[The Suburbs, late 1950's]
Joe: "Listen, doll, I had no choice."
Mary: "No choice, huh? That's not what I heard."
Joe: "Who'd you hear that from?"
Mary: "Linda."
Joe: "Mary? Oh, doll, you know you can't believe her! She inflates everything."
Mary: "Okay, well, what did happen?"
Joe: "Well, as you know, we were playing poker over at Bill's place and his wife Marge was there. Now, I only got eyes for you, but Marge is a real looker. She's tall, blonde, and curvy. She was wearing a white checkered dress like that purple dress of yours. It buttoned up the front, had long sleeves, fit her tight on the top and flared from the waist. I couldn't help but notice that she has wonderful gams, from what I could see at the time. Wonderful calves.
Mary: "Well, I'm glad you think she's pretty."
Joe: "Oh, Mary, honey, nobody can hold a candle to you. Legs, hips, breasts, face, hair. You're perfect. I'm just saying that she's a handsome woman. Anyway, we're playing poker and Marge is bringing us old fashioneds and lighting our cigarettes. Y'know, just like your purple dress, hers has a V neck and, well, when she bends over, we could all get an eye full."
Mary: "How full?"
Joe: "Well, I won't lie to you. Pretty full. Well, Marge told Bill to be sure and get the empty glasses on the tray when she went back into the kitchen. So, we're all givin' Bill a hard time about he's hen pecked, has to do what his wife says. Well, we'd had quite a few and Bill got all steamed up about that and said, 'I don't do what she says. She does what I say.' Well, the guys all laughed at him for that so Bill said, 'I'll prove it to you. I'll tell Marge to pick up our glasses.' Well, we obviously all booed that. Who cares about picking up glasses? We wanted him to get her to do something that she might not want to do."
Mary: "And what was that?"
Joe: "Well, Bill came up with this idea, maybe with some help from us."
Mary: "I can't help but see you grinning."
Joe: "Well, yeah, we were pulling one over on ole Bill. We didn't expect it to go as far as it would."
Mary: "And how far did it go?"
Joe: "Well, let me tell you what happened. Marge comes back in the room and is picking up the glasses and Bill says, 'Darn, I'm out of money.'
"And then Johnnie says, 'Well, maybe you can ask your wife to help you.'
"'Sure, honey, can you help us out?'
"Well, Marge looked hard at her husband and said, 'Well, of course, dear, if you want me to, but I'm no good at poker.'
"Bill was really on a roll. He said, 'I told these guys that you're my wife and you'll do what I say. You swore an oath to obey and you're a good girl and take that seriously.' You could have heard a pin drop. Bill thinks he's winning with his girl and with us. He's got a big grin on his face when he says to the rest of us, 'If you win the hand, Marge'll sit on your lap for the next hand.' I gotta tell you, doll, you could have flown a plane through Marge's mouth, her jaw dropped so far. She just stood there while her husband played cards, that stupid smile on his face. Well, Johnnie won the hand and we all waited to see what would happen. Bill looked over at his wife who was standing there, ramrod straight, her mouth in a thin line now, her hands in those gloves held together in front of her. So he looks over there and he says, 'Well, doll, I guess you gotta sit on Johnnie's lap.'
"We waited. Marge looked at her husband then looked at us. We thought she'd call bull and maybe even slap her husband. Instead, she suddenly smiled real big and walked over to Johnnie. Johnnie's a real gentleman and stood up and I think he was going to call the whole thing off but Marge pushed him back down, dropped down in his lap, grabbed Johnnie's drink and cigarette from in front of him and sat there, looking cool as a cucumber. She took a sip and then a drag and Bill's smiling like he'd won all the money not just lost his wife's respect. Johnnie looked up at Marge and well I guess he figured he should take advantage of of the situation. He put one of his hands right on Marge's hamhock. Marge, for her part, just wiggled her ass into that hand. Bill smiled, Marge smiled."
Mary: "I bet Joyce wouldn't have smiled."
Joe: "Well, you'll have to bring it up to his wife if you'd like but this is supposed to all be top secret, babe, so let Johnnie tell her if he wants to. Anyway, we played the hand and Marge got up. She looked back at Johnnie with a smile on her face as she went back into the kitchen. We needled Bill a little more and he's on the defensive when Marge comes back with one of those big glass pitchers, a glass stirrer, a glass of olives on those little toothpicks and a half dozen glasses, one for each of us and one for herself. 'Any of you boys want a vodka martini?' Well, we all said we would and she went around the table making certain we could get an eyeful of her big perfect ass -- not as perfect as yours -- and her knockers down the top of her dress.
"On cue, Bill says, 'Oh, honey, I'm out of money again. You'll help me out again, won't you?'
"Marge downed her martini in one gulp then made herself another one, 'Sure, hon, you're my husband. What can I do?'
"'Yeah, boys, what does she need to do? Sit on the winner's lap again?'
"That's when Johnnie struck. Hmmm. Maybe you