several times that she was making no promises.
So it was agreed. Maddie would return that evening at about 9pm.
Maddie spent the afternoon fretting.
Kat spent the afternoon waiting for the moment to present itself when she could talk with Michael. Twice she had tried to start talking about the idea of a surrogate. The first time, she lost the courage just as she approached the opening statement. The second time, as soon as Kat used the word "surrogate," Michael flinched and immediately pushed back with adoption as their best option.
"But, you have not heard the whole idea about a surrogate yet."
"There is no 'whole idea" here, Kat. Just a bad one."
